z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

In the Hands of Six 1.1

by Omni


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Wong, Master of the Mystic Arts, never did like having to involve himself in the nastier aspects of his life, but he was sworn defender of the New York Sanctum. As such, when a large ship carrying Thanos' henchmen loitered mere blocks from the very building he was sworn to protect, Wong joined the Sorcerer Supreme, and his dearest mentor, Doctor Strange, in defense of the city.

But that was yesterday.

Wong had not seen nor heard from any of his comrades since that battle, and as the keeper of the New York Sanctum, he could not try and locate them for more than the few moments he was afforded a break from repairing the damage done to its infrastructure.

At first, he tried scrying Strange, hoping the sorcerer would respond to his efforts. To no avail, he tried a much riskier version of contacting that, even still he couldn't trust completely: texting them.

No response.

Then Wong felt it. It started as a vibration in his joints, a ripple in the air, a pause in his breath. Wong stepped outside his manor onto the slightly crowded New York street. To a normal observer, the city was chugging along as smoothly as normal. However, to a Master of the Mystic Arts like Wong, the very atmosphere hummed with magic, a kind of magic far more primal and dangerous than the magic he and his fellow sorcerers manipulated. This wasn't foreign to Wong, though.

No, not to him. Perhaps he knew more of this power than most in the universe.

A car in front of him collided with a lamp post, its alarm blaring into the busy New York morning noise. Then, something far more horrible split through the usual white noise: screams.

Wong retreated back into his Sanctum. He would be safer here than outside. He knew not what the magic carried with it, but only one person would be able to harness the intense energy needed for something with that magnitude. Wong knew that person did not have the best intentions with using magic.

Wong raced up one of the mirrored spiral staircases to the artifact collections. Beelining to an urn resting in a corner of the room, he reached deep into the urn and it glowed under his touch, splashing harsh light all around the room. Wong fished deeper into the deceiving pot until he was in as deep as his shoulder. His fingers brushed against something thick and wet, and he scooped a heaping handful. As it left the vase, all light left the thick substance. Wong spared no time as he rubbed it along his extremities and his neck. If his contingency plan was going to succeed, then he must take every precaution.

Grabbing a thick, leather-bound book from one of the shelves, Wong fumbled with his sling ring before hastily opening a portal to the main courtyard of Kamar-Taj, the stronghold for all Mystic Art practitioners on Earth.

As soon as he stepped through, someone bumped into him as they rushed past, apparently not even seeing him or caring where they walked. He ignored it; this magic must be affecting someone of the more inexperienced practitioners more. He grimaced but these students were none of his concern. Their fates were sealed, and so was his if he didn't leave. He followed the well-worn pathway to the all too familiar library. For years, that was his domain before he was tasked with safekeeping the New York Sanctum. Few things were more valuable and worth safekeeping than the library at Kamar-Taj.

He scarcely took notice of the rows and rows of books, scrolls, and other various collections. He knew most of them by heart by now, and those he didn't know too well were written after he left his position of guardian for those sacred texts. His destination was past the main collections and even further than the Masterworks, invaluable collections written by, and for, Masters of the Mystic Arts. In his peripheral, he took note of the late Ancient One's private works, and even the few scalebound novels which contained much of Doctor Strange's notes and experiments, written in his hasty, and often illegible, handwriting.

The lighting faded as he moved on, and the walls narrowed. Gradually, the cavern rounded out to a rotunda of three doors facing a pedestal in the middle. The doors led to the New York, London, and Hong Kong Sanctums. Together, with Kamar-Taj, they act as a buffer and barrier against mystical threats on Earth. On a normal day, Wong would have just walked through those doors if he wanted to visit his fellow sorcerers. How quickly things change, Wong thought bitterly as he waved a hand to bring the pedestal to life. The stone globe reacted to his touch, and an orange apparition flickered to life in the black void above him. It was Earth, his home and the very place he had sworn to protect all those years ago. Mystic etches sprawled around the land, forming the three Sanctum symbols. But, something far more insidious sprawled out from a point in Africa. Like blood, the darker mystic color scrawled across the Earth, flooding out any recognition of land or safety. It spread and it spread, to every point in the world.

The globe spasmed, and the crimson tendrils burst out past the world, in all directions. Wong widened his Mystic perception. First the solar system, but the gnawing power spread even further. He zoomed out further and further, to the furthest reaches of his abilities, but even still, the infection spread out of his sight.

Screams echoed through the brick walls of the library. Wong removed himself from the globe. A group of sorcerers burst through the doors of the Hong Kong Sanctum. Two of them were helping a third through the door, whose leg was bent in an unnatural angle. Only one of them Wong recognized. Erica, a young disciple Strange had brought in from a hospital in America, noticed Wong and ran to him, gasping.

