Death Wish

Chapter One

One of these days I'm going to do it you know? I'm just going to give in to that sweet, beautiful bliss that so many people are scared of. I'm just going to do it and no one will even notice, much less care.

Chapter Two

I bet you think I'm stupid for it. That I get all F's in school and that I get beat and abused one way or another. Or maybe you feel sorry for me and want to call the police or something and be my hero.

Well here's a news flash for you, fuck off and just leave me alone! It's none of your business! You can't be my hero. You can't help me or anyone else for that matter. Do you want to know why? Because I'm too far down this hole. My feet are already burning and there is not a single rope in the world that can reach me.

Chapter Three

Here's the thing, I have a secret. Do you want to know what it is? But you have to promise not to tell anyone. This has to stay between you and me.

I have a dirty, old, broken spoon in my back pocket and when he's not looking, I dig myself out. Little by little I'm going to get out of here.

You see that big rock over there? Well here is another secret. Behind that rock is a tunnel. It's small and makes me feel like everything will come caving down on me, but it's my way out. Maybe my only and my last.

Chapter Four

I once heard in a song that you can't kill a man when he's dead. For a while I just couldn't process it because you can.

You can kill a man when he's dead.

Chapter Five

Am I real? Well I am not fake that's for sure because when I pinch myself to see if I'm just a nightmare, I feel it. It doesn't hurt like people say it should, but I feel a slight tingle. Just a little bit, but it's enough to let me know.

Here's a random question, have you ever felt like that? Like you're just a ghost walking around. Invisible to everyone, but you know you're there. That you are real, but it's like you're dreaming and your body is trying to hide from you. And you think for a moment, maybe you hurt it too much? No, there is no such thing as too much.

Chapter Six

"Don't talk to me! Not today. Just leave me alone for today!". My voice starts to get weak, "Please?" I say "Just go". Then I think to myself 'I don't want you to suffer with me'. I feel my nose get warm and I think my eyes start to bleed. I fall to my knees and just let everything out. Years of agony and torment that I have tried so hard to keep in, gone.

You stand there for a moment and I know what you are thinking. You think that I am pathetic. That I am stupid for not being able to keep it together. That I deserve to be the way I am.

Then I hear the dirt move and I slightly tilt my head up only to see that you're disappearing. And when you are almost completely out of my sight, you are too far away to hear me. To listen to the only cry for help I will ever make. "Please, don't go... I'm sorry." barely a whisper, but I still said it.

The thing is, that it's too late. You're already gone, just like everyone else.

Chapter Seven

I wonder how my little sister felt that time she walked in on me. I bet she forgot how badly she had to pee. She was so young, I hope I didn't taint her with my filth.

She witnessed me at my most vulnerable. She saw me in the empty tub, I don't know if she saw the blade or not, but what she did see was blood. Lots and lots of blood.

I can't blame her for looking at me with eyes full of horror. I can't blame her for still crying sometimes when she sees me, even though it happened about a year ago. I can't blame her because that is how I feel when I look at the monster in the mirror.

Chapter Eight

I remember the time I was so close to freedom that I could almost taste it. I bet it was something sweet and delicious. Something incredible that made you feel like you were floating on clouds, the good ones of course. Just thinking about it made my mouth water.

But suddenly, I slipped and started to fall, fall into eternity. Into the darkness of the bottom. And since then, I have never been so close to the light again.

Chapter Nine

I'm so scared. It's not a secret and I don't care if you know because you are too. You are afraid of them finding out. To know that dirty little secret that you keep inside.

What was that? You don't have one?

Liar.

Can you honestly tell me that you do not have a single thing that you are scared about them finding out? Think for once in your life. Use that worthless little brain that you have inside that thick head of yours.

Did you find it? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Chapter Ten

It happened again. I woke up in the middle of the night screaming and drenched in sweat. It had not happened in such a long time I thought they were gone. I thought I killed them. Well I guess I thought wrong because I saw them so clearly, as if I was reliving them.

A shiver runs through me when I think about going through that hell again. No. I refuse to let myself suffer that much again. Even if I do deserve it.

Chapter Eleven

Help me. They don't stop. Why don't they just leave me alone? The voices inside my head are eating me inside out. I grab the pocket knife that I keep hidden under my bed and just bleed the voices out. I slice my skin open as I push the knife deeper than ever before. I let them and all my worries go.

But it didn't work this time. I still hear them, feel them crawling under my skin. Now I'm desperate and want them out.

I get up and bang my head against the wall several times. Nothing. They're still there and stronger than ever. I do it again, but this time harder and I hear something crack.

Pain shoots through me and I start to see black. 'I don't want to die this way' I think, 'Please, just help me. You are my only hope'. I give up and let my body and soul be engulfed by the burning darkness.

Chapter Twelve

Just a small push. A push that could have been the difference between my life and death. And you did nothing. Not even glance my way.

How could you just let me die? How could you let the one you say you love die in such a way? How could you have let me kill myself? Was I really that much of a burden to you? Did you hate me that much? Why did you just stand there and do nothing as I suffered until I could no longer take it?

That's why I hate you, Mom. Yes, I pushed you away first, but you weren't supposed to actually go.

Chapter Thirteen

I let the words pass my mind, 'I'm glad I killed myself' and I smile at them because, in a way, they were true. After I got out of that dreadful hole, I grew these giant, beautiful wings and simply flew away.

I let the wind take me and turn me into dust.

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A/N: This was actually an old school assignment and I wanted to post the chapters separately, but I don't know when I would have enough points to post all thirteen chapters.

I hope you enjoyed it.