Published January 30, 2009
I turn in my sleep
Expecting to see you there
You've been gone for so long
Yet I still find myself calling your name again
On nights like this
Calling your name again
Longing to see you there
I hear your voice
No one is there
Sometimes I feel you near
Only to realize you are gone
I never thought I'd lose your love
Especially the way I lost it
Someday we'll meet again
Don't know when
But until then I'll keep calling your name
Hoping someday you will answer back
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
I liked the idea if the poem. However I did think that it lacked a bit of explanation and detail, maybe you should elaborate further with some of your lines, I just felt like the last line in each stanza left the reader missing something. Punctuation would be helpful to put emphasis on portions of your poem, as stated before. So that’s pretty much it and good luck on further writings!
~JMXO
Alrighty now, here goes your review!
The idea of the poem has very much potential. I think that if you extended it, it would be alot better. But basically you are repeating some of the same things, but if it were longer. Also, I suggest that you use some punctation, it can emphazize a point and change a way something is read. For example:
A woman without her man is nothing.
Now take a second look:
A woman, without her, man is nothing.
See what I mean, two totally different meanings. So punctuation is a big part in emphasize. The rhythym of it was okay, but could be improved upon. So good luck and keep writing. Practice makes perfect!
~Alyss
actually, I thought the repetativness added effect. It made the poem sound more rhythmic, but if you're going to do that, you need to use exact repetativeness.
So I like the poem, and the idea of it
But it's very repetitive
In my opinion, just say what you mean the first time
It makes much more sense and doesn't lead the reader in circles
When you change it up a little, it sounds better that way
So ya