January 1, 2022.
The first words I have typed are here.
I would express who I am but it wouldn’t truly match.
I would tell you that I am the girl who writes. Who sings, and dances.
Who is full of emotion and curious about the world around her.
I would tell you that I am lively and unique, that I am someone worth being around.
But that is not what my walls would tell you.
My walls would tell you that I am sad.
That I am lonely.
My walls would tell you that I stream to rant because I know that no one watches.
My walls would tell you that I only have friends during school hours and
My walls would tell you that the only person who texted me on New Year was my mother.
She was next to me. She did it because no one else did.
My walls would tell you that I have more crystals and candles than I do original thoughts and that my phone battery lasts longer than my own.
My walls would tell you that I have more rootbeer bottles in my room than I do pairs of shoes and that I collect flowers to watch them wilt. I say I will use the petals for art or spell jars but the sight of them there has grown on me.
My walls would also tell you that my light has been dimmed for the past year.
We thought it was dying. I guess it’s an electricity problem.
I don’t mind the dark but when I need to see the most, I am the blindest.
That when I do have a vision or idea, it doesn’t come out as good as I hoped.
The chords don’t match.
Those words don’t rhyme.
That’s the wrong shade of purple.
The pencil broke.
I don’t have a sharpener.
I used to have a sharpener.
I took it apart years ago.
The blade is laying around with rust.
I didn’t need it anymore when my parents bought me my own pocket knife.
I’m not mad. They didn’t know.
They did know.
They always knew.
They just didn’t want to believe they knew.
My walls will tell you that I laugh often.
My walls will tell you that I have a beautiful smile and I like to share.
My walls will tell you that I am calm and collected with many hobbies.
My walls will tell you that I am clean and this room is organized.
My walls will tell you that I am talented. My art turns out how I wish it to and that I find it easy to make the images I envision.
My walls will tell you that my friends don’t text often because they are busy.
My walls will tell you that I work out, and eat healthily.
My walls will not share my secret and that I am tired.
My walls will not tell you that I can’t bring myself to eat.
My walls will not tell you that I am slowly rotting away.
My walls watch me sleep.
My walls watch me cry.
My walls watch me cry until I sleep.
My walls watch. My walls know.
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Canary word: Present
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
This is gem hoping out of his jewelrybox for a quick review.
I don't review very often so if this isnt helpful just let me know how I could improve.
First impression by the title~
"Hmm, is this going to be one of /those/ gossiping wall type dealies." My first thought because most of the time people seem to tie "if my walls could talk" to naughty themes.
First impression by first read~
I was curious about the speakers struggle with identifying themself. I often feel the same way.
How I Portray the poem:
This poem seems to center on internal conflict maybe even depression. The walls narrate a spiralling behavior, the narrator is amazing but the narrator is losing themself. They are losing their interest in the things they do, becoming numb. But the narrator is not just numb they are bitter. The fuel of this poem is bitterness inside hopelessness. The narrator feels that no one can help because no one will help.
I love your capitalization and it fits the poem very nicely! I also think that the walls are metaphorical and it especially shows in the last thirteen lines. My walls fake a smile too sometimes and they are really good at pretending I am a functional human being. This poem is deeper than first impressions and I love that.
I don't see any issues in grammar and you chose not to style the poem with punctuation so I guess I don't have any criticism. I hope that seeing my impressions of the piece is helpful!
Keep writing and keep breathing you are amazing!
This is gem climbing back into my jewelry box.
I really enjoyed how you used walls the imagery in my head is brought out
I don't have a whole lot of feedback, but one of my favorite sections was "I don't mind the dark but when I need to see the most I'm the blindest." I really like the slant rhyme, as well as the enjambment, as it sort of draws the lines together. I also like the imagery like I said the use of walls Growing up is a struggle sometimes and teenagerhood is full of mood swings and ups and downs. I also liked how you touched almost every reader,the way we see ourselves is never the way we seem to be or rather the way people see us
it was an easy read You could also look into making the rhyming pattern a little more consistent. You have a few great rhymes throughout, but adding more could help it flow well.
This also seem like a personal poem
Overall, I really liked this poem . Have a nice day
I had no intention of rhyming as every other poem I write, that is a big focus. I wrote that poem in the heat of the moment and posted it. There isn't much more to that. Either way, thank you for the review.
Ok I get you
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This is quite the piece that you have right here. I think you do a pretty good job of presenting a very intriguing short story here that just seems to have a lot more layers to it than what first meets the eye.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy...well, I suppose the concept is pretty clear from the title there...and then we get write into things here. I was expecting this to perhaps be more nostalgic or something along those lines but it seems this is more of a reflection on this person and their life and it doesn't appear that they have had a particularly happy one judging from what's being said here.
Hmm...well this is definitely painting a pretty bad picture for this one here. Its just hinting at all sorts of little problems they seem to have in life and signs that things aren't really going well by any means. Its a pretty dangerous situation here and its adding an extra dark twist to a situation that is not usually to convey such things.
