It is spent, no more will come.
The words within have been undone.
I cannot sequence more vibration;
It will not sound so simple, clear.
I thought that I
Could write a poem:
Invoke flaming passion
Or burning feeling
Or heroic oration
Pah
I am not special, I am imperfect:
Residual flaws and reflected faults
Curse my fingers as the pen rolls
From left to right and I slowly
Realise that it is not possible
To transpose pure thought to paper.
“The pen is mightier than the sword”
Pah
********
Went out on a limb here and tried something completely new - so no flaming.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'd honestly like to be able to agree with your claim that this is completely original, but frankly, I can't.
You'd be surprised just how many poems there are about the process of writing, or components found in, a poem. However, with that in mind, I'll still critique this as a standalone piece, not dependent on either stereotype or cliche.
You start out with a rhyme, so when you don't follow through with it, the jump is awkward. I'd honestly say that this would be better with a solid rhyme scheme, and that's not a stance I usually take on semi-rhyming poetry. The latter 2 lines could do with a rewording, as they almost sound forced as it is now. However, if you do rewrite this as a structured rhyming piece (as I believe you should), keep the opening.
'flaming passion' and 'burning feeling' are, in essence, the same thing. With that said, specify just what type of flaming passion you mean. It's an oft-used descriptor, and I believe you could come up with a more fitting and refreshing image on your own. Be bold; make your own phrases, combine words in new ways.
the 'not special' statement seems rather irrelevant to the main point, so I'd nix it. However, the second line is well worded, and the two following it flow well together. The ending quote and subsequent 'Pah' seem an ending born of desperation, and I know you can do better than that. But you get props for using the British spelling of 'realis[/z]e'. So...yeah.
Overall, instate a proper rhyme scheme, and when you do, be sure to focus on flow. Cut out the points that are of no purpose, and try and condense the whole piece; it should add a desirable bite of potency. (remember, every word truly does count).
Irrevocably yours,
~The CCF
i really like this...but it doesnt make much sense
Very nice. Yes, always a good idea if you're finding writing difficult, just write a poem on not being able to write a poem. Lol.
I like this and in fact it's the 'imperfections' of this piece that make it all the better. It's not some huge adventurous thing or some deeply provoking thoughts, it's just a person out there no different from a thousand other writers who's having trouble putting thought to paper. I'm not sure that the quote at the end fits but then again... Nope. Undecided on that one.
Altogether it's a good piece and very well written.
Original! It's kind of confusing though. I like the 'pen rolling' thing.
But you acually did make me have a burning feeling,
because I could never write a poem this original...
or should I say, special...
EDIT:
Well, I suppose I shouldn't give up?
hehe