z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

Banshee Part 2

by Niraco


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Years went by at a horrifying speed as mother furiously continued our training. Each and every day was almost the same, but I never truly grew bored of it. The only change of pace we ever had was half way through summer. Mother and father would take us into the barn and give us gruelling ‘examinations’.

When my parents first introduced them to us they dressed it up as a day of fun activities; where we’d go over everything we had learned throughout that year. At first the tests were rather general, going over things like farming structure, written tests, combat trials and the like. The year after I turned fifteen was when the examinations began to tailor more towards the skills we excelled at. Oisin’s main combat testing was through his bow usage while mine focused mostly on swordplay. Whichever subject we seemed to show more promise in was a main focus and those we were weak in got dropped entirely.

The examinations allowed mother to plan out for our core curriculum, which would be set in place until our next testing. Eventually Oisin and my training became so diverse that we hardly spent any time together training – excluding household chores.

When I was sixteen most of my training consisted of blade weaponry, farming, economics and history. While Oisin – who was fourteen at the time – worked more on ranged weaponry, politics, proper etiquette and the current state of our royal family. Our training never seemed to end, which bothered Oisin more so than myself.

“Father said that in town there is to be a festival of some sorts,” Oisin said one grey summer’s day, as we scrubbed garments outside in the garden. “Do you think he’ll let us go?”

“Why would you want to go to a festival?” I questioned, throwing up a damp sheet on a line. “You’ve never shown interest before.”

“I just thought it would be a nice break for us. We’ve been training for almost six years now – you’d think they would allow us some time off,” he grumbled.

I shrugged my shoulders. Going into the town wasn’t something we did often and only while accompanying mother or father. “Town is rather boring at best anyway. What makes you think a festival would be fun?”

Oisin handed me a pair of wet trousers. “The sun is supposed to show that day, town should be lively.” He took a long pause. “The Guild leaders are also supposed to make an appearance.”

When he said that I quickly snapped round my head to look at him, sudden interest filling my face. “The Guild leaders?”

“They’re hosting some games. I think they’re looking for new candidates.” The expression on his face was that of a hopeful pup. He knew that by talking about The Guild would ruffle my curiosity and devotion.

After staring at me for so long with such a pouting face I eventually gave in. “We’ll ask mother and father at supper.”

He dropped a garment he was washing back into a basin, with a grin on his face stretching from ear to ear. He threw himself at me, locking me into a tight squeeze which challenged my breathing.

“Oisin,” I wheezed, but he took no notice. “I need air!”

He pulled back from me, no sense of guilt at almost killing his sibling on his face. “I hope they agree. Imagine if they did, I heard the baker does amazing little cakes especially for this time of year.”

I let him ramble on about his little fantasy, knowing fine well that mother wouldn’t allow it. The examinations were coming up soon and mother loved to use the summer months to hammer in any lessons she thought were needed.

Supper came and Oisin hardly touched his food, I could see how giddy he was fidgeting in his seat. Whenever I looked up from my food I saw him looking at me, a pleading expression on his face. At the time I’d hoped he would have forgotten about our deal and eventually I opened my mouth to ask.

“Town holds a festival tomorrow, right?” I casually asked, with bread stuffed into my mouth.

“A sun day festival, the last one was just after Oisin was born,” mother replied, finishing off her mutton. “Why you ask?”

“Could Oisin and I go?” I decided to get straight to the point.

Mother stopped mid-chew and looked up at my father.

“Why are you looking at me?” questioned father.

“You told them didn’t you?” mother bit back, she used her scolding voice on him.

Father avoided her narrow gaze, clearly embarrassed. “I may have mentioned it to Oisin…but only in passing.”

Mother dropped her fork and placed a hand over her forehead. “I had lessons planned out for tomorrow.”

“One day won’t hurt them. It would be good from them to get out and have some fun in town for once, Niamh.”

The looked at each other from across the table in silence, it seemed they were talking to each other mentally though. Oisin and I looked back and forth between the two several times before either of them spoke up again.