"Master Wong," she managed between breaths, "something happened. We felt it, and people are running crazy in the streets. Zhang here needs medical attent--" she gasped and crumpled into dust. The rest of her group followed suit, leaving piles of ash in their places.

Wong gulped and shut the Hong Kong door. No more distractions. He stuffed the large book in the folds of his robes and cleared his thoughts. He could feel the magic worming its way into his body and mind; he didn't have much time. He dug his fingers deep into the globe, and the stone accepted them easily, glowing with a dark crimson color. What he was attempting was not necessarily considered a forbidden practice, but it was a spell known only to a few over the centuries.

In a deep voice not quite his own, Wong bellowed into the globe. "Sorcerer Supremes, heed my call. The fate of every Dimension is uncertain. The Infinity Stones have been used."

The globe accepted his words eagerly and accepted his body as he slipped away from his world, his galaxy, his universe. 


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Wed Jul 04, 2018 9:18 pm
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Carina wrote a review...



HIIIIII, I'M HERE. Like I said in the pad, y u make me want to watch Doctor Strange and other Marvel movies now?!? if I end up dropping from LMS first, it's gonna be ur fault cause imma be spending time catching up to Infinity War

OKOK SO THE REVIEW. I admit it was kind of hard to get into the feel of this at first, especially since it's been soooo long since I've seen Doctor Strange (lol I only saw it once: in theaters), and to be honest, I forgot Wong was a canon character and even had to double check this by googling it. My not-so-strong knowledge in the MCU might actually end up benefiting you though, since I can give you pointers on what was confusing. BUT ALSO THIS SUCKS, since I'd much rather be excited that you mentioned something I remembered seeing in the movies. I'LL CATCH UP SOMEDAY I PROMISE

But like what I was saying, it seemed like there were tons of actions here, that I had to take a double take to see if your genre was in the action category. (Which is isn't. Maybe fanfic and action would be better? lol can you add a third genre) There were a couple spots that I thought was fantastic with the sensory detail --

Then Wong felt it. It started as a vibration in his joints, a ripple in the air, a pause in his breath.

A car in front of him collided with a lamp post, its alarm blaring into the busy New York morning noise. Then, something far more horrible split through the usual white noise: screams.


WHICH WERE *doctor who voice* FANTASTIC. I love love reading about sensory details on sound, smell, anxious lil feelings that really paint a picture of what I'm reading, so it's like I'm actually there. So, take these nice lil details and sprinkle it in the actions scenes as well.

There was one action scene in particular where I was like, "Whaa?" cause there was a lot going on and I wasn't really sure what was happening. To be specific, the one paragraph that begins with, "Wong raced up one of the mirrored spiral staircases to the artifact collections" is the one I'm referencing. There are some nice mentions of sensory detail, but it seemed like it was Wong did [x], Wong did [y]. Rather, how did Wong feel? Was he afraid? Nervous? Were his ears ringing from the loud screams and alarms? Were his hands sweaty? Was he out of breath? Feeling his heart beat very fast, or was he calm and collected? Details like this give characters depth and make me go, "AHHHH ACTION SCENE IS INTENSE."

Speaking of intense action scenes, I loved the ending and how Erica and company vanished into dust. LOL is that morbid to think? 'Cause I thought it was eerie, and was a perfect transition to Wong using the sekret sorcerer magic thingy announcement. I agree with you that, even though Erica wasn't important, throwing her name in there and saying she was one of Strange's disciples, gave depth to her death. It was like, D: oh noes THIS IS SRS SHE DED

BUT YEAH THERE IS SO MUCH FORESHADOWING. And you told me that the prologue isn't over?? Because this seems like a perfect ending to a prologue, basically right before crap hits the fan. I AM CURIOUS. WHAT HAPPENED TO WONG. IS HE SPACE DUST NOW TOO

*adds Doctor Strange to list of things to watch this month*




Omni says...


HIIII CARINA so okay yeah this was thick with Doctor Strange-magic-stuff and will continue to do so until we get to Chapter 1. This setup is very magical in its origins and I don't think I did a good enough job explaining the magics in the beginning. Maybe if I did more generic terms instead of specifics I think it would have been better.

Thank you with the sensory details! I didn't add much in there because I wanted this part to feel frantic and chaotic. It'll slow down more in the next parts. I also just did science fiction because idk genres and stuff man all I know is this is fanfic xD

There is more to this prologue yes! Thank you for the ending bit, but yeah there's still more to come here because there is more to the set up when it comes to the transitioning of this timeline to the beginning of ItHoS timeline.

When revising this, I definitely will keep note to adding in more sensory aspects to supplement the action. I think it's a fine line there for sensory things to help the action and it distracting from the action. I'm such a bleh writer that I'm not sure if I'll get that line down like EVER xD



Carina says...


