Hey there, Noldor! Just a couple of quick suggestions.
I really don't understand school.
I'd make this past tense because the rest of the poem is in the perfect past. So it'd be, "I really didn't understand school". I'd also put a comma after this because it seems to make more sense than a full stop. Or go for a 3/4 stop with a hyphen, like "I really don't understand school -", etc. Just make sure it's easy on the eyes. You can also, alternatively, add an "and", like "I really didn't understand school, and / I didn't care much 'cause I'm cool."
I didn't care much 'cause I'm cool
I think this would flow better as "I didn't care much - I thought I was cool". Alternatively, replacing the hyphen with ellipses would be okay, too. You could also say "I didn't care much 'cause I thought I was cool". That makes more sense flow-wise and content-wise.
And then came exams
And we all had to cram;
I actually like this line. It's quite jaunty and the rhyme works. However, just for my nitpicky sake, I'd change the second "and" to "when", and remove the first "and" altogether. This will improve the rhyme aspect of it, I think.
It turned out I was the fool!
Excellent job. I'd add an "and" before this, and I think we'd be done! Oh, wait. Replace the "the" with "a", because "the" implies that you're the fool and someone else isn't, but you haven't mentioned who the someone else is.
Let's review our revised version, quickly:
"I really didn't understand school, and
I didn't care much, 'cause I thought I was cool.
Then came exams, when we all had to cram,
and it turned out I was a fool!"
It's a nice rhyme, and it seems like something a teacher would put on their wall. If you're still in school, I think your professor might find it interesting!
IronSpark
Nice work
Points: 15167
Reviews: 175
Donate