“Fine,” sighed mother. “I’ll allow it, but be home at sunset.”

Oisin’s face lit up with glee, he looked at me with an even bigger smile than before. After supper was finished and our nightly chores we headed to bed, Oisin still yapping my ear off about tomorrow.

Even though we were teenagers our beds still were pushed together. It was a habit Oisin just couldn’t shake, not that I tried very hard to stop it – it was just too much effort. Oisin would not hush about all the things father had told him about the festival. The games, the food, the crowds, the shows. All of those mundane things seemed magical to Oisin.

“If you keep talking about it all night, you’ll end up being too tired to wake tomorrow,” I grumbled, cranky from lack of sleep.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s just. I’m excited.”

He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at me. “Aren’t you? I mean The Guild will be there.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing them, yes,” I said, turning over to face the wall. “But I want to be at my best. Which means sleep.”

I felt the beds shift as Oisin laid back down. “They’ll accept you.”

“Sleep, Oisin.”

“I bet they’ll even skip all your training-”

“Oisin.”

“-because you’ll probably be the best there.”

“Oisin!”

“Right, sorry. I’ll sleep now.”

The next morning came too fast and harsh. As usual, mother came in like a whirlwind, slamming open our window and pulling off our blankets. I groaned at the harsh light coming from our window, at first I didn’t register what the light was. Oisin, however, quickly changed that as he threw himself off the bed and at the window.

“The sun!”

“Don’t look at it directly!” snapped mother. “Your eyes will pop out of your head if you do.”

Mother went over to Oisin and gently pushed him away from the window, a half smile on her face.

Due to Oisin’s tossing and turning throughout the night, my sleep was minimal. Never had I felt more tired than on that day, which irritated me more than anything. Oisin on the other hand, could not stay still. He would fidget around with his hands, shift his weight back and forth on his feet and couldn’t help but have a wide smile plastered on his face.

“Aoife, wake up a little,” father said, as the two of us wandered into the barn to grab our horses. “I thought you would be excited for today.”

I rubbed at my sleep longing eyes. “Perhaps I would have been if Oisin stayed still during the night.”

Father strapped on a saddle to one of our older mares. “Hopefully you’ll wake up as we go into town.”

I rolled my eyes, the only thing that would help me at that moment was the comfort of my own bed.

With a slight boost from father, I set myself on the mare. I rubbed her neck and whispered soothingly into her ear. Father jumped onto one of the bigger stallions, the one Oisin still had a slight fear over. Once the horses were all ready to ride we rode them back to the front of the house. Not even the sight of Oisin’s most hated horse could shake away his joy.

“You’re not coming with us, mother?” Oisin asked, as father helped him sit behind him.

Mother shook her head, while tucking back a stray hair behind her ear. “Someone has to look after the farm, it cannot be left for a day.”

Father leaned down slightly to mothers head and planted a small kiss on her scalp.

After we all said our goodbyes, the three of us took the dirt path through the forest which led into town. Throughout the entire journey father told tales of when he was a child, all of them about the towns sun day festivals. Apparently, the sun came out much more frequently when he was in his youth.

“Was there a lot more banshees then?” I asked, curiously.

Father shook his head. “Less than now. The Guild wasn’t as large back then.”

I knitted my eyebrows. “Then, if there is less banshees now, why is the sun hardly out?”

I looked up at the sky, the glowing yellow ball beaming down hotly.

“I have never thought about that, Aoife,” father said. “Perhaps you can ask someone of The Guild in town.”

Despite my lack of excitement, I still felt a sense of joy at seeing The Guild leaders. The only time I willingly went to town was for the parades honouring The Guild. Just being in their presence was sheer joy, bringing inspiration to all who attended.

We reached the town just before noon, it seemed as if everyone was there. Father led us to large stables where we left our horses. Oisin was furiously pointing to every stall he seen.

“The bakers over there!” he called to father.

Father looked down at me with the same annoyed expression. “Go with your brother while I see the butcher about something.”

My mouth slacked slightly. “But I have to see where The Guild members are.”

