Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
Avarshei grew restless as he lay in the bed. He looked around the medical bay Synergii had left him in. He prayed to all of his gods that she wouldn't breathe a word to anyone about his mark. He looked down at his wrist and tried one more time to sleep.
No matter how hard he tried he just couldn't shut off his mind. His adrenalin was still racing from the battle with the small group of Dethre. That wouldn't be the last of them and he knew it.
He got up from the bed and stumbled a little; his legs were weak and needed to be reminded on how to stay up right.
Exiting the medical bay, Avarshei almost knocked over Cayleon. She jumpped back a little, startled.
"Careful there," she giggled slightly. "I read Synergii’s report on you, didn't expect you to be up already though, thought you'd maybe sleep until we landed."
"I...I couldn't sleep," he sighed. "Where are you heading to anyway?"
"We're drifters, we don't have a destination, we just roam the stars," she chuckled. "At least that's what Niraco and Damion say."
"You don't enjoy this?"
Cayleon shook her head. "I hate space, it's too big, and so far away from home. But for now this ship is our home."
Avarshei nodded slightly, trying to look understanding. "Forgive my rudeness, my name is-"
"Avirosylanto, I read it in Synergii's report," Cayleon said almost tripping over pronouncing his name.
"Though, call me Avarshei, people find it easier to say," the Arocone laughed.
"Alright then, I'm Cayleon," she held out her hand for the Arocone to shake.
Avarshei looked at the yellow Semaloids hand in confusion.
"You're supposed to shake it with your own hand," Cayleon said, her eyebrow raised.
"Ooh!" Avarshei took Cayleons index finger and wiggled it."Like that?"
Not wanting to explain the complexity of a handshake Cayleon just nodded. "Yeah, good job."
She took him first to the bridge, she told him this is where she could be found most as her she was always tinkering and improving the ship. She also introduced him to Rongo.
"Made him myself," she smiled proudly. "Amazing what you can do with metal and some ounces of steelpow."
"Steelpow?"
"It's what I use to hold everything together, it's cheap and a lot better than some of the leading brands ship dealers sell," she said, Avarshei pretended to nod in understanding.
She then led him past the observation deck. At the far side were Damion and Niraco could be found.
"I don't know much about your kind, Semaloids yes?" Avarshei asked, looking at the two eldest as they talked to each other taking no notice of them.
"Yup, we're Outer-Species, Arocones are Inner?" asked Cayleon.
Avarshei nodded. "Though we don't have a seat in the Supreme Races-"
"Ah yes, the Governing Body of the Cosmos, nice title," Cayleon mocked.
"You do not like the SR?"
She shrugged. "Maybe it's because I'm an Outer-Being, but I’d preferred it if each planet just ruled on their own."
"Come to think of it, you're crew are the only Outer-Beings that haven't been hostile," he said, the realized that Cayleon could take offence to that. "Not that all Outer-Beings are bad I'm just saying from experience."
Cayleon chuckled. "It's fine."
Cayleon thought about the SR. She remembered years ago watching on a projection a meeting of the SR. They all sat in a big grand-hall and discussed issues. Cayleon had strong views of the SR. She seen them as being a pointless bunch of politicians who did nothing but talk and get big pay checks for talking.
"Could you tell me about your kind, I just have little knowledge of your people," asked Avarshei.
"Uh, sure." Cayleon had never been asked about her people so she felt slightly honoured. "Niraco - the green one over there - she's from Gramento. Damion - the orange - is from Darmonyte," she looked down a little. A shame flashed on her face.
"I know about Darmonytes, they're planet was deemed uninhabitable after the war between the other Semaloid home worlds."
"Yeah...we don't talk about it on this ship," she said and Avarshei nodded.
Cayleon wanted to quickly move on from this touchy subject.
"Let's move on." She walked away from the observation deck.
Avarshei had been on many ships before but none looked as beat up. It was grey in colour but some parts had tinted blue and violet mixed in. Cayleon showed him the cabins and the one he would be staying in. Altogether there were eight rooms each with two beds in them.
Cayleon then moved them to the lounge where Synergii and Wave were. The two were playing a game of chess, Wave was clearly losing.
"I don't understand how good you can be at this game!" she cried out in frustration.
Synergii smiled and moved one her knight. "Checkmate," she said.
"Oh come on!"
When Avarshei and Cayleon came in the two stood up and went towards them. "Oh, hey Cayleon, Synergii was telling me about the Arocone, Avarshei yeah?"
The Arocone nodded with a small smile on his face.
"I'm just showing him around, I was just about to show him the-"
A whirring sound made her stop. Avarshei looked around, worried that it might be another Dethre. "What is it?"
"Oh not this again," Cayleon slapped her forehead.
Wave and Synergii ran out of the lounge and down the hallway. Their faces smiling with glee.
"What is it?"
