i rode away as fast as i could, too engulfed in my pain to notice all the stares of my peers as my face, soaked with tears, flashed from under my hood, not daring to look back. but where would i go? not home, for sure. i guess i didn’t really think this through. classic Jody, not thinking things through. i bet you’re a bit confused. so let me start from the beginning. if you’ll let me.
i am 13 years old, and go to Alderwood middle. i am what adult would call a “special” child. on that point, let me tell you about me from a “professional’s” point of view. “well, Jody is a teen suffering from multiple mental issues. she has ADHD, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, ODD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, social anxiety, and depression.”
ok. now back to me. let me tell you it from a first person view. my ADHD basically means that i fidget a lot, and have the attention-span of a dog. my ODD means that… well, you know the rebellious stage that most teens go through? well, just picture that in your head. got it? ok, now imagine it with a infant girl. now have that girl grow up with the natural instinct to do the opposite of what any authority figure tells her. not a pretty picture, is it? well, that’s me. and i guess that life thought it would be too easy for me to go through my teen just like the rest of my life, while everybody around me is freaking out with their own retaliations? of course not, because that would be fair, and everyone knows that life isn't fair. so i have double rebel power.
anyways, it pisses everybody around me off. huh, maybe that’s why i have a small quantity of friends, oh my god, total epiphany! well, moving forward, i do have depression, and i once was on this one drug (prescribed and medical, don’t worry guys) and it made me really sad. well it didn’t make me sad, but it made it easier to get sad. so it was on a saturday, and my dad was having me sharpen drill bits, and i messed one up. so he’s over there telling me that i screwed it up, and that it would never work again, and he kept blasting me with the insult cannon that is his mouth, and i am just cowering there, feeling worthless, when i hear him say “you daughter of a bitch!” to which, being myself, retaliated with “ you’re damn right i am!”. i then felt his hot, nasty, drop a cow dead from fifty feet away, breath on my neck, and heard him utter “get out of my sight before i beat the crap out of you”, to which i happily obliged. i ran to the bathroom, grabbed the bag of extra razors, plucked a single pink-handled blade, and rushed to my room, locking the door behind me. please note that i didn’t even think about what i was doing, i was so ‘traumatized’. i tried to pry the plastic from the blade, aggressively whispering “please just let me” whilst sobbing. carefully i separated the 2 blades from the plastic handle, and hid one in a secret place. without hesitating, i drug the shiny metal sheet across my wrist. i watched as the blood welled up in a careful line of red dots. i waited to see how big they could get until they poppped. when they did, i felt amazing. i liked the feeling so much, i soon had half a dozen parallel lines running across my wrist.
now, for those of you that have experienced this, cutting is almost like a drug: addicting. i looked into it, and apparently it releases endorphins, which make you happy, and afterwards, the brain will want more. so i guess that that affected my feelings. for the next 4 days, i would get home from school, lock the doors to my room, and remember all those reasons why i could be sad, and it worked. i was free. now to hide it
(please ignore the incorrect capitlalization
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140,667 Literary Works • 673,585 Reviews
This was really good! I could picture exactly what was going on and I wasn't confused at all. This was a great opening chapter for a novel, it explained everything that the girl is going through. I can't wait to read the rest of the book!
A few corrections...
"i am 13 years old, and go to Alderwood middle." If you are going to use lowercase for the rest of the main character's story, you should have Alderwood lowercase, as well.
As Kingofnate said, "...but it made it easier to get sad. so it was on a saturday, ..." should be two paragraphs without the "so."
I liked the informality of using all lowercase. It seems a lot more personal and raw that way.
*hits the "like" button*
thank you
This is amazing! I feel like I've related to this character in just a few short paragraphs. Please tell me there's more! You're very talented. Can't wait to read more
thanks very much! i appreciate it
Well. First of all, that was incredibly depressing, which is what you are going for. I have personally wondered why people cut themselves, even if their life does suck. My though process was, If you have so many problems, why add one more and cause yourself pain and have to hide your wrists in public? I have never wanted to ask a person who cuts themselves why they do it, because I know they are often delicate and I don't know what sort of effect that would have on them. HOWEVER, this was an excellent explanation. You could have made that a lot better and more emotionally impacting if you went into more detail about how it felt, physically and emotionally. You could write a sentence where explains how it felt in a way that's unclear whether the narrator is speaking emotionally or physically.
"well, that’s me. and i guess that life thought it would be too easy for me..."
You should take out the "that" in this sentence. It projected a meaning that you didn't mean to project, its also an unnecessary word and tripped me up.
"...but it made it easier to get sad. so it was on a saturday, ..."
Two things here. Start a new paragraph. I personally struggle with big paragraphs too, and reading other peoples writing is a good way to get better with that. I don't know if you struggle there, but if you do, that's how you get better at it. Also, don't start a sentence with "So". If you make it a new paragraph, then you wont need it and it will be the beginning of a new story.
This was an excellent story to drive people away from drugs. I also have ADHD and this is the exact reason I don't take anything for it.
"i rode away as fast as i could, too engulfed in my pain to notice all the stares of my peers as my face, soaked with tears..."
I think "Streaked with tears" just sounds plain better than soaked. It brings the image of wet lines running down Jodie's face
That's all! Hope this helped, because your story sure helped me understand a few things. Also welcome to YWS. I am also a newcomer, and I love this site, hope you do to.
thank you. i will fix those issue
also, she knew that her dad wanted to harm her, as he had done before, so she felt that she deserved to be in pain. one of her first childhood memories was that her dad had slapped her when she was whining that her 'tummy' was hurting. she laid there, her face feeling raw, as he screamed at her for being annoying and disturbing his show