Fragments of dreams
Lie cracked
in the hidden and forgotten
nooks of our subconscious
Driven away
by standards and norms
they see tailored to them
but not to the thinkers,
the dreamers
the lovers
its never for us
only for them.
"Who are they?" You ask.
They are the ones
who take a convenient lie
over a difficult truth.
They are the ones who don't think
to smell the roses in life
Who don't dream of something different than money
or power
or fame.
Who don't love those others
than the ones
who are like them
and their demented ways.
Those who can only smell
Profit and price
convenience and appearance
But the thinkers
and the dreamers
and the lovers
are different.
They march to their own beat
They write their own stories
They dream of a better tomorrow
Yes, they march to their own beat.
Because they can smell the roses in life.
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139,816 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hey dear !
Except the Grammer part I didn't find anything is lacking . Infact a very straightforward poem and beautifully carved. The wotds are seeming that comes directly grom heart. You gave that feeling through your penning and I really appreciate .
So overall a nice anf lovely piece.
Stay blessed
Hey! I am here to review your poem.
First off, good poem! But there is quite a bit of grammar errors. In line 8, you can see a extra space between but and not. You should have a comma after dreamers in line 9. In line 11 it should be "it's" not "its". In line 19 there should be a comma after money, and in line 20 a comma after power. You need to put a period in line 28, in lines 29 and 30 you need a comma at the end.
Other than those everything is good! I can feel the poem almost giving out to me, mocking me.
It sets images in my mind, and the word choice is perfect.
Very good poem for you first, other than the minor mistakes.
Keep writing!
First I will critique then praise... you have a fair amount of minor grammar errors...in the second line there should be a hyphen(-) between lie and cracked, in line 8 you have an extra space between but and not, in line 9 a comma after dreamers, in line 11 its should be it's, in line 19 there should be a comma at the end and likewise in line 20. you also need a period at the end of line 28, in lines 29, and 30 you need a comma at the end of each, and in the 3-5 next to last lines you need a period, then at the second last the period you have there should be a comma. Other than that, I think you're good.
The tone of this is very straightforward and has a bit of a mocking tone in it from time to time. I like this, not a lot of poems can pull of the mocking tone but yours is one of the few that can. Overall, I like the word-choice and the meaning. A VERY good job for your first poem other than the mistakes.
Always keep writing, the more you write, the better you get!