Cayleon told the Arocone to follow her until they reached a circular room. The room had a hole in the middle with banisters outlining it.
"This is the training and sparring room, the last stop on our tour," she sighed, leaning over the banister and looking down.
Wave and Synergii were at the other side of the room. They waved their arms in hello towards Avarshei who hadn't looked down into the hole. Where he saw the two eldest Semaloids duelling.
"They argue sometimes and this is the only way they can settle it," Cayleon said.
"Why?"
"The two of them are way too stubborn for their own good," she said.
When Niraco was younger she was in the top military school in Gramento. So her head-to-hand combat was superior to Damion’s. However, Damion was a lot more agile and stronger. He easily dodged Niraco's fist and countered with breeze.
"Damn it!" Niraco yelled as she tried to block Damion’s kicks.
"She was never good at blocking," Synergii said to Wave, laughing.
"Don't you think about stopping them?" Avarshei asked, slightly worried.
"At first I was always the one in the middle," she said. "No matter how hard I tried the two always ended up here. They're best friends and no amount of arguing will change that."
"Then why do the fight?"
"It’s…how they blow off steam. This ship can seem crowed at times. Tensions rise, we start to become irritated, and when they fight we all seem to forget about it."
"Violence solves that problem?" he said, shocked.
Cayleon chuckled. "Yeah, see Synergii and Wave over there cheering." Avarshei nodded. "If it wasn't for this fight they'd most likely start to be at each other’s throats. Yet Niraco and Damion use their irritation towards each other to both better themselves and entertain the rest of the crew..." she trailed off as she watched more of the fight. "We're not normal," she laughed.
Avarshei looked over the banister, trying his best to join in.
Niraco was trying her best to block all of Damion’s attacks but he was too fast for her. Synergii was right: she was no good at blocking. She watched in hopelessness as Damion came at her like a rocket, his fist pulled back. His fist slammed into her side and she couldn't help but splutter to the floor. Gasping for breath, Niraco resorted to her trump card. In a hurry she whispered something.
"What did she say?"
"Her name in Semalish, it activates her Semaloid Gift," Cayleon said, getting excited over the fight.
"Gift?"
"Watch right now and I'll explain later."
Damion was about to go in for another hit when Niraco started to have a bright green glow on her skin. He stopped mid-punch.
"Sonofa-"
He was cut off by Niraco grabbing him and flinging him across the room. She then ran at him once he had gotten back on his feet. She grabbed his collar and threw him to the ground.
"Damion is naturally stronger than Niraco, this is her first Gift, the ability to take her enemy’s strength and have it herself, pretty useful in a one-on-one battle," Cayleon explained. "The enemy still has their own strength and Niraco uses both hers and her enemy’s but it only lasts a while. Her record is four minutes. In a group, however, Niraco is totally useless."
"I heard that!" Niraco yelled as she threw the orange Semaloid into the air.
As Damion came back down she jumpped and kicked him, sending him flying and crashing into the wall on the other side of the room.
"Useless?" said Avarshei, trying to see fault in this power.
"Her body gets 'mixed up'. She can only take the strenght from one person, so when there are many people up against her she can focus."
Niraco’s glow disappeared; she wiped the sweat from her brow and looked up, giving her very small audience a thumbs up.
"It's not over yet..." Cayleon said, quietly.
"Huh?"
The small dust cloud which had formed after Damion crashed settled. Damion now had an orange glow around him. It wasn't as bright as Niraco’s but she still had a look of worry on her face.
He rolled his shoulders. "I think now would be a good time for me to finish this."
The lights in the room went slightly dimmer for a second.
"Uh, oh-" Niraco was hit with a bright beam of light that had escaped from Damion’s palm.
Avarshei looked at Cayleon for an explanation.
"It's called ‘taking light to give light’ – Damion gave it that stupid name. Damion takes the light in a room and uses it to blast away his enemy’s," she said.
Niraco did a commando roll away from Damion’s light. When she got back on her feet Damion used another - but somewhat weaker - beam to push her back.
"However," Cayleon said.
Damion used a much more powerful beam to try and keep Niraco down. His glow then suddenly evaporated. "Damn it not now!"
Smirking Niraco rushed at him going back to the fist fighting.
"Sometimes he can take too much light and 'burn out'."
Avarshei took more of an interest in the fight. "I never knew Semaloids were so gifted."
"Not really, the power we have is limited. We have two types of power, the first one being something which we manifest through our environments," explained Cayleon, winching as Niraco got punched in the face. "It's very limited though. Y'see Niraco's power is useless when facing a group of foes and Damion's is no good in the dark."
"What about you?" asked Avarshei.
"I'm able to use electrical currents in a way Damion uses light," she said rather proudly.
"And those two?" Avarshei pointed to the younger Semaloids who were still cheering.
"Wave can create shields, only for a really small group and they can only take a small amount of damage before evaporating. But there's something different about Synergii."