“You’ll see them in time,” father grumbled. “For now allow your brother to have some fun.”

Oisin grabbed my arm and yanked me towards the bakers stall. I looked back at my father with an envious glare – I was going to tell mother about this.

Oisin seemed mesmerised by all the colours in town. He zoomed through every single stall, always surprised by everything they had. He was especially fond of the hand crafted jewellery.

“We should buy one and take it back for mother,” he said, looking at an ebony jewelled necklace. “She likes the colour black…or was it green?”

“She likes black Oisin,” I said, uninterested in the stall.

I kept craning my neck over the heads of people trying to catch a glimpse at The Guilds banner. It was nowhere in sight. I couldn’t help but be slightly disappointed at their lack of appearance, I began to think that they wouldn’t even show up.

Oisin bought mother the necklace and carefully wrapped it in his pocket.

“How much was it?” I asked, being aware that we had very few funds to spend.

“The price doesn’t matter,” he said, not looking at me.

I rolled my eyes and groaned loudly at him. “You used all your money, didn’t you?”

Oisin gave me a small and nervous chuckle. “Please don’t tell father.”

I smacked the top of his head. “Just don’t ask me to buy you anything for the rest of the day.”

He rubbed the top of his head. “I won’t,” he mumbled.

We started to walk away from the stalls and more into the centre of town, where a stage was set up. Not many people were paying attention to the stage so there were a few spaces to sit right at the front. Since Oisin was complaining about people standing on his toes so much we decided that sitting down would be a good idea.

Once we sat down Oisin took off his shoes and began to inspect his toes, a small red lump was forming on his pinky toe. “It’s a blister,” he grumbled.

I pulled out a small cloth and handed it to him. “I’ll get a needle when we go back home and pop it for you.”

Oisin started to wrap his toes with the cloth. “What do you think this stage is for?”

“Perhaps a performance.” I stood up and tried to look at behind the stage. Girls dressed in bright colours and flowers stood giddily talking to each other, with a large woman waving her arms next to them. “There’s some girls back there.”

“What do they look like?” Oisin asked, putting back on his shoe.

“Uh, they’re wearing dresses, ones that flair out slightly,” I said.

“It’s those dancers that show off to the royal family, I’m surprised they’d be here,” Oisin said.

I sat back down, I knew little about our royal family. Their affairs tended to slip me by since we were a small farm a good bit away from the town. The royals tended to ignore farming families and we liked it that way. Oisin, however, was fascinated by them for some reason.

“Are they any good?” I asked.

Oisin shrugged. “I’ve never seen them, mother says they used to always perform shows when she lived in town. They stopped doing them though.”

“How so?”

“A banshee took away one of their members, so they prefer doing their shows indoors.”

I rubbed my eyes, my lack of sleep was starting to catch up to me. “That’s awful,” I yawned.

Oisin and myself sat for some time before a crowd started to gather, seats filled up fast and I was glad we decided to sit down when we did. Once every seat was taken, the large woman I saw earlier stood up on the stage.

“Thank you all for coming this fine sun day festival!” she yelled over the crowd. “Since this is the first sun day festival in over a decade we have put together a delightful show for you all.”

The crowd began to wildly cheer, the large woman on stage was over joyed at the hollering.

“I am amazed to see such excitement today! It lifts up my spirits!”

A line of beautiful girls started to walk on stage, taking various poses and stances.

“Give a very loud cheer for my girls today!” the large woman opened her arms wide for the crowd.

The loudness of everyone around me was rather frightening, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of unease as everyone cheered and pushed. Oisin on the other hand seemed in his element as he cheered along with the crowd.

The large woman exited the stage and seemingly out of nowhere music began to play. The girls burst out into dance moves I had never seen before. Every one of them flowed perfectly with the string music, their bodies flowed gracefully like water through a peaceful stream. It was mesmerising to see.

The whole crowd was in a trance as the girls shook to the music, even I found myself becoming hypnotised by their movements. They all seemed to be moving as one to the music, mirroring their moves with each other. Their skill was astonishing.

