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Gay Short Story

by Noobwriter88

                                                                  Short story

Hi! My name is Cody. And I've got one problem. Im in love with my best friend. Who is also male. And straight. Oops. We’ve known each other for a while now and I’ve developed a crush on him. Over time, I realized I love him. He’s the only one who’s been there for me. Not even my parents were there for me. Anyway, im in class right now, blanking out thinking about him. His name is Adrian. I honestly don’t know why he hangs out with a loser like me but im so grateful. “Mr.Pellot, please leave, class is over.” I look up and see no one there. I blush and walk out. Its the end of the day. I look around for Adrian and can’t find him. I go to my locker and see a note. It read ‘meet me at the park at 4:45.’Its 4:30. I run out of the school towards the park. I wonder if its important. I arrive a minute before and can’t find him. Thats when i notice our classmates lined up. In a path? I follow the path they made and find a note. ‘Look up’ I look up. I almost cry. Adrian is there, holding flowers and chocolate. “Cody Pellot, will you go out with me?” I blush. This can’t be happening. I run up to him and hug him and cry. “Of course Adrian Redd, of course.” We eat the chocolate by the river near the park and watch the sunset. We look at each other and he leans in. I close the gap and we kiss. This is the best day ever.        

-Hi! This is my first short story on here! What do you think? Should i write a full story on this? Please, let me know your full opinion! Have a lovely day loves! XoXo 

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19 Reviews

Points: 337
Reviews: 19

Thu Oct 17, 2019 3:14 pm
EmileeBrightman wrote a review...

I'd just liked to say that this was amazing! The way you came up with everything was awesome. I really enjoyed reading this a lot! Although it was a shorter story, it definitely got my attention. I hung onto it the whole time I was reading, and my eyes never drifted off my computer screen. The details that you added as well worked perfectly into the story, and kept the story going smoothly. I love all the fluff of it! I'm a part of the LGBT+ community, so when I saw the title, I was like, "YASSSS!" xD I wish this scenario would happen in real life for me lol.

As I said before, this was great, and I enjoyed reading it very much. I hope that you continue to write more, because I know that I'll enjoy your other works just as much as I did this one. Keep up the awesome work, and have a great day!!! :D

User avatar

Points: 49
Reviews: 4

Sat Apr 27, 2019 10:44 pm
NaomiPeppurrcorn wrote a review...

Hey Noobwriter88,

honestly, you had me at "Gay Short Story" xD since i am part of LGBT Community myself, I love to read stories that have characters like that. I just wish there was a bit more presentation. Which is why I am glad that i have stumbled across your short story today.

The story itself is absolutely adorable! Such a cute love-story. I would love to read the full-story version, when you write it :)

I think you are really good at imagining the scenery and the emotions of your characters as you write. I think the only problem is to get from one scene to another and describe it more closely and with more adjectives to make it seem more vivid. Maybe it would be easier to imagine the different scenes that way. Also, it might be better for the parts like the kiss (So romantic 10/10!) to work if there was a bit of a break before. You know, like a bit of a build up. Otherwise it might seem a bit rushed.

All in all though, I absolutely adore your story. And please keep writing!

Much love,

Noobwriter88 says...

Thank you so much! I'll take your words to heart! And there will be a full story, sometime in the future!

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19 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 19

Tue Apr 16, 2019 9:07 pm
itsCate wrote a review...

Hellloooooo, Cate is here for a review.

So for start this was so cute, I fell in love with it. I think I love Adrian too, but I believe he belongs to Cody. Anyway there are a few things wrong with punctuation, but it's OK. It's an easy fix. SO first of all, your sentences are very short in the beginning and in the end. Maybe make them longer, or join them together.

Also, I know this is a short story but it moved really fast for me even as a short story. And in the beginning you said that Adrian was 'straight', I had to imagine that Adrian explained to Cody that he liked him.

Overall this was an adorable story and I really enjoyed it. I would love to see it as a full book with a ton of detail.

Keep Writing!


Noobwriter88 says...

Thank you! I totally will!

itsCate says...

Oh my gosh. I had to go through and edit what I said. Ughh lol I messed up on so many things lol.
Sorry about that.

User avatar
27 Reviews

Points: 257
Reviews: 27

Tue Mar 12, 2019 12:29 am
Morgan wrote a review...

Wow! Okay!!! one this a true story? I mean, how did you get the idea to write something like this cuz......IT WAS SO SWEET!!!!

