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Bhola Rescued

by NissanKar


BHOLA RESCUED

The weather had suddenly flipped its coin, for it started raining that night, raining hard. Good God! I had an umbrella in my canvas bag. But it’s a tough for an umbrella to keep its owner dry from that sort of pouring. In my hurry to get into the house, I didn’t notice the black car parked across 98/6 Harinath Pal Road. It’s a rare case for a car, high-end like this, to make its way in a less walked upon road in Belghoria. I realized something was wrong. I was hesitant at first but I intended towards discovering whose it was. I don’t know why I was sensing danger yet my footsteps neared the car until I faced the shielded window of the driver’s seat. I tried to peek inside, my breath created a frosted area on the glass, which informed the man inside about me. But the passenger seat’s door opened and a muscular broad man came to me and got me by my hands, tied my mouth with a handkerchief, giving me no scope to scream as he threw me inside the car, closed the door and the driver revved up the engine and drove off.

I felt helpless, my force and strength was nothing in compared to the giant man. I knew not to cry or to stay strong as my eyebags got filled with tears waiting to flow out. The bright surroundings started to get dimmer and dimmer, as I found myself in front of a huge warehouse in the outskirts of the town.

Being held by the powerful hands of the muscular man, I squeaked, “Ouch! It hurts.” Just a stern look of his red eyes was enough to shut me off and get firm on the thought of no one is going to save me. The driver who was wearing a denim jacket and a face mask (not for safety purposes) opened an almost 15-foot tall metal door. We headed into the darkness. Whether I was imagining or was it true, it felt as if we were walking for an eternal period of time. I could hear some sounds of clicking buttons and footsteps. The sound was gradually gaining its pitch. We slid open another metal door and I saw almost 10-15 doctors working in a huge laboratory consisting of machines hardly I knew about. The driver said, “Hello folks, we’ve got our tenth guinea pig.” Everybody cheered and shouted, “HAIL HAMID!!”

30 eyes looked at me, never have I ever got such attention in my 32 years of life, making me both uncomfortable and scared. I was pulled into a cage with other nine people, all looked starving for days. I was an odd one out because my tongue still had the taste of my favorite ‘Maacher Jhol’ (Fish Curry) and ‘Bhaat’ (Rice). One-by-one, two people were snatched from the cage, after few minutes, I heard their screams infiltrating my ears. My turn came, I tried to resist the pull but it went in vain. That giant man tied me to a metal bed, fastening with belts. My tears were a waste of H2O in my body. I could sense my death knocking on the door. My eyes shifted to the left corner of the room, “Oh no!” these words came involuntarily from my mouth, seeing the two black and reddish dead bodies of those two people, all the veins were visible, their eyes had gone whole white with blood not red but black making its way out of their bodies. I was praying hard to God, but Hamid said laughing cunningly, “Nobody’s going to save you, you’ll turn into a walking dead person or what you call a Zombie. It depends whether your body will permit or else you’ll become like them.”

“A Zombie?! I thought of spending my life doing my 9-to-5 job and with my plants and my beloved Suku in my 2BHK Flat, but my fate wants me to wander about in search of human blood!” I thought and cried. The doctors attached tubes to my veins, “Ahh!!”I screamed in pain. They entered some data and one doctor said, “Zombie Apocalypse test 3, go!”, and was going to push the red button when a bullet fired from distance went swift into his head. He fell thrashing to the floor.

“What was that? Oh God!” Hamid was surprised, he took out a gun as the doctors were all falling like pins in bowling. “Spot them they are the RAW.”

Some 5-6 people came down the roof hanging firing bullets. “Ahh…ah…ahhh” groaned Hamid, a bullet had penetrated his hand and his gun fell down. When the RAW team was looking triumphant, from nowhere the giant man came running and thrashed off an agent. Although he looked muscular and strong but one bullet in his leg was enough to lay him down. There were 15 dead bodies and two injured – Hamid and Bakshat (the giant man).

At last someone thought of me and untied me. I thanked him a lot, crying in joy. He said, “Now you are safe Bhola, uhh-umm-I-I mean, umm…Mister. You will be taken home safely and he retreated quickly. Wait a second! Did he call me ‘Bhola’, that’s what my uncle calls me, is he?... “Come here sir.” Suddenly a voice interrupted me, one agent took me out and sat me in a car. I saw the other seven people being taken to their respective homes. I felt happy.

At last, I was in front of Flat No. 6. As soon as I opened the door, it was my cat Suku who greeted me.