"How so?"
"Remember how I said to you we have two gifts?" she asked and Avershei nodded. "Synergii only seems to have one and even at that it's a strange gift."
"What is it?"
"When a Semaloid reaches maturity we ‘lose’ most of our ability to learn new things, so as a youth that you quickly choose something you're good at and quickly excel through it. But Synergii...she still has that, almost as if she is still a youth."
Cayleon looked at Synergii, her eyes filled with a cocktail of emotions: fascination, wonder and fear. Cayleon wondered why Synergii didn't seem to have fully matured.
"Damion thinks it's because we did her Maturing Ceremony," she said, looking back at the fight.
"I know about those, that's when members of a Semaloids family say which attributes they would like to have been passed onto the youth right?" said Avarshei, rather proud of his knowledge on Semaloids.
"Basically yea'. But there's one more thing, the closets blood related family member - normally the mother - does something." Cayleon didn't know how to fully explain. "It's like what other family members do, y'know tell them things that they want the youth to be, only...the mother...she...gives them something more."
"I don't understand," Avarshei was curious and confused.
"It's hard to explain because no one knows what it is the mother does, they never tell you and as a youth you never remember it, you only find out if you yourself is giving...whatever the heck it is...to the youth."
"Was she not given this?"
"She was...but by Niraco," Cayleon’s face started to have a slight frown in it. "She's only Synergiis half-sister. They share the same father. At the time she was the only blood relative to Synergii."
"So you think the gift was wrong?"
She shrugged. "I don't know-"
Niraco was flat on her back. She was panting furiously, bruises started to form on her green tinted skin. But she still had a look of determination.
"Okay! That's it!" Niraco flipped back onto her feet.
Avarshei noticed something formed out of thin air to Niraco’s lower back. A pistol.
Avarshei opened his mouth to ask Cayleon a question.
"Her second Gift," she smirked. "She's able to make weapons appear."
"Amazing..." Avarshei said, slightly speechless.
"Not really," Cayleon said. "She comes from a military family. All the way to her great-great-grandmother. Each of them had this gift too. So do many other Semaloids. It falls under the category: easy to learn hard to master...I hope that's the right phrase."
"I understand what you mean," chuckled Avarshei.
Damion struggled to stay away from Niraco's seemingly endless supply of bullets. He let out a breath of relief when they stopped. Niraco cursed and put the pistol behind her back again.
"Is that limited too?" asked Avarshei.
"Not really, that weapon just has to cool down for now. She has another piece of ammunition."
Niraco's pistol was replaced by a submachine gun. Damion's look of relief left and the panicky face returned. He started to run away from the lazar bullets Niraco was pelting at him. A smirk took over her face. It looked like she had the upper hand. Cayleon however knew what was coming next. Niraco had never won against Damion - this battle however she seemed to be doing better than normal.
Months ago, Damion and Niraco had made the training room look more like a battle ground. They put hip high walls and other parts of collapsing walls on the ground. Damion took cover behind one of the walls. He was out of breath and Niraco's bullets seemed infinite.
"How long does that last until she has to let it cool down?" Avarshei asked.
Cayleon smiled and counted down from three.
"AH DAMN IT!" Niraco yelled in frustration. She reached behind her putting away the submachine gun and getting ready to take out her pistol.
That gave Damion enough time to ready his second gift. He stood out from his cover and whispered. Small flickers of dancing flames silkly moved beside Damion, the flames grew thicker and some turned different shades of red, yellow and orange. A demonic massive three-headed hound was molded from the flames.
The beast pounced towards Niraco; she let out a yell and started to run away from the monster. She got on her knees as the monster loomed closer to her.
"Okay! I give up," she mumbled.
"What was that?" said Damion, rubbing salt in her wounded pride.
"You win!"
The growling hound stopped, he wagged his tail and each of the three heads began licking Niraco. She laughed and was pushed on her back by the mutt.
"Down boy!" Damion yelled jumping onto the hounds back.
Cayleon smiled, typical battle. Niraco lost but she bettered herself.
"That beast is...is..." Avarshei seemed to be shaking with fear as he looked at the demon hound.
"Big, massive, huge, large, take your pick," Cayleon giggled.
"You really all aren’t normal," Avarshei rubbed the back of his neck. He was worried, worried as to what he had gotten himself into. Perhaps he would have been better off if the Dethre had gotten him.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey Niraco!
I decided it was time to read your story! I have read the previous chapter to this one so I would be able to understand and get where the story is going too. I have to say you've got an interesting idea here... and you've put in some rather creative powers as well. I like how you used the demonstrational fight to reveal most of the powers, but not all of them. We're going to get to know the other's second powers soon I hope!
