Published May 27, 2005
You people never cease to confuse me.
All I wanted was to share my greatest happiness with you.
I tell you about what I believe and how it has changed my life for the better,
And what do you do?
You get offended.
You accuse me of being amoral.
Why should I force my beliefs on you?
But I wasn’t.
You build up a wall, blocking everything out.
Logic.
Truth.
Hope.
Your heart tells you it’s wrong.
But then, when did you let truth come from God?
It has to come from human reasoning, right?
It has to sound good to everyone, right?
I wish I could just go back-
Back to when logic and religion were friends.
Back when the world trusted God.
Back when the world understood.
I wish I could stop all the pain.
I know how.
Everyone’s got it wrong.
And you keep building your wall.
You don’t want truth to stop your fun.
You don’t want to admit you were wrong.
When you bring yourself pain, then you believe-
Believe that God is there-
And that it’s all His fault.
Will you never stop leaving me in the dark?
Will you ever learn to listen with your heart?
Open your ears, think without bias-
Open your mind. God won’t do it for you.
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140,568 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Meh, this was pretty much just a freewrite.
I understand that you just wanted to write something down, but we're here to help you. I think the meaning was strong, but the writting had no edge. Just think, make it flow/add metaphors. You know, the whole shabang.
Keep on writing in the free world.
Surprisingly for me (being very much into rhythm and rhyme) I felt that those things would hinder my message too much. Also, as I said before, I was really tired and didn't want to think that hard to come up with a good rhythm. I just wrote down what I felt.
I thought this was good. I loved your theme and you worded it very well. I think you could use some rhythm if at all possible to make it flow, but this was very good.
Yeah the beginning was a bit wordy. I was really tired and cranky yesterday, so I just had to write something to vent my frustration a bit. I probably don't need to tell you that this poem was influenced mainly by the debate forum.
Wow Bobo. I loved it. When I first started reading it, I expected to find the cliche tale of how someone's heart has been broken and I started not to finish...hm...maybe you could work on the beginning a little. You were kind of wordy there in the first stanza.
"Your heart tells you it’s wrong.
But then, when did you let truth come from God?
It has to come from human reasoning, right?
It has to sound good to everyone, right?"
I'm not usually one for repetitive poetry...especially asking more than one question in a stanza but this was very good...I don't know what else to say, really...
You're a great writer.