Next day, I called my uncle and asked, “Do you work in RAW?” and narrated yesterday’s events. He said laughing, “Ha Ha Ha, you look innocents that’s why everybody calls you ‘Bhola’.”

“But only you call me Bhola and no other single person does. And you say why a stranger will be calling me Bhola.”

“Oh really? Maybe. That I don’t know. But I work in Post Office, Bhola.”

                                                                                                                                          — Nissan Kar


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113 Reviews

Points: 9356
Reviews: 113

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Sat Jun 08, 2024 7:52 pm
Ley wrote a review...



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Hello fellow writer! Ley here to write a tortoise-y review on this amazing work you've published! This is a new review style that I'm using only for the month of June, in spirit of the Great Tortoise Race! Let's get started, 'shell' we? xD

Shell Start: Wow, this was a super suspenseful story! You encapsulated themes of tension and helplessness, rescue, and relief! Lets get into the details a bit below!

Favorite Leaf:
The story went by pretty fast, so I'll start my favorite parts at the climax of the story.

I was praying hard to God, but Hamid said laughing cunningly, “Nobody’s going to save you, you’ll turn into a walking dead person or what you call a Zombie. It depends whether your body will permit or else you’ll become like them.”


This was one my favorite quotes because it really highlights character development and the stakes that are in hand here. I also loved how you added a sense of mysteriousness to this piece, figuring out who is uncle really is. But, also, the plot itself was great. The whole idea, the main character is abducted by a muscular man and was driven to a remote warehouse. Inside, they found a secret laboratory where they are referred to as the "tenth guinea pig" for a horrific experiment aimed at creating zombies. This seems like a classic horror story, and I love the idea of a zombie driven plot as I'm a fan of The Walking Dead as well xD.

Shell Fractures:
As I mentioned before, the plot went by very fast. I wish we could've gotten a bit more information on the background of this story-- as I feel the whole thing read out a bit rushed. It jumps quickly from one event to another, which can be disorienting to some readers. Instead of stating emotions or actions, show them through detailed descriptions. For example, describe the main character's physical reactions to what happened when they got abducted. This would add even more suspense to an even greater story! <3

Overall: This was a fun, short read! I was intrigued the whole time, and some parts left me wondering what even happens next. I hope to read more of your work in the future!

Thank you for taking the time to read this review! I hope to see you join the race, and keep being awesome! Happy Writing~

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4232 Reviews

Points: 291500
Reviews: 4232

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Thu May 02, 2024 6:36 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is quite the little tale we've got here. Its got some nice horror, great tension, plenty of lovely action and just about enough humor sprinkled in there too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The weather had suddenly flipped its coin, for it started raining that night, raining hard. Good God! I had an umbrella in my canvas bag. But it’s a tough for an umbrella to keep its owner dry from that sort of pouring. In my hurry to get into the house, I didn’t notice the black car parked across 98/6 Harinath Pal Road. It’s a rare case for a car, high-end like this, to make its way in a less walked upon road in Belghoria. I realized something was wrong. I was hesitant at first but I intended towards discovering whose it was. I don’t know why I was sensing danger yet my footsteps neared the car until I faced the shielded window of the driver’s seat. I tried to peek inside, my breath created a frosted area on the glass, which informed the man inside about me. But the passenger seat’s door opened and a muscular broad man came to me and got me by my hands, tied my mouth with a handkerchief, giving me no scope to scream as he threw me inside the car, closed the door and the driver revved up the engine and drove off.


Oh dear will this is quite the start. I really love the way that you set the scene. Its very well done really capturing a beautiful moment but at the same time brimming with plenty of tension and anticipation of what's to come here. I think it works very well to lead into that big moment there which kicks this off really well here.

I felt helpless, my force and strength was nothing in compared to the giant man. I knew not to cry or to stay strong as my eyebags got filled with tears waiting to flow out. The bright surroundings started to get dimmer and dimmer, as I found myself in front of a huge warehouse in the outskirts of the town.

Being held by the powerful hands of the muscular man, I squeaked, “Ouch! It hurts.” Just a stern look of his red eyes was enough to shut me off and get firm on the thought of no one is going to save me. The driver who was wearing a denim jacket and a face mask (not for safety purposes) opened an almost 15-foot tall metal door. We headed into the darkness. Whether I was imagining or was it true, it felt as if we were walking for an eternal period of time. I could hear some sounds of clicking buttons and footsteps. The sound was gradually gaining its pitch. We slid open another metal door and I saw almost 10-15 doctors working in a huge laboratory consisting of machines hardly I knew about. The driver said, “Hello folks, we’ve got our tenth guinea pig.” Everybody cheered and shouted, “HAIL HAMID!!”


