Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
How much more can you bleed from your knees?
Praying again, you faithless rat
White of your bones, purple patch
Crimson carpet, bed sheets wrap
Red body
You cannot, will not, want not
Cleanse
He is not the light,
You will not find the light,
Praying again will not give you light
How many more hits can you take?
On your knees again, not for the same
Godless man
Angelic face
Get up, get up
There’s no use, you cannot, will not, want not
Change
Change for the same
Godless man
Faith, faith
Faithless faggot
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hello there! This is loveissourgrapes and I am here to give you a review/comment about your poem. You feel anger and pain at the same time whenever you read this poem. It still has that dark theme and concept though. Great job on that
You can see that the world and the people in the world changed overnight. They supported you and then now they just treat you like, in your words, a faithless rat. The world is actually messed up so there is nothing to fix it. By the way, can you not reuse the word faithless? In the last line and the second line. Another word for faithless? Over all, how matter what the world says to you, you bounce back and fight. The writing style of this is great. Keep it up! Have a good day/night! Also, you seem new here so welcome to the site.
My oh my! Very dark and twisted, For the lack of a better word- it's very poetic and an enjoyable read. I can see there is a lot of anguish in the character because in many faiths, homosexuality is a sin and it's actually brilliant that you were able to frame the narrative that way with a single word at the end; it took me two reads to fully understand in context.
Though, the third paragraph is pretty interesting because of the line "Praying again will not give you the light." I'm only a little familiar with god religions but I was briefly raised Christian. In that faith, God is said to forgive all your sins so it sets up a paradox of "Forgiveness is there for those who take." but there is also no light given, but I think it's interesting to point out that what people say and what's in The Bible tend to contradict each other quite frequently so it's a bit of a juxtaposition and your work was able to capture that in a single verse.
To be completely honest, I don't understand the poem thoroughly simply because I am not a gay male. However, what you composed here is very intricate and weaved with a lot of hidden meanings that can be interpreted many ways.
Great read!
Duck.