When it was over and the spell of their dancing was lifted everyone was snapped back into reality, stunned and amazed. After a few short moments of silence the crowd roared at the girls, cheering for their performance.

The large woman came back on stage as the girls left. “Thank you for welcoming my girls so furiously!” she yelled over the still cheering crowd.

From the corner of my eye I spotted something, something silver. I turned my head to the left side of the stage, a group of three people stood. Two men and a woman, the three of them had sour looks on their faces, as if they had been waiting for a long time. Without a second thought I stood up to try and get a better look at them; even though I already knew who they were.

“The Guild leaders,” I managed to wheeze out.

The crowd was still cheering, which I was thankful for as then no one could hear my embarrassing cracked voice. Oisin noticed my sudden movement though, he tugged lightly at my sleeve, moving his body upward so his lips could reach my ear.

“What is it?” he yelled over the crowd.

I turned back, my face felt hot and my stomach began looping inside my body. “It…it’s The Guild leaders.”

Oisin looked forward and seen them too, he gave me a warm and cheery smile. “You’ll finally meet them soon!”

The crowd began to settle back down and we returned to our sitting spot. I could barely register what was going on, my heart was racing and my mouth suddenly felt dry. I didn’t even notice the large woman leaving nor the leaders walking on stage. All I knew was that one second Oisin was smiling at me and the next I was staring up at my idols.

Reality came back to me half way through the woman’s sentence. Aine, was her name. She was a radiant woman, with light fair hair – which was now turning grey in her maturing age. She was the newest leader, she was once a knight for the royal family. The year prior she was given the opportunity to become one of The Guild leaders, everyone was rather surprised she joined them.

“-numbers are become rather low as of late,” she said.

I wanted to kick myself for letting my mind wander and missing the start of her talking.

“This doesn’t mean we will be taking on anyone who strolls into our arena today, candidates must show brilliant skill,” she spoke in a very matter-of-fact voice.

Oisin leaned closer to me. “She’s a really scary lady.”

Sharply, I hushed him.

“From now until the end of the day we will be stationed at the arena, if you do wish to join our cause sign up there,” she moved her hands behind her back. “I warn you though, this means signing up away most of your life. We will ask much of our new candidates, do not take this decision if you want to be a hero.”

“There’s no need to scare the people, Aine,” a man put his hand on Aine’s shoulders, causing her to stand back slightly and allow him to take centre stage.

Seamus was the man’s name. He was the youngest leader, raised by The Guild in fact. He was orphaned as a child and since then The Guild is all he knew. When I was younger I envied him to great lengths, I dreamed about running away to join them and become more powerful than Seamus.

I allowed myself a few seconds to study the crowd, most people were listen hard, taking everything the leaders said in. Others were whispering to each other, some – mostly woman – were looking up at Seamus dotingly. Indeed he was a handsome man but hardly anything special, certainly not worth gushing over.

“While my colleague here is correct, trying to become a member of The Guild is a hard task, but to those who truly wish to be a part of this glorious establishment it will seem like an easy feat,” he smiled down at the crowd. “So if you do feel as if you can handle what we throw at you, please come and try. Show us what you can do.”

His rather uplifting talk made the crowd cheer slightly. However, out of the corner of my eye I noticed anxious murmurs.

The three strolled off the stage and vanished. Once the crowd realised there would be no more shows they disbanded. Oisin and I stayed, sitting on the log for a while.

“Who was the large man,” Oisin asked, lifting up his elbows in an attempt to make himself look muscular.

“Donal,” I said, without missing a beat. “He doesn’t speak.” I stood up and patted down my shirt. “Let’s go to the arena.”

With long strides, I began making my way towards the grounds where The Guild was. Oisin struggled to keep up at my heels.

“They seem a little frightening,” he said.

“What were you expecting?” I asked, sarcastically.

“I have no idea, actually, but the talkative man seemed very nice, what do you make of him?” Oisin asked.

I always liked it when Oisin asked me questions regarding The Guild or its members, it gave me a chance to put my knowledge to the test.