Hmm, I feel like that first bit was somewhat exclusively from the point of view of the actual walls, but here we see a bit of a switch and suddenly it looks more like we're having things from the point of view of the actual person. It does make for a bit of a sudden shift in the tone getting even worse here. Its almost like its now sort of reinforcing the earlier thing and building on it to create a even more depressing situation here.
Okay...now that took a turn, I don't think I fully understand how that shift occurred, but I am liking this slight shift in tone here with things now suddenly starting to sound hopeful, although there is a slight sense of artificialness to this happiness almost as if this is meant to be an act of some sort. Its a very interesting situation there.
Hmm...okay...now it seems almost like these aren't necessarily the physicals walls of this person's actual living space but rather the mental walls that they put up to make themselves appear happier in life than they actually are. That is the general vibe I'm getting here and it makes for quite the twist from what we had in the earlier part. But it does explain this sudden shift towards a positive note.
Well...it ends on quite a chilling sentence there....which I think works very well as a sort of culmination of all the statements that we have had upto this point. Its a pretty interesting little cycle that you have put together here with the potential double meaning as well and I think it makes for a piece that really makes you think.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think you've got a pretty neat piece here. It certainly makes you think quite a bit here, with all the layers of things that appear to be present there and the style you use of just repeated sentences add an odd extra flair to it.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello there,
I would like to say that I have taken the time to respond to you but it has managed to disappear? So, let me try again:
Firstly, you have said "this person and their life..." It is my life, and how I was genuinely feeling at the time I wrote the poem. I have actually lived this life.
Secondly, my life presents many obstacles and I struggle to cope so I resulted to self harming when I was in elementary up until freshman year. Even when the doctors suggested it, I was never offered a healthy way to convey expression. That is why I began writing.
Thirdly, the switch of tone after mentioning my acts of harm is conveying how i wish to be or how others may hold expectations for me. As my friend would describe it, "the feeling of being a semi functional depressed person who smiles when there's someone watching."
Fourth, the walls are meant to represent mental walls or a disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder. I see myself outside of myself.
Lastly, thank you for the review and for taking time out of your day to read and respond. It is quite a wordy poem.
Until next time.
Hi, hello, greeting, salutations, good morning good afternoon and goodnight as well as a very Happy New Year and a joyous welcome to the young writers society community!
I am Wolf and these are my words that I am stringing together to build a little review.
First off, I love your take on the whole "If the walls could talk" business. Normally the way I see it its more of a "if my walls could talk I'd be in so much trouble" but this shows a different perspective. I love how raw and open you are. Its quick and to the point. You benefit by not having much of any type of word play. It conveys a lot of emotion. One thing I would like to touch on is that you have all your lines capitalized even when the previous line was open ended or comma ended. I was wondering if that was for a specific reason or if it was just because of auto caps?
You have got me thinking about what my walls would say if they could speak... but that is besides the point.
I seem to be getting a little long winded so I'll just touch on one more thing before I bid you good day.
I really like how you go through both the positive and more negative things that yuour walls would share if they could speak. It gives this poem a sense of completion and makes it really well rounded.
anyway I enjoyed reading this
keep writing
as always,
Wolf
I appreciate your review so much. It made me feel a sense of connection.
I am open in my poetry because I have nothing to hide. That is because it is poetry. Its up for interpretation so no one ever knows if it is metaphorical or not. The idea is that I believe my walls would say how I truly feel, and then it switches to what I think my walls would say to make me seem like a more desirable person.
I love that you took note of even the caps within the poem. It was intentional because despite it being a run on sentence, it was a different thought each time.
Also, please do share. What would your walls say? I have time and don't mind long responses. It tells me more about you.
Until next time.
hello again! thanks for taking the time to respond! I have to say, I love the way you define poetry.
also Thank you for the explanation on the caps, I understand this a lot better now I think.
Honestly I think if my walls could speak they'd say a lot some of which I didn't even know.
They'd tell the stories of when the room belonged to my father and his three siblings, and them of my cousins.
They'd tell you I laugh the most when talking or texting with my friends and that I smile the most on wensdays. They'd say that I cry while listening to music that isn't sad and that I always do my chemistry homework last, And no doubt they'd tell you that I am secretly obsessed with fire...
Wednesday almost always seems like an up day. It says "You're halfway through, you can make it."
I cry when certain music plays. Is it a yearning? Jealousy? I'll never know. I always only had algebra and chemistry homework. I'd do algebra first then get the answers for chemistry unless the chemistry was do at 4 or 5 because the teacher gave wack turn in times.
As for the fire bit... yes. It has a certain type of beauty. I have written more poems about fire than I can count.
Fire really does have a certain type of beauty. An untouchable beauty you can only get so close to it without getting burned...
It is a very worthy topic for a poem, I myself have written... too many