z

Young Writers Society



I Love my Pain

by Ninlil


If there would be a button that said “Quite life” I would push it. I hate life. Life drags, yet simultaneously time rushes by. Life is boringly predictable and at the same time uncontrollable. Life is breathing. Life is eating. Life is mating. You want more? “Well”, life says, “I can give you this load of problems and disappointments.” Life is an Asshole

I also hate my Brain. I hate all the dreams it gives me, the fact that it can’t remember anything and all the stupid, complex thoughts it commes up with. They say you are in your brain, but I barely feel a connection to it. I don’t feel a connection to any part of my body. So who am I?

I hate Humans they tell me I should love life. And I ask them what exactly and they name allot of things that are empty bubbles to me. Love is an empty bubble for me. Love is a thing that forces us to stay alive. Love is an illusion. I hate Love. Humans tell me that there will come a moment when I’ll be happy I am alive. But why wait? I am destroying the earth by simply existing. I am not only unnecessary, I am harmful. Why force me if I don’t want to?

If there would be a Quite button I’d push it, but I would hesitate. Death secretly scares me, especially dying. There is no easy way to die. I hate death for giving me this fear, but I also hate life.

Which side should I choose?

Where should I go?

This Dilemma is a never ending pain. It tears at me, rips me. It is burning me up from the inside.

Thats the only love I ever felt. The Love for my pain. The pain of decision. The pain of hate. The pain of fear. A raging fire. I feel it turning me into ashes. I want to dissolve. To become my pain. I know It will happen and nothing you do will stop the process.

I Love my Pain, because with it I finally see a point. A point to both life and death. 

Pain


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
18 Reviews


Points: 288
Reviews: 18

Donate
Tue Oct 18, 2016 11:39 pm
PenPacifist wrote a review...



Hi! My name is PenPacifist, and I will be reviewing your monologue today.

This monologue was fantastic. My favorite types of artistic works are the gritty ones; the ones that are stripped down and don't have any sugar coating. They need to be raw, and this piece of writing is definitely raw. I was very impressed with the content of the writing. It kept me on my toes, and it had excellent visuals. The ending was attention grabbing, and the ending was satisfying, but also a cliffhanger. That statement was quite the paradox, but there is just no other way to describe it.

I have a few minor critiques. The first one: what is this "Quite Button" you are talking about? Is it a typo? Did you mean Quit, or did you mean to type Quiet? However, if you did mean to type the word quite, what does the word quite mean in this setting?

There are your occasional grammatical errors here and there. I would suggest looking at the work one more time for quick revisions and touch ups. There isn't anything too major or unforgivable. I think typos can be marks of a good writer, though, because it shows you were busy and committed to the process of writing your piece. But still, if it is fixable, fix it.

I have one more question. Why is it that some words are emphasized with capitalization? Are they more important? Are they themes?

Overall, this is a very good piece of writing. This character seems like they would be an interesting addition to any type of story. I encourage you to keep writing, and to please keep us posted if you are working on a story!!




User avatar
1081 Reviews


Points: 220
Reviews: 1081

Donate
Fri Oct 14, 2016 10:32 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review.

My main problem with this was that the thoughts felt very general. They didn't really go into depth about what it all meant. This seems to be the narrator talking but there aren't any events so I wouldn't call it a story but I don't think you were? This is just the character babbling on about things for me and I think it would be better if you projected this into events and showed how the character acted in those situations. Put the feelings into their actions. Say that the character is in a large apartment building where there is a fire, what would they do? Would they get themselves out, go back for people, call the fire department, run from the fire? Whatever the character does tells about who they are.

My other thing with this is the character. I didn't really find them to feel real to life, though I can see some things that you can incorporate into a character. Someone who doesn't want to fall in love or love anyone when they know it won't last or has some sort of anxiety about loving other people because of it not lasting forever and maybe make it a point if it lasted forever then the character would be a loving person? I'm just throwing out thoughts or trying to apply it to something that works more than what you have. I find it to be hard to believe that your character hates love and it doesn't make them *~special~* if they do, but if you have a reason that makes them this way, I find it more interesting. The thing with your character liking pain shouldn't isolate them for other people, it shouldn't make them a total outcast. I don't think that someone can fully enjoy pain and I think it's wrong to write a character that "loves pain, hates love, has no feelings", but they could like being sad or they could like getting angry subconsciously. Something here that showed a lot about the character is about how they didn't want to die because it was painful.

You use "quite" instead of "quit" and there are some other spelling mistakes and grammar things, so I suggest proofreading it or putting it through some sort of thing that can catch these mistakes. Some of the lines feel awkward in how they're worded and I wanted to make the note that capitalizing words like "Pain" or "Love" makes it seem like you think they're more important than they really are and it points out the repetition of these words. Switch the words up and don't make capitalize them (if you really want to, then that's your choice), but it also points out that you use these words instead of flat-out describing the emotions and expressing them.

I hope I helped and have a great day.




Random avatar

Points: 124
Reviews: 2

Donate
Fri Oct 14, 2016 12:26 pm
View Likes
kdabbsie96 says...



It is very emotional and makes you think about what the character is thinking. The way you have written it is truly inspirational. You have given it a lot of depth and make the reader understand what your character is going through. Its a really great piece of writing.





But even the worst decisions we make don't necessarily remove us from the circle of humanity.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore