They will fight today
They will fight tommarow
All the while
Their expressions full of sorrow
As the enemy nears
but a thousand paces
The soldiers hold their ground
keeping defiant faces
One of the thousand, a leader
stood with a solemn face
As the enemy came hither
pace by pace by pace
For a moment, he closed his eyes
and beheld things from the past
Times of feasting and joy
From the fertile spring of last
Upon re-opening his eyes
he saw to great surprise
One of their men, a draconian
Riding out, alone, unaided
Against the army of the hated
The men looked from one to another
With doubtfullness, uncertainty
Not wanting to help their brother,
Thereby ending their lives for eternity
At that moment the man knew what he had to do
there would be no running askew
He took up his helm
wrought of silver and gold
And roused all the men
to all of them he told:
Our brother is in dire need!
Any of this why do you not heed?
We must go and follow his path
So the enemy will feel our wrath
Thats all i have so far so n e comments and/or critiscism would b appreciated
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
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For the errors, please correct your spelling of tomorrow in the second line. The rest is fine but the line "Upon re-opening his eyes," I think you should remove the re and change it to "Upon opening his eyes." This is just a suggestion though, don't take it negatively.
This is good. But I believe tomorrow is spelled incorrectly in the first stanza, second line. This has a very interesing feeling to it. Your vocabulary is good. The flow is a little strange but that can be fixed. Other then that, I think this poem is very well done. Keep writing!
i got a Q 4 u if u dont mind...
what is a draconian?!?
i think maybe u shud try readin ur poem
aloud 2 c which lines shud maybe be a bit
longer or a bit shorter, just 2 keep the
rythym goin...
does that help?
thanks alot
"pace by pace by pace " should have just been "pace by pace"
tomorrow was spelled wrong.
"Upon re-opening his eyes
he saw to great surprise
One of their men, a draconian
Riding out, alone, unaided
Against the army of the hated "
was kinda awkward...but everything else was good--i liked the idea alot and the first stanza was pretty cool!