WELL I SUSPECT IT'S ALSO ME BECAUSE ACK YOU KNOW MORE OF MCU THAN ME SO I NEED TO FAMILIARIZE MYSELF WITH THIS SOME MORE OK. But yeah, general terms could help, but it was pretty neat to read some of the specifics and think, "Oh yeah, I remember that. Barely." lol

lololol YA FRANTIC AND CHAOTIC. you got that part done pat if that's what you were going for, gj gj

*whispers* [i]wut is ItHoS[/s]

for every time someone says they're a bleh writer, a crypto kitty dies in the internet. save the kitties, don't say such foul words #savethekitties



Omni says...


In the Hands of Six :P

what if i say im a meh writer? XD



Carina says...


OOOOOOHHH *stupid lol*

well meh rhymes with bleh SOOOO



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Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:15 am
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soundofmind wrote a review...



*sound busts down the door, screaming* FINALLY SOME GOOD HECKIN MARVEL CONTENT, AMIRIGHT KIDS?

Little thingamajig nitpicky things?

He knew not what the magic carried with it, but only one person would be able to harness the intense energy needed for something with that magnitude.


This might be me showing my lack of actual in-depth knowledge of the Marvel-verse and lore but I thought being able to harness the stones had less to do with the person and more to do with the gauntlet? I always thought that in order to harness the stones that Thanos would need to have the gauntlet. But then again, I don't know. How much does Wong know about Thanos? Does he know Thanos has been searching for the stones? I don't actually know what Wong knows. And I guess I'll NEVER know 'cause now he's DEAD.

...The Infinity Stones has been used."


I think you meant have, not has? Maybe.

But okay this was really interesting to read!! I loved hearing from Wong's perspective even though he DIED at the end but I guess we all kind of saw that coming. Whether that happens canonically or not who cares, lol.

Also hold on a hot minute:
Perhaps he knew more of this power than most in the universe.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!!!?? How does he KNOW?? I wanna assume it's a really simple answer like "he read about it in the books, DUH" but does he have experience with the stones???

Anyways now that I'm not distracted by that for real it was really cool that you kind of started off where Infinity War left off, and picked up with what was happening on earth. It definitely answered a bunch of questions that I know I, as a viewer, was already thinking concerning what happened directly after, or just, what was going on on earth while everyone else was dying in space, you feel me.

I get how you'd want this as your prologue and I think it helps as a lead-in for people to find some common ground with a character most Marvel fans already know. That said, the bit about Erica and just kind of shoehorning her name in there only for her to die seconds later felt a little awkward I guess? Mostly just because of her quick disappearance I was kind of just like: ........ I never knew you, but I guess you have a name and oop- now you're gone kthxbai. So I guess... I don't know if you need her name in there? She could just be a nameless student? Does Wong even need to recognize any of them or does it matter to point that out? Is Erica important and I just don't know it yet? Find out next time on the next episode.

But oh!! Oh!! You did a really good job with describing and I think the whole spoofing from one place to the next makes sense if you've seen the movies - especially Doctor Strange, which kinda explains a lot of that - so I don't know how you could write those parts better. Obviously I don't think you need to explain how the special doors and portals work in detail. So I dunno. I think it's good as is? It is supposed to be like, fan fiction/a spinoff/whatever people call it, right?

Anywho uh. I think that's all I have for now. Legit though, if you have any questions or comments or whatever please ASK me. Big luv. Good job. So proud you got this out so fast. You got this.

<3 sound




Omni says...


HI SOUND YES SOME HECKIN OKAY MARVEL FANFICTION IS HERE

Okay, so the gauntlet acts as a storage device for the Infinity Stones. The power lies in the stones and the user of the Stone. Basically, if someone is strong enough, they can handle a Stone. I'm not sure if anyone can straight up handle all six stones at once without something to carry their burden for them, like the gauntlet. But yeah, Thanos is still very powerful to be able to use all six Infinity Stones like that. Wong would also know about Thanos and a bit of his goal from the beginning of Infinity War. He knows far more about the Stones themselves than Thanos ;)

Did Wong die at the end? :P

Wong knows more about the Infinity Stones through research, yeah, and we'll find more about that in the next parts of the prologue.

Erica is not important, and I only put a name on her because it would make her seem a bit more human and Wong a bit more relatable. My mindset was like "Wong knows this person but they will remain unnamed because they are only there to serve the purpose of turning into ash and kicking Wong's butt into gear." While yeah that's all true, she was only there for that reason, I didn't want it to sound too throwaway of a character.

I'm still 50/50 on keeping her name in there, though. Like, there was another scholar named. Was that one okay?

Ty sound I can't wait to read and review your stuff :D



soundofmind says...