“He’s very skilled, Donal is actually his adopted father…but he was mostly raised by The Guild.” I turned to Oisin and smirked slightly. “He’s also very fond of the bow.”

At the mention of Oisin’s favoured weapon he perked up. “Really?”

I turned back to face in front of me and could see a large arena just ahead, my stomach was filled with excitement which I struggled to contain. “Yes, apparently he’s unmatched.”

“Unmatched, wow.”

“I am sure you could show him a few tricks though,” I slowed down slightly to walk beside Oisin. “You almost never miss a target.” I bumped his shoulder with my own. “With time you could give him a run for his gold.”

At my minimalistic praise, Oisin beamed with sheer happiness. “Then let’s promise something!”

He quickly side-stepped in front of me, blocking any means of moving forward. “When both of us become members of The Guild, then we’ll be the leaders.”

I scoffed slightly, while our training was ruthless at best, there was basically zero chance for either of us becoming leaders. The leaders at that time were trained practically from birth, all of them had training from the day they left their mothers bellies. Oisin and I had only been training for a few years.

“Don’t give me that look,” Oisin said, brushing off my scoff. “We’ll manage it, you’re the best sword-wielder in the farmlands.”

“The farmlands aren’t that populated, Oisin,” I reminded him.

A sour pout pushed itself on Oisin’s face, making him look like a childish brat, it made me laugh. “Fine then,” I flicked his forehead. “If only so I don’t ever have to see that hideous look on your face again.”


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Thu Mar 31, 2016 12:09 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hey there! I'm here for a quick review on this!

So, I kinda like this. I like how you didn't just randomly time skip, but instead you kind of summarized what happened over the years in a way that felt pretty natural to me. Like a training montage, but in writing, not in a movie.

I also really like the relationship between Oisin and the main character. They really did feel like siblings and I enjoyed reading their bantering and dialogue.

Be careful about little typos or things that don't really make sense, such as "he knew fine well" or "numbers are become rather low lately." Most of them occur in dialogue, so maybe just give your dialogue a bit of a closer look, especially their mother's and the Guild people's.

Really the only main point of critique I have is that I found the way you explained the whole thing with the guild to be rather confusing. I didn't really understand the Guild's purpose or how/when they accepted new members. They seemed to be talking about some sort of competition where the applicants prove their worth, but it wasn't very clear.

In general, for some reason, your writing is worded more awkwardly and is less clear and easy to read in the last part, basically after the girls finish dancing. Maybe you were in a hurry or something when you wrote it, but that is definitely something to polish off.

And I'm afraid that's all I've really got for you! Good luck with this novel, and thanks for the good read!




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Sun Feb 07, 2016 3:23 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hello again! Here to review your next chapter.

Again, I love the relationship between Aoife and Oisin, it seems very genuine and realistic.

What I didn't understand was Aoife's lack of excitement. I mean, all she's ever wanted was to be a part of the Guild and just a bad nights sleep seemed to turn her completely sour. I'd have thought she'd have been restless too, I mean, she's about to meet her idols and have a chance and being in the Guild, she should be ecstatic! Yet she doesn't really have any sort of emotion until she actually sees the leaders. It was all very out of character.

Also, her mind wanders when the first leader begins to speak - how could she possibly be distracted at a time like that?! She's been training for years to be like them and then when she's in their presence she only seems half there. I think you should build on her emotions, if I was in her situation, I'd be like Oisin, unable to keep still!

The part about Oisin spending all his money on a gift for his mother was super sweet, it shows that even though the mother and father work them to the bone, they are very appreciative.

' “Was there a lot more banshees then?” I asked, curiously.

Father shook his head. “Less than now. The Guild wasn’t as large back then.”

I knitted my eyebrows. “Then, if there is less banshees now, why is the sun hardly out?” '

- This part doesn't really make sense. The fathers says there's more banshees now then before, then Aoife says the complete opposite. I think one side of the conversation needs fixing.

Other than that, your writing style is still great and flows really well.

Let me know when the next part is up :)




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Fri Feb 05, 2016 11:47 pm



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She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.
— Atticus