There is a girl
Her face Grey, but Bright
Though not Perfect
People always stare
She has many personalities
One Light
One Dark
One in-between
One with a sliver of Light
One with a sliver of Dark
Even though she might not be seen
She is always there
Her Name Is
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139,289 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hey NoStoryTime!
This poem was great! But there is something you could change.
I think that you need to elaborate more here. It is somewhat confusing. Other wise this was a great poem. I really want to know her name now. I like how you ended with:
I thought it was a great ending to this particular poem, you really are leaving us to guess her name. Overall you did a magnificent job! Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Hi!
I like your poem NoStoryTime!
However, I feel that there are some things we could make better so let's get started!
First off, I'm not sure that "There is a girl" isn't very interesting so what if, instead, you said something like, "There once was a girl"
Secondly, "Her face grey, but bright"
This sentence is rather confusing because people's faces aren't really gray. Maybe pick another adjective for that.
Third, "Overall she is not perfect"
Overall doesn't sound like the best grammar so what if we used 'Although'? Just an idea.
I really like you poem! Keep on writing!
Ah this is a nice little poem, though I wonder if you shouldn't give us the answer at the end. I expect it's moon but I don't think anything would be spoiled by you telling those who haven't got there yet.
I feel like this line doesn't actually tell us anything about the 'girl' and it's there just as a filler and a lead into the next line. Instead of having something quite so vague, maybe try something like: 'Up close she has craters/ But from a distance she is beautiful/ And people always stare'.Specifics
1.
2. I like the subtle rhymes in this and that they don't follow straight on from one another. In-between and seen come at a particularly nice moment.
Overall
This is a short and cute poem and it works well as it is but I'd love to see a longer version written with more detailed descriptions and more analogies between the moon and a living person. For example, you could describe her weight as fluctuating or that some days she eats a lot but then she gets fat and for a while, she'll try to eat less again but always she loses the battle.
All the best,
~Heather
Hello, NoStoryTime!!!
This is Eros here review your mysterious poem!!
Hmm... So the title is really attractive. The theme is quite mysterious.
I guess, her name is either moon or night. I think that it is moon. Because moon has many personalities. And she is not seen in the day, but she is there. I am curious to know her name. It is really hard to guess. And I liked the way you described her. I liked this.
GREAT work, overall.
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works like this one.
Have a great day/ night!