I have never read something from the perspective of someone who was gay. not trying to be rude, but I’m just saying. I have so many friends and I know a few who are gay. They’re actually really nice people and I love hanging around them. I’m just saying that I have never read soemthing like yeah. I think you should write a full story on this.

My suggestions are not that huge of a deal, but something that would help with your writing. Maybe try and improve your punctuation and grammar and that would be pretty much it. I think you did excellent here and this is deffinetely a unique piece of work. Good job and happy writings.


Noobwriter88 says...

Thank you! And unfortunately its not, not that i know of lol

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68 Reviews

Points: 186
Reviews: 68

Mon Mar 11, 2019 7:23 pm
Anamel wrote a review...

Hey, here to possibly help with grammar and maybe some other stuff. Your story has potential and it is a quick read but it could be even better with more detail. What does the sunset look like? What does his best friend crush look like(hair, eyes, height)? What was the kiss like? Was it passionate/soft?

"Hi! My name is Cody. And i have got one problem."

Make sure to capitalize your I's. And I think that this sentence could flow better if you just said "And I've got one problem" instead of have got one.

"Im in love with my best friend. Who is also male."
I'm instead of Im

"Anyway, im in class right now, blanking out thinking about him."
You could do a bit more showing than telling here, for example: The drone of the teacher's words was like white noise compared to my dreamy thoughts. It would make more sense if this was a diary entry instead so that as much detail wouldn't be necessary but it's always a nice touch.

“Mr.Pellot, please leave, class is over.”
What does the teacher look like here? Does he have a stern look on his face? Has the bell has rung? Here's an example of how you could incorporate detail:
I hadn't even recognized the clatter of desks moving and shoes shuffling until (teacher's name) voice sliced through my mind. "Mr. Pellot, please leave. Class is over." His stern look made me jump to attention. "O-of course, sorry." Clumsily and quickly I gathered my things and rushed out of the door, my heart leaping.

"I go to my locker and see a note. It read ‘meet me at the park at 4:45.’Its 4:30."
Is the note on a scrunched up piece of paper, or a sticky note or something else? What's his handwriting look like? Here's an example:
A scrunched up piece of paper attached to my locker caught my attention immediately. Who could've put this on here? I walked over, holding the edges as my eyes ate up the neat words. It read: Meet me at the park at 4:45. I stood there for a second, my mind blanking. I was a bit nervous yet excited. I had to get to the bottom of who wrote this. I look across the hall, my eyes focusing on a clock. It's only 4:30.

"Thats when i notice our classmates lined up."
Should be: That's when I notice our classmates lined up.

"I follow the path they made and find a note. ‘Look up’ I look up. "

Is the note on the ground or something or is attached to something on the ground? Also instead of just saying I look up after it says to look up maybe make it more detailed like: Hesitantly my eyes slowly look up, holding the air in my chest.

"This is the best day ever."
It's perfectly fine to say this but maybe add in more emotion so we can kinda experience it ourselves like this: A hundred emotions surged through my body at once, making my heart flutter and my eyes sparkle. It sounded so silly but I felt amazing. This is the best day ever.

Anyways I think your story is good and you don't have to change it if the way you intended it to be is just simple, short and sweet.

Noobwriter88 says...

Thank you fir the advise, i really appreciate it! Ill try to write a full on story to this once i can access my computer! Thank you again!

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58 Reviews

Points: 15
Reviews: 58

Mon Mar 11, 2019 8:53 am
RavenBlack wrote a review...

Hi @Noobwriter88 , Rav3nB1ack here!

This was a sweet short story! I couldn't help but smile when Adrian asked Cody out! I was so worried that the note he left in Cody's locker was foreshadowing to something bad occurring but thankfully it was just to surprise him so he wouldn't expect anything. I love happy endings!

I think despite this being a short story it could work as a full story. You could explore Cody's struggles with his feelings for Adrian, or maybe even tell it from Adrian's point of view. Are their parents okay with them being gay? Do they grow up in a strict, religious society?

There are so many things that you can explore with these two characters and the world they live in. I think that would be fun to do! :)

The only issues I have with your short story is a few grammar mistakes. You forgot to make the 'I' in the first sentence be in capital letters and the dialogue should be on a separate line when a new character is speaking. Though it doesn't really take away from the story but I thought I'd point them out for you.

Other than that, this was a great light read.

Keep Writing!

Noobwriter88 says...

Thank you! I appreciate the review!

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
— Mark Twain