Why is it. When we look in a mirror, the only thing we can feel is hate.
Why is it, when we look in the mirror all we can see is our flaws. Our imperfections. Surely this wasn't always the case. So what conditioned us to be this way?
Why is it, when I look in the mirror, all I can see is a too big nose. Or too many freckles. Or hair that can't seem to decide on a colour. Why is it, when I look in a mirror, all I can see is an explanation to the reasons why people don't like me. Why is it I can only see the bad things about me. Too big thighs, getting a bit on the fat side. Why can't I see the good things too?
My friend says my eyes remind her of clam beaches and icy mornings. But all I can see is lifeless blue, too tired to really be bothered with the day. She says my smile lights up the room. But all I can see is a grimace that reveals buck teeth that'll forever mean I'm labelled as bugs bunny. She says she finds it funny when my cheeks go red when I'm embarrassed. All I can see is another reason people can laugh. Why can we never see ourselves the way others see us? Why are we so convinced we're so imperfect? So undeserving of people's attention. Why are we so convinced the success of our lives depends on other people's opinions of us?
Why, when I look in the mirror, can't I see me?
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hi. this is man134. i'm here to review your work.
you say that when you look into the mirror, all you see is hatred and self-loathing. well, there is a reason for this. French philosopher, Jacques Lacon, has a hypothesis called the "Mirror Stage" where a child sees into a mirror for the first time and sees himself as a reflection of his father, which is where the super-ego--the ideal man we try to become--come into place. the super-ego is something we try to be, but we are unaware that it is merely a reflection of our parent and sometimes when we look into the mirror we would subconsciously see our father, or mother, and feel some self-loathing and hatred towards ourselves. i don't know if this fits with where your poem is going, but it's still food for thought.
the poem really reflects the insecurity all humans feel when they see themselves for what they really are and we strive to improve ourselves. though other people see you differently, only you see yourself as some sort of abomination. the emotional tone was depressing and sardonic, and the paragraphs were written pretty well.
Anyway, i hope you write more. i really love your writing style.
Hey, Onlyhuman! Scythe here to do a quick review
This is such a beautiful topic to cover, we all experience self-concept and in this case, it was the negative side of that spectrum. It's probably safe to say we've all had that negative feeling, so it was easy to relate.
I think you covered it perfectly and I loved how you included the persons friend; even after they complimented them, the person would still be so doubted by their own impression of themselves that they would deny all that their friends have said.
Now in terms of grammar, the first sentence does need adjusting.
It should be:
In the line you had a full stop between "it" and "when", making two separate sentences when both should have been one whole sentence. Also, I changed a couple of words. You wrote "when we look in a mirror" and then "the only we can feel is hate", but in terms of looking into a mirror, you see something. I know that you can emotionally feel something when looking in a mirror, but I felt that saying "see" was a better technique and it reinforces that self-image issue that seems to be portrayed within this.
On the second line you do what you did in the first line:
You've used a comma where it wasn't needed. The first sentence shouldn't have that comma, it should just be: Why is it that the mirror only shows our flaws?
I've also taken out some words in the line along with the comma, trying to avoid a repetition of the first sentence. It keeps your work fresh and interesting if you have a different range of sentences rather than repeating the same line.
The rest is brilliant though, great work, you really portrayed what you were aiming for <3 Also, I loved that last line! It was beautifully done and left the reader stunned and amazed, well done! I really hope I can read more of your work in the future!!
- ScytheMeister
Hi there, Onlyhuman, and welcome to YWS! I hope you're liking it here so far!
This piece really digs into one of those spots of insecurity that so many people share - I don't think I have any friends who don't get the whole "wow I look awful" feel when they see themselves, regardless of the beauty other people see in them. You can get some really good poetry out of these kinds of uncomfortable feelings.
I feel like this is on the edge of poetry and prose. The line between the two can be really blurred - I'm told "prose poetry" is a kind of poetry that exists - but I feel like you might be able to hit even harder with the discomfort and emotion of the subject material if you cut down the wordcount a bit. I once saw a tip for revising poems that was "try to cut the wordcount in half" - the idea being, by being quite harsh on the number of words you're allowed, you are forced to really think about which words you choose, and how they sound and what they mean and how they fit together. I'd recommend trying this with your whole poem, but in particular the third and fourth sections of it, as these are the longest blocks of text, and I found my attention wandering a little in the middle of the fourth. You want to keep your reader's attention firmly on the ideas and emotions you're trying to get across.
I love your last line - it's succinct, and really gets to the heart of the idea that all these perceived flaws are getting in the way of something.
I like what this poem says, and the way it reaches out to the reader. I only noticed a few things. Shall we dive in?
First off; Formatting. I would maybe turn it into Stanzas.
Like this;
"Why is it, when we look in a mirror,
The one thing we can feel is hate.
Why is it, when we look into the mirror,
All we can see is our flaws,
Our imperfections.
Surely, this wasn't
Always the case.
So what conditioned us to be this way?
Etc.
I think it is more poetical this way, and it is easier to read as a poem.
That's all I had to say, Love the theme and the feeling.
The simplicity really adds a lot.
I hope this was helpful.
Keep writing!