I was curious as to what the Avocone's mark meant. All you did was mention it was bad and a secret that needed to be covered up... but you never said why and what effect it might have on the people in the ship. I am wondering what is so special about this mark, and what danger or trouble it might cause.
This is referring to the previous chapter sorry. But since they are always riding this chip and wandering about, why were they only just choosing a captain then? Maybe you should mention something like they choose a new captain every day but can never agree to take it in turns or something. Anything that validates why they were choosing at such a random moment.
Why do the live on the GLR? If Cayleon hates it so much, why doesn't she just hop off at the next stop or something. I am looking forwards to having an explanation as to why they feel tied down to this ship when they miss home so. There should be a good reason as to why they are been held back from it. Also, you did give us a small bit of insight to the rest of the world... with the SR. But is it only full of aliens or are humans in existence too? Do they know about aliens enough to be part of the SR?
I would like a few more descriptions of appearances here. Like, maybe Cayleon looks out of the window and describes what space looks like in her own eyes. Maybe she sees planets drifting by and such. I want to know what it looks like beyond the ship!
It took me a while to realize that they weren't humans! Because you said Outer-Beings I assumed you meant people (my fault) but you set me straight in this chapter. Knowing that they aren't human and learning that their all different colours made me wonder what their features are like! And how do they differ from each others? Let me knowwww!
A handshake doesn't really seem like a complex thing to me, but it would to Avarshei. Maybe just use the word simplicity instead. Or cut an the descriptive word in general.
I think this was a lovely chapter, and I am going to go read the next one as well!
Deanie x
Sorry for the late reply. I like to keep a lot of information away from readers and give hints as the story goes on. The questioned you did raise will be answered...eventually.
I'll also be sure to take on bored your suggestion.
Thanks a lot for your review it really made me smile.
Pen here, with a review!
First off, it's gotten better!
I actually found myself unable to loom away. This chapter explains much more than the last, and I adore the fight scene.
Now, let's move on to the nitpicks. I don't really have many, but for one, the grammar can be tweaked a bit, and even though it's not bad, it still needs something. I feel like it's missing something, and I don't know what. Maybe a bit of humor? Maybe a bit more details in the fight scene...
And then maybe work on consistency. It's good, but you go from direct dialogue to vague little sentences. Keep that consistent. Otherwise, I enjoyed it.
Good Job, and Keep Writing!
~Pen
Thank you for another review it means a great deal. I do have trouble what with grammar and spelling so I will go back and change them. Thanks again Pen
Hey there! Calvinn to review for you
I will apologise, first and foremost, for appearing (and perhaps being) harsh in my critique here. But if there's one thing I hate, it's not being completely honest with myself - my mindset here is that of what you would expect from readers if you actually got round to publishing the book. So here goes -
You've got a decent story going. I have not read the previous chapters, so I had to gather the general details of the novel from this chapter (I know, mea culpa mea culpa). I know it is sci-fi, I that currently we are dealing with 2 extraterrestrial races, inidividuals of which are living together. I also know that one particular race has special powers, sometimes one, sometimes 2. Kudos on this - the reader can readily grasp what you're talking about.
But you have to go over the grammar here. You need to go over your own work and have somebody else do it for you as well.
Furthermore, sometimes the fluency of going from one thing to another, or from verbal exchanges to descriptions....it's just slightly jarring. It's almost as if you committed the transition half-heartedly. I'll give you an example - ""Alright then, I'm Cayleon," she held out her hand for the Arocone to shake.
After their quick introduction of each other Cayleon asked if Avarshei wanted a tour of the ship." - See? first you're giving us the direct speech from the characters and then simply telling us what they did. Not only that, but it is critical that you SHOW, not tell. Instead of telling us that one Semaloid was trying to block the other's attacks, describe the hand movement and the body posture! e.g. Her eyes never left Damion's chest, as she tried to anticipate his next move. Slipping into a defensive position, her hands met Damion's in a flurry of blows as she sought out a chink in his armour, some vulnerable spot she could target.
Just a few tips of advice - you need to clean up certain conceptions. For example, I am quite sure that Niraco's ability to extract her opponent's strength would prove not only useful, but VITAL in a group fight. And how is she also able to use a machine gun against Damion without blowing him to pieces? There's an incongruency here - fix it (unless of course, you mentioned in your earlier chapters that Semaloids cannot be killed off by mortal means, in which case you have my sincerest apologies).
Definitely the piece needs work, but that's why we're here to review! That being said, I like where you're going with this. What you COULD also do, is give us a hint of what's coming next - the reader requires a motivation to keep on reading, not just a description of the present situation, O.K.?
Good job though! The idea is original, the characters are likeable - it makes a good read! With some editing, it could be GREAT.
Well done, and keep on writing!
Calvinn.
Thank you so much for that detailed review. From that I'll go back over both chapters and explain things that I have noe noticed thanks to you. Once again thank you and you were not harsh at all.
Great! Glad I could help