YOU ARE VERY WELCOME and now u have me rethinking everything omg. DID he die??!?!??! I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE OMNOM!!! Also thank you for educating me in the marvel-ness.

And I get your reasoning for putting her name in there! I guess for me I was just like, I dON't cARE aBOuT ErICa I JUSt WanT To KnOw aBOut TYLeR so... yeah.



soundofmind says...


you could say... maybe I was WONG about him being DEAD BAHAHAHAHH



Omni says...


SOUND



soundofmind says...


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH



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Mon Jul 02, 2018 1:04 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey Omni, I'm so excited about LMS that I've decided to review every chapter I can get my hands on xD

Nit-picks:

Master of the Mystic Arts Wong never did like

I'm not sure what you can do about this, but it's slightly confusing that there's no break between "Arts" and "Wong". I almost looks like Wong is the last word of the title. Do you think it would be possible to have it like "Wong, Master of the Mystic Arts"?

loitered near blocks from the very building he was sworn to protect

I think you might mean "mere" rather than "near".

and as the keeper of the New York Sanctum, he could not try and locate them for more than the few moments he was afforded a break from repairing the New York Sanctum.

Repetition of "New York Sanctum" so close together reads a bit clunky.

Wong backed back into his Sanctum.

Similarly jarring repetition.

He knew not what the magic carried with it, but only one person would be able to harness the intense energy needed for something with that magnitude.

This is a bit confusing, but I'm struggling to explain why. At the very least, it's taking me a few reads through. Is this meant to be signalling that he knows who is behind the magic, but not what the magic itself is doing?

Wong raced up one of the mirrored spiral staircases to the artifact collections. He beelined to an urn resting in a corner of the room. He reached deep into the urn and it glowed under his touch, splashing harsh light all around the room.

Quite repetitive sentence structure here, as in three sentences in a row being statements of the MC's actions.

to the reaches of his abilities

I think you're missing either a "furthest" before "reaches", or "reaches" should be a different word eg "limits".

emptied his mind. He could feel the magic working its way into his body and mind

Repetition of "mind".

Overall:

I think almost all the main issues here were stylistic, and I've picked up on pretty much all of those in the nit-picks. I saw that you wrote this super quick in a write-in last night, so that's entirely fair xD

The only other big thing I can see is that sometimes setting is a bit confusing. I enjoy Marvel, but I'm not the most dedicated fan, so there might be things I'd understand better had I a) seen Doctor Strange and b) paid more attention to Infinity War. What I mean is that one moment Wong is in New York, then he's in Hong Kong, then he's in a library in New York again? It hit me at "sprawled out from a point in Africa" the exact timeline of what was taking place (again, had I paid more attention to Infinity War, I'd probably have been able to figure that out from the timeline set up at the start). These are things that you can choose to explain more or less in fanfiction, but the more you explain the less it requires your readers to be familiar with the source material, and the more reviews you're likely to get on here :P

You also did plenty of things very well - a hugely suspenseful ending, rapid pacing that hooked me in very quickly, some characterisation of Wong without being tell-y (props for having a non-white MC btw), interesting plot device that makes me want to read on in order to know what Wong could possibly do about the end of Infinity War.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Omni says...


AHHHH Thank you so much for your review Biscuits! Your nitpicks help out quite a bit, as I don't really revise my work before publishing it (as I'll get into a deep and never-ending hole of revising until I die xD)

I agree with the first sentence. In my head it sounded nice but it's also a mouthful to read and comprehend, so I'll definitely implement your suggestion there.

For the magic part, yep! At this point, Wong knows that Thanos is seeking the Infinity Stones (which he knows quite a bit about). He doesn't know exactly what Thanos wants to do with said Stones, but he knows he used them.

I completely understand what you're meaning with the chaos of locations, and that is completely purposeful. I like to set my stories up with chaos and throwing the reader into the action. There's a lot of information I'm spewing out at you, and when things are intense, the protag wouldn't linger too much on describing things, so I try not to as well. I think there's a balance act of throwing information out there and describing that information. I'm not sure I hit that balance well enough here, especially to someone who doesn't know too much about Marvel. Especially with a fanfiction, I'm treading into dangerous territory of expecting the reader to know things that, in a normal setting they wouldn't. I think, going back through, I would try to implement some more natural explanations to things, especially on the magical side of things.

Thank you so much for reviewing! I hope this answered some of your questions :D



Omni says...


I have made revisions based on your suggestions! They were very helpful and I hope that, if you have a chance, you could skim over and tell me your thoughts on some of the more problematic parts (like the magic) and see if they're clearer. Thanks!



ExOmelas says...


Sure thing, I'll try and get a chance tomorrow ^.^




Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
— Captain Raymond Holt