As I sit here, I wonder
and I ponder,
my mind wanders
from the trees
and the bees
and the birds that fly free,
to the steady beat
of nature.
That gentle, steady beat
like the thumping of our feet
or the banging of the drums
and the clapping of our palms.
I close my eyes and listen,
to the stories of the wind,
the history that it brings
to us.
Why don't we ever listen
to the stories of the wind?
It can tell us where we've been.
The wind has seen it all
since the beginning of time
always blowing
always flowing with experience
and never ceasing to watch the end.
Just trying to mend
and unbend
what was broken and twisted,
telling us what we've done,
how we've changed the earth God begun.
We've saluted for wars
and polluted for cars
made slaves of one another;
made fools of each other.
And all this time
the wind just watches
and catches
glimpses of our detriment,
sighing with disdain
as we live our lives in vain.
It tries to warn us
with that gentle, steady beat,
tries to remind us
of a time when the birds were not the only ones to fly free.
Why don't we ever listen to the stories of the wind?
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
I love this poem, it i so sweet and incredibly true - why wont people see what we have done to the earth? i thought it flowed perfectly, like a stream it just rolls off the tonge so easily. It has a great mesage of our earth and how just one species (humans) have taken over, without really concidering the ground beneath our feet or other living things in the world.
Loved your poem! I saw nothing wrong, it was perfect
Good day to you Oreorulez21401,
I'm happy to say I enjoyed your poem. It was short yet so deep, I think of this subject all the time. I, myself am horrified of the world that has come to be. I could write so many pieces about my feelings on this subject, yet this piece just seems to extract all my feelings away. It's amazing and definitely gets to the point, it makes people think hard. I'm so glad I'm not the only person that has these thoughts floating around waiting for answers. All I can seem to tell you is great job
I'm thankful I took my time to read this fantastic piece, thank you for writing it.
With all due respect,
Mackenzie
wow, that has a lot of potential. It's good. Very nice rythem and a creative mix of words.
however there are a few parts that seem a little too original and there isn't the greatest blending of words at just a few parts. It makes it sound a little plastic, just so it will ryme.
For example; "from the trees and the bees and the birds that fly free." or "That gentle, steady beat
like the thumping of our feet or the banging of the drums and the clapping of our palms." That just sounds a little bit forced. But most of it is just fine.
I'm sorry if i'm tearing your poem apart. I think that it is good but that it could be better, try thinking about what your trying to say in this poem and get a little deeper into it and make some of the parts that sound forced, a little deeper and poetic, make it so that the picture it puts into your mind, flows a little better, not just the rymeing of the words.
I really really liked the way that you worded these parts: "made slaves of one another; made fools of each other. And all this time the wind just watches and catches glimpses of our detriment, sighing with disdain."
You also have some very creative way of wording things like, the wind just watches and catches glimpses of our detriment, Thats pretty cool. I like it.
Well, i'm sorry, i'm really not the best critique but i liked your poem and i think that with a little work it could be even better. Sorry if it totally didn't make sense. LOL. hope that i could help though.
Great piece of writing!
I like the message, and the way you portray the wind as a wise, old friend.
It was very entertaining.
The flow was great as well, however there was a part where it was briefly interrupted.
The rhyming is consistent throughout the poem, but these four lines kinda threw off the flow for a bit.
I might suggest editing it so that it will rhyme, thus restoring the flow.
I really enjoyed this! Keep it up!
i personaly thought that the poem was good- you got a point there about how the
wind has been everywhere, and what it has seen-----------a good enique song------------ --------------awsome------
Ooh this has good rhythm! And great rhyme! (Especially for its length! good job) Your poem was deep and that was great! There were some parts that didn’t flow and didn’t rhyme but with its length and with the style of poem that it is, such things are to be expected! So over all Amazing! Please keep writing!
Your poem satisfied me. But, I suggest editing more. It seemed too short and broken for the a subject that is so deep. It needs to be thick.
But, I liked it.
Edit!