I entered into the world of my dreams,
where people where dressed in white,
who were shining bright!,
In fact, I would say that it was just
a matter of seconds that it was just a sight!
There, I could see a very bright light,
which was shining with such a might,
This was the very moment which made me smile!
But suddenly,I felt so surprised that the white-dressed
strangers told me that I was in heaven!
Was I in heaven?
Really?
It couldnt be!,
But again, to make sure I found myself,
sleeping with an angel on my bed!
But alas! It was just a dream...............
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hello sindhu98,
As far as the poem itself went it was actually quite good. Most of what you wrote was meaningful and the message was sweet. I felt though, that this lacked something and that it wasn't quite complete. It just didn't feel very strong and powerful and it lacked the factors of poems that I enjoy. Don't get me wrong, this is a nice poem, but it just doesn't feel complete to me and I don't think you have made this as interesting and powerful as you could have done. There's just something missing if you know what I mean...
First of all, personally I don't really think it was a good idea to include this rhyming scheme. I felt that if anything it reduced the strength of this poem and I think that you disrupted the flow of this poem by including the rhyming words. Also you didn't even seem to have a particular pattern for this rhyming, you just seemed to chuck in a few rhyming words every now and then and it felt like the poem revolved around the rhyming and it all felt a little patchy. At first you used it effectively but after a while it just felt a bit dull.
I think you should take out the word "into" because it increases the lack of flow in this line and I think it would just sound nicer.
This is just a minor mistake but it stuck out like a sore thumb. You wrote "where" after people but that's wrong, I think that you mean "were".
There shouldn't be an extra comment at the end, it's unnecessary because you already have punctuation at the end of the sentence to finish it.
I didn't really understand this line at all, It doesn't make sense like everything else and I was honestly confused by this part.
You need a space after the comma. Also, I don't really think you need the word "so" in this part, it just sounds a bit odd when you read the next part.
These lines are significantly shorter than the rest and i think you need to maybe incorporate both of the lines to make one longer line.
"Couldn't" not "couldnt". Also you put two bits of punctuation at the end again.
I didn't really understand this part either, it was just a little strange and it didn't really make sense.
Woah! I really don't think you need to put the excessive full stops at the end of this line. It just looks a little messy and I think three would work just fine.
Overall you have a good start but you still have a lot of work to do. Keep on practicing and make sure you never stop writing. This has loads of potential and you have an excellent start. Keep on writing!
From DreamingForever
Okay first thing that i would like to say is that I really enjoyed reading this poem and that I found your writing not only unique, but amazingly beautiful. The only real errors I found with it was that you would add a comma where they didn't belong for example you wrote
I found this only twice though. Also I would have to say that your format was a little choppy with how you wrote a long line and then a line with only one word. I really enjoyed this poem and found a few mistakes. Keep on writing. You have a great talent!It is really good! I think its a great idea, but the not ryhming parts are a bit not good compared to the rest of the poem.You did a great job!
lili
I loved the poem,it had an amazing ending, and this is how a lot people feel like everything good is just a dream.
I liked it, but just as a quick point, i found that the rhyming scheme you used was too excessive. Apart from that, I did enjoy it, good luck in the future!