Young Writers Society

Hi NirvanisKing,

Mailice here with a short review!

This was an interesting story, if you can call it that. I see it more as a motivational speech you gave here to give the reader some optimism and realism. I liked the way you went about it and tried to back it up with your own examples and also put in things like there is always tomorrow or even if you lose you can still win.

However, I also found that your text read a bit unstructured, especially because there were no real sections and the transitions were not complete for the reader. I think you could try to get behind that a bit more and expand on it accordingly to make these points clearer. Because you sometimes jump from A to B and back, and you always come back to your guiding principle: "Life is a rollercoaster."

Otherwise, I found it a nice change to read such a story here, which I'm sure is good for the reader to delve into.

Other points that stood out to me:

What a moment, I think, To win something, to claim victory.

What a fifth-place I got
at the competition, but a single competition won't change a thing about me except for
my emotions.

Hey there, Nirvan!

I'll begin by saying that I like the structure you followed. It looked like a poem at first, but this actually suits what you've written; it grants the piece a poetic quality without taking away its story telling ability. I like the topic you've perused, although, well, I've never been particularly competitive, so I couldn't entirely relate. I've been at the bottom of my class sometimes and never let it affect me. I do feel bad if it's in a subject or activity I really like, but I've never felt that terrible about it.
However, I appreciate the message you're putting out; life isn't all highs. While our reasons for feeling low may differ, this poem offers and nurtures hope, which I can admire and commend.

What a fifth-place I got

at the competition, but a single competition won’t change a thing about me except for

Life is a roller coaster going up and down and left to right.

Life is a roller coaster going down to up, right to left.

Life is a roller coaster going left to right, up to down.

I like the refrain here, and also how down to up becomes up to down, and right to left becomes left to right.

my emotions.

There is no end

if you have the worst grades, worst jobs, worst shelter.

This is memorable and an inspiring

moment.

Hello, slubbs here to review your fantastic work.

Let’s dive into it.
This was a very unique story. I’m going to go through the rough patches first.

So I agree with the other reviewer about the transitions, I feel like you can add more detail to smooth things out.

Overall everything else was splendid, so just add detail and depth into your story and it will make all those rough edges smoother than a babies bottom.

So I really like the message in this story, I felt like I came out of this story inspired and knowledgeable about taking actions.

I really like the metaphor life is a roller coaster, you made the story in such a creative way it was awesome!

Sorry for such a short review I’m quite tired XD

I enjoyed your work and hope to review with more advice for your further work!

Enjoy your evening and continue writing! Excited to review your next work with more jazz ahha.

~slubbs

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Hmmm...well this was quite an interesting piece here, there's a nice sort of overall flow to it, and well...it was certainly a nice read, quite inspiring there towards the end.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Here I am, standing on the podium. I’m in the first place, wondering what an

accomplishment means. Maybe it gives you a few seconds of joy, maybe a few seconds

of tears.

What a moment, I think, To win something, to claim victory. To be a winner is to beat

everyone else, to be triumphant, to be a champion.

Life is a roller coaster going up and down and left to right. This is a memorable and

happy moment. Here I am, sitting on a bench at the park with my legs crossed. And

mind wide open thinking: your life is given with a single personality. You only get one

chance.. Take the risk to be who you are, to do what you do best. What a fifth-place I got

at the competition, but a single competition won’t change a thing about me except for

my emotions. It’s a time to be optimistic, to think “I will get stronger and smarter.”

Thinking, What a chance I have to have perfect eyes, perfect legs, perfect arms, perfect

face. Many people don’t get this chance. Always remember that we are blessed to have

the chance to embrace life with each step we take. Never abuse that chance; always

think there is no end till my soul and thoughts vanish into the darkness. There is no end

if you have the worst grades, worst jobs, worst shelter. Instead, remember that there is

always a tomorrow.

Life is a roller coaster going down to up, right to left. This is memorable and an unique

moment.

Here I am, lying on my bed, face bulged into my tear-stained pillow. All because I came

eleventh in a competition. I see my father to my side, claiming that things like this

happen, and it’s not the end of the world. Right now, my mind is a maze and I may never

find my way out. But with the power of the soul, one shall pass any wall, any obstacle,

and any moment. It’s just a matter of time until my weeping ends. It's just a matter of

time until the clock ticks to midnight and the day shifts. It’s all just a matter of time until

I finish this sadness. There is always a chance to be better.

Life is a roller coaster going left to right, up to down. This is memorable and an inspiring moment.

Thank you for reading! If you have any suggestions to make it better, please tell me below!