Here I am, standing on the podium. I’m in the first place, wondering what an
accomplishment means. Maybe it gives you a few seconds of joy, maybe a few seconds
of tears. What a moment, I think, To win something, to claim victory. To be a winner is to beat
everyone else, to be triumphant, to be a champion.
Life is a roller coaster going up and down and left to right. This is a memorable and
happy moment.
Here I am, sitting on a bench at the park with my legs crossed. And
mind wide open thinking: your life is given with a single personality. You only get one
chance.. Take the risk to be who you are, to do what you do best. What a fifth-place I got
at the competition, but a single competition won’t change a thing about me except for
my emotions. It’s a time to be optimistic, to think “I will get stronger and smarter.”
Thinking, What a chance I have to have perfect eyes, perfect legs, perfect arms, perfect
face. Many people don’t get this chance. Always remember that we are blessed to have
the chance to embrace life with each step we take. Never abuse that chance; always
think there is no end till my soul and thoughts vanish into the darkness. There is no end
if you have the worst grades, worst jobs, worst shelter. Instead, remember that there is
always a tomorrow.
Life is a roller coaster going down to up, right to left. This is memorable and an unique
moment.
Here I am, lying on my bed, face bulged into my tear-stained pillow. All because I came
eleventh in a competition. I see my father to my side, claiming that things like this
happen, and it’s not the end of the world. Right now, my mind is a maze and I may never
find my way out. But with the power of the soul, one shall pass any wall, any obstacle,
and any moment. It’s just a matter of time until my weeping ends. It's just a matter of
time until the clock ticks to midnight and the day shifts. It’s all just a matter of time until
I finish this sadness. There is always a chance to be better.
Life is a roller coaster going left to right, up to down. This is memorable and an inspiring
moment.
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Hi NirvanisKing,
Mailice here with a short review!
This was an interesting story, if you can call it that. I see it more as a motivational speech you gave here to give the reader some optimism and realism. I liked the way you went about it and tried to back it up with your own examples and also put in things like there is always tomorrow or even if you lose you can still win.
However, I also found that your text read a bit unstructured, especially because there were no real sections and the transitions were not complete for the reader. I think you could try to get behind that a bit more and expand on it accordingly to make these points clearer. Because you sometimes jump from A to B and back, and you always come back to your guiding principle: "Life is a rollercoaster."
Otherwise, I found it a nice change to read such a story here, which I'm sure is good for the reader to delve into.
Other points that stood out to me:
Just a quick note here that the "To" is lower case. But I like your way here, which you describe, of showing off an idea rather than going directly to a specific victory.
Here I really like how you take a loss and relate it to a person's feelings and attitude. I think you've done a wonderful job of showing that a loss doesn't change your character, it just changes your emotions. Since the text is supposed to be more uplifting, I assume you are giving a hint here that one should learn from defeat and thereby motivate oneself to become better.
I liked your story. There was something very positive about it.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
Hey there, Nirvan!
I'll begin by saying that I like the structure you followed. It looked like a poem at first, but this actually suits what you've written; it grants the piece a poetic quality without taking away its story telling ability. I like the topic you've perused, although, well, I've never been particularly competitive, so I couldn't entirely relate. I've been at the bottom of my class sometimes and never let it affect me. I do feel bad if it's in a subject or activity I really like, but I've never felt that terrible about it.
However, I appreciate the message you're putting out; life isn't all highs. While our reasons for feeling low may differ, this poem offers and nurtures hope, which I can admire and commend.
The grammar in this sentence feels a little off. If this was a poem it wouldn't be as much of an issue, but it isn't.
I don't get what you're saying; is it that getting fifth place won't change anything about you other than your emotions?
Now this I disagree with. While I agree that looking forward is important, having a terrible job or being from a very poor family does not magically go away. People fight all their life to make things better but still fail. Hope doesn't always carry you forward, and in some situations it simply isn't enough.
Quite an inspiring quote. This is what I try to live by; whatever happens, I think of it as an experience. even if it's bad, I've gained something from it.
This was a nice way to end your story.
Overall, this is a well-written piece that reminds me of the poem "Desiderata," although this doesn't make me cringe. XD Good on you. You have talent, and I look forward to seeing more of your works!
~ Lee
Wow, thank you for the in-depth response of suggestions!
Hello, slubbs here to review your fantastic work.
Let’s dive into it.
This was a very unique story. I’m going to go through the rough patches first.
So I agree with the other reviewer about the transitions, I feel like you can add more detail to smooth things out.
Overall everything else was splendid, so just add detail and depth into your story and it will make all those rough edges smoother than a babies bottom.
So I really like the message in this story, I felt like I came out of this story inspired and knowledgeable about taking actions.
I really like the metaphor life is a roller coaster, you made the story in such a creative way it was awesome!
Sorry for such a short review I’m quite tired XD
I enjoyed your work and hope to review with more advice for your further work!
Enjoy your evening and continue writing! Excited to review your next work with more jazz ahha.
~slubbs
Thank you so much for the suggestions!
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Hmmm...well this was quite an interesting piece here, there's a nice sort of overall flow to it, and well...it was certainly a nice read, quite inspiring there towards the end.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well...that's an interesting statement to start off with there...certainly sounds like a very interesting thing to be wondering about, I don't believe I've ever done that, wondering what an accomplishment means.
Although I have only ever stood at first place in a podium once in my life...so not exactly a lot of opportunities...xDHmm...well that certainly is what most people think of as winning. Hmm...well excited to see where this goes, the start here is certainly very intriguing.
Hmm....well being first place would certainly be a pretty memorable aaand pretty happy moment. A little rough on that sudden transition to a park bench there, especially considering this story here doesn't appear to have clearly defined paragraphs....although I have a feeling the lack of paragraphs has more to do with YWS messing with the formatting than an issue on your part.
At any rate, despite the relatively rough transition, I do love the thoughts here, they certainly seem like a good advice and just generally a nice view to have on life at least in my opinion. And well, that last line seems like some sort of call for a new beginning almost, also pretty interesting to see what that could mean.
Hmm...more great advice headed our way I see, I really do love the advice that this little story is trying to give here. It seems like something you hear a lot these days, but its never a bad idea to listen to something like this one more time. Well, let's see what more this here has to offer.
Okay...kind of another janky transition but...hmm...well considering that this is maybe meant to reflect a series of memories perhaps, at least judging by the title, that might make sense, cause it looks like we're just seeing a progression here, a reaction from when this person is at first place, things move towards fifth place and then finally eleventh place. The reactions are progressively worse and then of course hope comes through in the end with some more great advice....its a nice little pattern that you've got going here.
Well....that's a pretty fitting ending to this little story here...think it makes for a lovely touch at the end here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this was a really nice read here. I certainly enjoyed it, and got some pretty good advice along the way. Well, anyway, I believe that is all I've gotta say here. So until next time...
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I'm very amused by how many times you started your critique with "Hmm..." XDDD
Hmm...that's interesting
Thank you so much for the review! Hmmm... XD
You're Welcome!!
Thank you for reading! If you have any suggestions to make it better, please tell me below!