The K bridge looked splendid from the tower, the destructive ants herding the laborious living imposed on us. Blind goats climbing the mountain with dreams of seeing the sun, only to be pushed off and fall to the precipice by what they call fate. I will see, from my spot, controlling the light they receive, that destiny does not exist. Believing their lives have been written in sacred books, every decision already made; yet with free will to decide what to eat.
Idiots, my coworkers agree. Nothing will have to do, if He’s really over us, what will It care about our blood? A flawed and acid race, raining blood and debris. Unjustly imprisons the fellow disciple, judges and criticizes, a damaged species. Charged with hellish hatred and Hellenic wrath that has left us without salvation. The few good ones killed in the street or living repressed in poverty, and even without the ability to exist. While the others celebrate, they killed the one who cared for his neighbor and the corrupt one wins! All because one has dropped banknote, just as their own have dropped dead.
Don't they have enough planet to inhabit? Full of beauty, flora and fauna that any other exo-earth would envy. A continent full of beautiful architecture, another with all the biomes. One so big and full of diversity, one room with magnificent savannas and deserts. It's destroyed! We were pleasantly surprised. In search of the material, to fill that emptiness created by themselves. They know that the lie is there, instead of solving it, they form a hollow in their lives. Expanding it with their greed and materialism, no matter how much they buy and have, they always crave for more. Deplorable beings, weeping for the honey chaos they will bring.
The end will come and a new species will inhabit, they will do better; some believe. Others await days of judgment in which the gods will judge them. Are they so gullible? They look for superior beings to try to purify their sins, to excuse their primitive errors. Just as from mud and corn they sprang, there they will die at the left hand. Raise the dagger and cut one's own flesh in search of relief, so shall the live to the end of their days.
From my plot of land I watch their destruction with perverse joy, to discover the truth and let themselves fall is a thing of few. So useless and hypocritical they will not, and I can enjoy my seat in peace. Die, accursed carrion.
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - A person watches people live their lives believing in something that is greater than them (and also always craving more) and thinks them foolish for doing so.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I don’t have any recommendations as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you described that judgement the narrator has over the people they are watching over, it shows that they may think the people are wrong for believing in higher beings, but there is also something about the narrator that makes me feel like they are not entirely perfect and might be hiding some things.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a good story on watching people fall to their own horrors but not seeing your own. I’ve enjoyed reading this and thought that this was very suspenseful and holding a bit of dark humor. I now wish you…
A fantastical day/night! ^v^
Hey there! I’m here to leave you a review for this frankly haunting piece you’ve got here.
First of all, a belated welcome to YWS! I hope you’re enjoying it here so far.
I can’t tell if this is supposed to be an allegorical piece, but I really hope it is, because the dreading tone and symbolism would be PERFECT for one. Either way, it’s super well written with so many poetic lines that I love.
From my interpretation, this could be about blind faith in religion or a God. The narrator is looking down on people who believe in an afterlife waiting for them.
And if that is your intention, you’ve captured it perfectly. The narrator’s observations on the land around them, condemning those who ask for more, are quite cynical--it makes me think of the narrator as unreliable, but I am still curious about their views.
I will say, I wish the symbolism from the beginning could have been tied up in the end, bringing the whole piece together as a cohesive story. Bringing the goats or the bridge back would have added a layer of depth.
I adore the last line--it gives me shivers!!
However, I will say that your tone and voice are impeccable. I really enjoyed reading this!!
Keep writing!
<3, chem