cat's eye

Babu. Here with a retrospective on a poem I love so much.

So I know you've gotten tons of praise for your imagery, for your stylistic and flow choices and I've GIVEN that praise as well, but I want to talk about your inference potential for a bit. What that means is that you state your claims, but when you move into the area for imagery and leave the sentiments behind, when it's up for the reader to interpret as they will, your poem fires on all cylinders because you allow the reader to take it as they will. There's no wrong here, and that is absolutely wonderful.

All too often it's easy for poets to say "This is feeling A. This is feeling B. Feel A or B will hurt you." Ya feel?

But when inference is left open, we're allowed to dive into our own mirror-like minds and stare at the beautiful parts, the ugly parts, the parts that keep us awake at night texting our best friends because getting it out helps fend the darkness away, or tame it.

So what if the person in the stanza of imagery isn't a person, but the personification of dark thoughts? What if it's a mirror of the speaker, and they're longing for their love to come through for themselves? I adore that reading, that possibility, and I don't think it's been considered yet.

This is how I want you to view poetry, and that's why I wanted to review this.

I love you, and I hope this helps,
Ty

Hey Nutty!

I think I've seen you around a time or two? Your name is familiar to me.

Anyway, I wanted something to eat and I stumbled onto your poem, so here I am to gorge myself >3

Overall, I think you're right on point with this poem. You sound like you know what you're doing, which is great. I think this is most obvious with the way you go about the last couple of stanzas. You talk about things in descriptive manners, and bring the metaphor to a head rather than letting it drift off onto it's own thing. You talk about this marble which you're using as a metaphor against love, a comparison to love, and I think it's a good way to do it. Instead of trying to tackle all of the things that love IS, you're just saying, "well I can describe it through negatives" or I can take a picture of where it's not to figure out where it is.

Love is something difficult to contain, impossible to hold, and not surface deep. It's not just about lust, it's not about what you can see and do, but what you're experiencing between two people and how they create a relationship.

I think what the other reviewers are pointing out in your poem are basic mistakes that just take a little bit of revision to get right. You have a couple places that are awkward, like they mentioned, and a few ideas that don't feel fully developed, but overall the poem is really stable and good.

In the future, I'd love to see more of the stuff like after you hit "I" in this poem. I love that section of the poem because it feels genuine and honest. You're talking about something personal there and that's what I enjoy in poetry. Even if it's completely impersonal to you as a person, that first person really drives home that this is a real person experiencing real things [regardless of if it is a real person or not. It's a real character.] I want to see more of that and less of the statements like the first stanza where you're talking obliquely about objects. Talk about interacting with the objects unless you're doing a poem strictly about nature, or giving nature personality by personifying it.

Then again, that's just how I relate best to poems and I hope that it gives you something more to write because looking at your related items is depressing. I want more. Gimmie more >D

A Hopeful Reader,
Aley

Hello Nutty, great work on your poem!
This is Ace101 here to write a hopefully helpful review!
So first, I really liked how you said, "Love is not like a marble, Easily contained in open palm and certainly not in closed fist leaking between my fingers and into yours" the only thing I have for that is it should be "in AN open palm"
not in open palm,
at least I don't think, now I am no expert on poems and rimes and stuff like that, but, I think that would make just a bit more sense
but I loved your poem and cant wait to read more of your work

Ace101 out!

Heyo, Nutty! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this stanza by stanza, so I hope you don't mind! Anyway, to the review!

love is not a glass marble
easily contained in open palm
and certainly not in closed fist-
leaking between my fingers and into yours

love is not felt in the touch of your lip, nor
do I find it in the crease of your knuckle
that I study with the pad of my thumb
instead it's found in pregnant pauses
the sleep in your lashes
in sodden pillows
in the ragged breath you'd rather not take

if love were a marble, perhaps
it could be put away, contained
collected, forgotten
bring it to the light and tilt it just so
marvel at the colour, tuck it in your pocket (or)
gather it from my tongue, my eyes, my pen
press it between your palms
contain it, collect it--

--a child's plaything, marvel at the colour
close your fist and put it away.