Alone

Hey there,


Thank you so much WaitingForLife! The comments you have made have been documented and I have changed them in my personal file. (I don't really want to change it on here because then it wouldn't be fair ) And iampaulop thank you for your review, and I know what you mean about the overload of descriptions, I am trying other styles of writing, but I always seem to come back to the descriptions

Thanks for the reviews

Heya! Here to help to the best of my ability:

As this is for an English class ( if I didn't completely misinterpret), I'll try to be as thorough as possible with nitpicks. That been said, I really liked the imagery you have going here. I'm completely exhausted at the moment, and the scenery you painted just enveloped me. Thanks for that.

To me it described loneliness, yes, but in a way to make it seem not so bad. I'm not sure if that was what you were going for, but it's what I got out o f it.

Your grammar was fine in general, but there were some sloppy mistakes, which I'll point out for you.

Mid-night's frost

crunches were made while

The sun rose above the final hurdle of darkness.

spreading, weaving through life

The smell of fresh grass and the flower's earthy perfume lingered in (this) nose.

but felt, as always

light and loneliness remanded

all that he had left were the indents made in by his feet in the dirt by the oak tree.

The wolf’s four paw prints were still there.

My mind became too crowded with all the descriptions given. I cant imagine the place and the situations very clear, just in my opinion or maybe my mind was already crowded even before I had read this one. And also, if it werent for the title, I cant even guess what kind of emotion you are trying to imply. But in the contrary of what I have said earlier, nice descriptive job! I just cant appreciate too many descriptions there. hehe

Anyway sorry for my very short review...

Hey there,

Thanks for the review, I agree about the paragraph and shall change that now And to answer your question the emotion is loneliness, and I think that's why I don't really like the piece because I don't think that it depicts the emotion but I could be wrong

Hey, Nyx. First I'll say what a beautiful picture you painted here. It was well-written and fairly easy to read. I can't find any faults with your wording, which I find shocking, since I usually detect wording that can be revisioned a mile away. It's simply too perfect. So, I'll stick with nitpicks.

The biggest thing is that the third paragraph should be split-- into two, three, maybe four smaller ones. This one was so massive my eyes just panicked and skipped to the fourth, which made things really confusing until I made myself read the third through. Paragraphs that long could be their own room in a house of horrors; they're truly terrifing to readers.

Once bright and joyful flowers, stood tall and frozen like a cement statue.