Published July 8, 2005
Look me in the eyes and say what you've got to say.
When I see into your soul it makes you nervous and you don't look my way.
I smile because I know where your heart is, and your whole life's in mine.
You blush because you feel I've invaded what is real in your mind.
But when I hold you close, you know I'll do you no harm and you're fine.
Just enter the embrace, arm in arm or face to face, and I'll find you.
Your body and soul is in my hands,
But you shouldn't feel betrayed when I'm with you.
Will you visit with my mind?
Can you leave your life behind?
Believe me, I know you'll be fine.
'Cause this is my life.
Can I share it with you?
Through love and through strife,
Will you hear my tale through?
I tell you in thick or thin,
I will devote myself to you.
If you think it's too much,
We never really have to just dive in.
I understand your discomfort, because I'd feel quite the same way myself.
If someone was reading my sould like a book they just took off of some old, word shelf.
I've been nervous before, I'll be nervous again many times before my life ends.
But there's no need to be nervous; just remember-
I'm your friend.
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When I read poems like that, I imagine that the author has an intended reader, and not that he's just writing to whoever the heck happens to read it.
And no, it should be "Look me in the eyes."
And yeah, this was really more of a poetic freewrite than something meant to be a poem. It ended up as a poem, but it's not meant to be overly poetic or use a lot of figurative language or anything like that.
To be honest, I couldn't read straight through to the ending. It didn't catch my attention. I think it would be better in third person. It annoys me when poets address the audience as "you" before establishing a relationship or somehow providing a role for the audience. My first reaction really is, "Who are you and why do you think you know me?"
Just a thought.
I love the fact that it flows so smoothly and it's not fake. It's very sincere and has a real feeling to it.
Very nice job.
I don't really have any criticism for it though.
It's very sincere. You don't try to be extravagent with you words. Which is good, it doesn't sound overdone. I really liked this, and I don't read a lot of poetry. Good job.
Yes, very lovely. Just an honest, heart-felt piece of writing. Not very poetic, but it's so real, not trying to be more than it is, that it doesn't matter.
I really enjoyed this Bobo... I don't really have anything constructive to say, but I really did enjoy it.
Uh... Just one correction. Shouldn't "look me in the eyes" be "look at me in the eyes"?
Yeah...not all poems could be songs. Unless you're just a magnificent composer, I guess you could come up with something. I've tried to turn some of my poems into songs...heh...didn't turn out to nicely. But like I said, this would be a perfect song.
It could be a song. But really, what are songs but poetry with a tune? I guess not all poems would work as songs, but this is supposed to be a poem. Thanks for commenting, Chevy!
You are really yourself in your writings. Is this a poem or a song? It's great either way, but I think it's better a song. The rhyming did not bother me for some reason. And I love the title by the way.