I am trapped and alone
I wonder how freedom feels
I hear the mockingbird repeating my cries
I see the clouds in the open sky
I want to escape these bars of steel
I am trapped and alone
I pretend to soar through the air
I feel the wind lifting me higher
I touch my feathered wings of wire
I worry I will fall but don’t seem to care
I cry in my cage as my dreams start to die
I am trapped and alone
I understand it can’t last forever
I say it will be okay
I dream the pain will end some day
I try to patch my dreams back together
I hope that I will fly
I am trapped and alone
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi, NBA! (Short for your username ^.^)
I really enjoyed your poem. It was very...wordy. And inspiring.
I feel like you really captured the idea of your concept. It just spoke out, as if saying what you were doing, why, and how. I really think it's just amazing how some people can do that.
I don't have any critiques, but I do feel like this would sound even MORE appealing than it already is if you added rhythm to it, you know?
Either way, this poem is absolutely, awe inspiringly perfect.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, NBA!
Waiting to see more from you!
~Shiny
I am glad you like it ^^
I am working on getting my points so I can post more in the future.
Thank you!
So am I! I'm already at 1008, in two days!
Oh, and you're welcome!
Hi NoonBlueApple!
I like your writing style because it sounds lyrical and that makes it neat and easy to read. But there's a specific line that really seems to be out of place in your piece, and that is "I cry in my cage as my dreams start to die". The first time I read, I instantly thought of an alternative to fix the flow and keep reading; I changed ot to "I cry in my cage as my dreams start to decay" because I thought it was distracting. So I think you should work on that one line. But that's pretty much it.
On a second note, I'd tell you to watch out for your titles. Tittles are the first impression of any piece and they can tell you a lot about it. When I first saw yours, "I am", I thought that this would be a motivational/emotional poem about who the writer is. So if you want to cause an accurate good impression, I'd tell you to work on the title too.
And that's all I've got to say!
Your friendly neighbor,
GeeLyria
Thank you! I like your suggestion a lot actually and I titles are not my forte at all. I have been trying to work on them but they still prove difficult.
I like this work. I like how you said, "I hear the mockingbird repeating my cries". This poem is put together very well. I can also relate to it and I'm sure there are a lot of other people out there that can also relate. Even if someone doesn't always feel trapped and alone, even in the smallest situations, I'm pretty sure everyone experiences feeling "trapped and alone". Nice job!
Keep up the good work!
Thank you!
I like this work. I like how you said, "I hear the mockingbird repeating my cries". This poem is put together very well. I can also relate to it and I'm sure there are a lot of other people out there that can also relate. Even if someone doesn't always feel trapped and alone, even in the smallest situations, I'm pretty sure everyone experiences feeling "trapped and alone". Nice job!
Keep up the good work!
I like this work. I like how you said, "I hear the mockingbird repeating my cries". This poem is put together very well. I can also relate to it and I'm sure there are a lot of other people out there that can also relate. Even if someone doesn't always feel trapped and alone, even in the smallest situations, I'm pretty sure everyone experiences feeling "trapped and alone". Nice job!
Keep up the good work!