{'-xxxxx-' has been used as a paragraph change}
I stood on the cliff in solitude,
No one in my sight.
A peaceful feeling came over me,
And filled me with delight.
I was now free to think and brood,
With no one at all to intrude,
All the day and night.
-xxxxx-
I looked down with no fear,
In the distance a sea-gull cried,
The waves were a sparkling blue,
The sadness in me inside,
They crashed on the rocks down here,
They seemed to slash and tear,
Until they had vanished to hide.
-xxxxx-
I wished I was like a wave,
Ever free with naught a care,
Nothing to hide within myself,
No compliance in the air.
But the sea in me, it will stay,
Although I don’t wish to be that way,
Restless, irresolute, out of nowhere.
-xxxxx-
The boundless sky looked fresh and new,
Some white clouds floated in and out,
Momentarily I felt alone,
I was myself without a doubt.
Dawn approached, the sun was due,
The first rays hit me, this was the cue,
For the happiness again began to shout,
I finally felt a better hue.
{Any and all reviews will be appreciated}
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,625 Reviews
Hi! K1553 here with a review.
To be honest, I don't really have any criticism. Mostly I just want to point out what you did right, so you can do the same thing later. The metaphor you used was well constructed and thoughtful. The rhyming was superb, and the rhythm (in terms of syllables per line) was pretty much perfect. The only thing I would correct is the line "The sadness in me inside." I felt that it was a bit redundant. But other than that, job well done. Really beautiful.
Hey there! Shey here for a review!
I'll start this off saying I enjoyed this poem. However, as always, I have a few comments. So, I'll jump right into it.
Firstly, as the reviewer before me already covered, this piece needs formatting. Without stanzas, it comes across an intimidating wall of text. I probably can guess that you had this piece formatted, and then when you put it in the publishing center, the format was lost. It's a common issue. Here's a solution. The publishing center runs on HTML, so you can tell it to format using HTML code. Take each stanza, and before each put <p>. After each one put </p>. This tells the center to put spacing between these, because they're individual paragraphs. It also tells it to preserve whitespace, so if you want to do fancy indents or something, you can. Now, the paragraph codes won't accept separate lines in the stanza, so to have phrases on different lines, you'll want to add breaks. So, after every line accept the last, do </br>. This will make your poem like nicer overall. It seems like a lot of work, but it really isn't as much as one would think.
I see three random words were emboldened, 'I', 'I', and 'The'. To be entirely honest, I have no clue why they are emboldened, but I would like to know. I'm sure you know, but I'm your piece, the reason isn't apparent. You should consider making it more obvious why they're accented, because otherwise it seems like you're randomly emboldening things for fun. I'd offer suggestions on how to make it more clear, but since I don't know why myself, I can't. So, you're on your own.
Overall, great piece! I look forward to seeing more from you! Keep up the great work!
Hey there Notyou21,
Myjaspercat here to leave you a review
Ok, so that was in interesting poem. There are quite a few things that I would like to talk about though that will hopefully make this good piece into a great piece.
1. Formatting is a bit of a problem here. Two reasons why: one stanzas and two rhyme scheme.
The whole stanzas deal is a bit simpler so let's start there. Mainly, you should break this text down into multiple stanzas instead of keeping it this one. The reasons why are that a huge wall of text can deter your readers from even reading this piece and it can become a bit tedious to read. Also, just like punctuation, stanzas help in the fact that they tell your reader when they should pause for a moment and think about what they just read. They can also help with the flow of the poem.
Before we go into depth about the rhyme scheme lets take another look at your poem [with it also being broken down into stanzas]:
Spoiler
Quick note: I may have missed a rhyme or I may have thrown in one but I'm pretty sure I have them all down.
So if you look at the poem, you'll noticed you had a small pattern at the beginning but towards the middle and end that pattern started to vanish. As well, there were places where every single line rhymed and places where only one line rhymed. Now I'm not the best when it come to rhyming since I particularly write only free verse poetry, but I think it would help your piece a lot if you could establish one set rhyming pattern.
2.Capitalization and Punctuation. For one, you don't need to have some form of punctuation at the end of every line. Doing so can really bring down the flow of your poem. There are some places that would benefit more if they were left "naked" so to say. Two, same as punctuation, not every line needs to be capitalized. Think about it this way: if you were to move all these lines until they were in a box [or a paragraph] you wouldn't want to have randomly capitalized words in the middle of a sentence. If the line is not the beginning of a new sentence/thought or idea, then it shouldn't be capitalized.
3. The last thing I want to mention is that while this was a nice poem and I did like it for the most part, a lot of the ideas you had [description] are super overused and cliché. When you write you want to make the writing your own.
I think that's it, I hope I didn't come off rude or anything. If you have questions feel free to ask. Good luck and continue writing.
Hey myjaspercat,
Thank you for the review. I would like to clarify that the rhyme scheme was ABCBAAB (which you probably missed because of my problem with the formatting and maybe because it's well... a bit complicated).
-Not21