Published November 27, 2004
They will fight today
They will fight tommarow
All the while
Their expressions full of sorrow
As the enemy nears
but a thousand paces
The soldiers hold their ground
keeping defiant faces
One of the thousand, a leader
stood with a solemn face
As the enemy came hither
pace by pace by pace
For a moment, he closed his eyes
and beheld things from the past
Times of feasting and joy
From the fertile spring of last
Upon re-opening his eyes
he saw to great surprise
One of their men, a draconian
Riding out, alone, unaided
Against the army of the hated
The men looked from one to another
With doubtfullness, uncertainty
Not wanting to help their brother,
Thereby ending their lives for eternity
At that moment the man knew what he had to do
there would be no running askew
He took up his helm
wrought of silver and gold
And roused all the men
to all of them he told:
Our brother is in dire need!
Any of this why do you not heed?
We must go and follow his path
So the enemy will feel our wrath
Thats all i have so far so n e comments and/or critiscism would b appreciated
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,854 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Analysis Results
Overused Words
Overused words
Cliches & Redundancies Report
Cliches
Redundancies
Pacing Report
0 slow pacing paragraphs found
Writing Style Report
No passive verbs found
No hidden verbs found
No adverbs found
No repeated sentence starts found
Passive index (0.0) target up to 25
Pronoun Report
Sentence Length Report 2 issues
Num words (207)
Num characters (849)
Avg Sentence Length (69.0) target 11 to 18
Sentence variety 12.7 target over 3
1 long sentence found
Paragraph Length Report
Grammar Report 9 issues
spelling 9 issues found
Repeat Words & Phrases
Frequent 3 word phrases
Frequent 2 word phrases
Frequent 1 word phrases
Dialogue Tags Report
0 dialogue tags found
Homonym Report
Diction Report
Diction
Vague & Abstract Words Report 7 issues
Vague & Abstract Words (7)
Complex Words Report
4 syllable complex words (5)
Sticky Sentences Report 2 issues
1 sticky sentence found
Glue Index 48.3% target up to 40%
Transitions Report 1 issue
Transition percentage 0% (suggested > 25%)
Alliteration Analysis
1 three word alliteration found
6 two word alliterations found
Consistency Report
Spelling Consistency
Hyphenation Consistency
Capitalisation Consistency
0 curly (smart) double quotes found
0 straight double quotes found
0 curly (smart) single quotes found
0 straight single quotes found
0 ellipsis characters found
0 three-dot ellipses found
1 hyphen found
0 en-dashes found
0 em-dashes found
Corporate Wording Report
No corporate wording found
NLP Predicates Report
There are no NLP predicate words in your text.
House Style Report
No house style issues found
Eloquence
No epistrophe found
Potential hendiadys found
No hendiadys found
No alliterative adjectives found
For the errors, please correct your spelling of tomorrow in the second line. The rest is fine but the line "Upon re-opening his eyes," I think you should remove the re and change it to "Upon opening his eyes." This is just a suggestion though, don't take it negatively.
This is good. But I believe tomorrow is spelled incorrectly in the first stanza, second line. This has a very interesing feeling to it. Your vocabulary is good. The flow is a little strange but that can be fixed. Other then that, I think this poem is very well done. Keep writing!
i got a Q 4 u if u dont mind...
what is a draconian?!?
i think maybe u shud try readin ur poem
aloud 2 c which lines shud maybe be a bit
longer or a bit shorter, just 2 keep the
rythym goin...
does that help?
thanks alot
"pace by pace by pace " should have just been "pace by pace"
tomorrow was spelled wrong.
"Upon re-opening his eyes
he saw to great surprise
One of their men, a draconian
Riding out, alone, unaided
Against the army of the hated "
was kinda awkward...but everything else was good--i liked the idea alot and the first stanza was pretty cool!