Oh my well this is quite the setup. This is quite the struggle that we've got going on here. You can really feel the terror that is being applied there. I think you sell it quite well and then this mysterious entrance there really makes for quite a powerful moment again.

30 eyes looked at me, never have I ever got such attention in my 32 years of life, making me both uncomfortable and scared. I was pulled into a cage with other nine people, all looked starving for days. I was an odd one out because my tongue still had the taste of my favorite ‘Maacher Jhol’ (Fish Curry) and ‘Bhaat’ (Rice). One-by-one, two people were snatched from the cage, after few minutes, I heard their screams infiltrating my ears. My turn came, I tried to resist the pull but it went in vain. That giant man tied me to a metal bed, fastening with belts. My tears were a waste of H2O in my body. I could sense my death knocking on the door. My eyes shifted to the left corner of the room, “Oh no!” these words came involuntarily from my mouth, seeing the two black and reddish dead bodies of those two people, all the veins were visible, their eyes had gone whole white with blood not red but black making its way out of their bodies. I was praying hard to God, but Hamid said laughing cunningly, “Nobody’s going to save you, you’ll turn into a walking dead person or what you call a Zombie. It depends whether your body will permit or else you’ll become like them.”


Oh my. Well this is quite a horrible fate that's set to befall these people right theree. Wow I was expecting something a little bit more normal but we're going right in with full tilt horror and things are hitting quite hard. Loving this so far.

“A Zombie?! I thought of spending my life doing my 9-to-5 job and with my plants and my beloved Suku in my 2BHK Flat, but my fate wants me to wander about in search of human blood!” I thought and cried. The doctors attached tubes to my veins, “Ahh!!”I screamed in pain. They entered some data and one doctor said, “Zombie Apocalypse test 3, go!”, and was going to push the red button when a bullet fired from distance went swift into his head. He fell thrashing to the floor.

“What was that? Oh God!” Hamid was surprised, he took out a gun as the doctors were all falling like pins in bowling. “Spot them they are the RAW.”


Oooh it appears we've got ourselves a bit of a rescue mission immediately underway here or rather just about in the nick of time. Let's see how this is going to develop here. Things are actually looking quite interestingly poised at the moment.

Some 5-6 people came down the roof hanging firing bullets. “Ahh…ah…ahhh” groaned Hamid, a bullet had penetrated his hand and his gun fell down. When the RAW team was looking triumphant, from nowhere the giant man came running and thrashed off an agent. Although he looked muscular and strong but one bullet in his leg was enough to lay him down. There were 15 dead bodies and two injured – Hamid and Bakshat (the giant man).

At last someone thought of me and untied me. I thanked him a lot, crying in joy. He said, “Now you are safe Bhola, uhh-umm-I-I mean, umm…Mister. You will be taken home safely and he retreated quickly. Wait a second! Did he call me ‘Bhola’, that’s what my uncle calls me, is he?... “Come here sir.” Suddenly a voice interrupted me, one agent took me out and sat me in a car. I saw the other seven people being taken to their respective homes. I felt happy.


OOooh this is a lovely little tangent there tying in nicely to the title as well. I think its a lovely moment to include here and this whole little raid has been written quite well I'd say, a touch fast paced but it works due to being in a shorter story.

At last, I was in front of Flat No. 6. As soon as I opened the door, it was my cat Suku who greeted me.

Next day, I called my uncle and asked, “Do you work in RAW?” and narrated yesterday’s events. He said laughing, “Ha Ha Ha, you look innocents that’s why everybody calls you ‘Bhola’.”

“But only you call me Bhola and no other single person does. And you say why a stranger will be calling me Bhola.”

“Oh really? Maybe. That I don’t know. But I work in Post Office, Bhola.”


Well this is quite a lovely little sign off here with just a cute conversation. I honestly think it ties up this little story really quite nicely here. Just a little note to have a smile at after all of that horror that took place.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've done a great job here. For a short story it paces itself quite decently if maybe a little to the faster side but I think it doesn't affect the overall piece too terribly much. The little details with Bhola were also really fun additions.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate





Too often we crave the extraordinary in life, without even learning how to cherish the ordinary first. Friend, I promise you this: if you can learn to take joy in the simple mundane things in life, the extraordinary will take care of itself, it'll be on its way, hurrying towards you. But if you skip the first part, it'll ever evade you.
— Arcticus