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16+ Language

The kiss of death (will probably change this title though)

by NinaRowan


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

'You're no good Alexandra.. I sat there and thought to myself. 

I sat there thinking, taking my last final breathes. How the fuck did I get here..'

My vision was becoming more and more impaired. The crimson stains on my wrist told a different story then the fake smile I wore everyday. I never thought I'd ever actually get to this point. The room got more and more blurry, I grabbed the bottle of vodka and took down the rest of the bottle feeling the burning sensation throughout my body.

I stared at the once full bottle of pills, I merely sat there for a minute or so, praying my mother wouldn't have to walk in on this, praying she wasn't the one who had to find me. I hoped my father did, or maybe even my so called 'Prince Charming' who posted fake nudes of me all over the internet, just because of one measly fight. 

I couldn't stand it any longer, I grabbed the blade and carved "Daddy" into my right thigh and "Damon into my left. As the blade pierced my skin the blood poured out, I sliced deeper and deeper into my skin till I was surrounded in my own blood. 

I stared at the blood around me, as my vision got blurrier and blurrier everything went completely black, and that was it. Suddenly, I notice a black angel slowly emerging from the black mist that surrounded me. Before I knew it, he was right in front of me. His deep, blue eyes, stared into mine intimidatingly. It was like he was trying to put me into some sort of entrancement, something inside of me was saying to look away, but I couldn't. The Angel began to lean in, his icy cold lips pressed against mine. They felt hard and unnatural, like he was made out of stone. Pulling away, he said in a harsh tone, "It's your turn now, Alexandra". 

My turn? My turn for what? I thought to my self, but before I could ask my eyes went black. I went through this force, it felt as if I was having a flash back, but I wasn't. I opened my eyes to look down at myself suffering and gasping for air. I was literally watching over my own death. Looking over at the angel in horror I cupped my hands around my mouth trying my hardest not to scream, I backed away as tears started rolling down my cheeks. 

"What have you done?" I asked shakily. 

Letting out a smirk which sent shivers down my spine, he simply responded with "I have given you a gift, Alexandra.. You are the new angel of darkness!" before disappearing into thin air.

Slipping down to the floor all I could think was, I just kissed fucking death.


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Sun Aug 31, 2014 3:22 am
Dracula wrote a review...



Hello! I've come to review this on behalf of Team Green, The Mystery Machine. :)

The room got more and more blurry...

If you're just spilling out emotions, then please don't change this. If you want to edit the story, this doesn't sound quite right. Blurrier and blurrier doesn't sound too good, either, but there you go. Perhaps brainstorm some alternatives.

My turn? My turn for what? I thought to my self, but before I could ask my eyes went black. I went through this force, it felt as if I was having a flash back, but I wasn't. I opened my eyes to look down at myself suffering and gasping for air. I was literally watching over my own death. Looking over at the angel in horror I cupped my hands around my mouth trying my hardest not to scream, I backed away as tears started rolling down my cheeks.

No wonder this is in horror. I didn't consider that you'd write about what happens after death. You've done a good job.

The last line is brilliant. It sounds a little like the girl was being sarcastic, is that what you were going for? Great job, overall.




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Sun Aug 31, 2014 3:15 am
anonymousx wrote a review...



Hey, Nina! I think that Kiss of Death is a good title for your short story, just so you know. The over all concept of this is incredibly dark. It's my cup of tea and I enjoyed reading it. There were just a few things that bugged me slightly. I don't do grammar or punctuation because I'm not good with it either so you won't have to worry about that. I will, however, say that I would have liked there to be a little bit more description of her thoughts. Going through suicide is a very crazy moment, whether it is a success or if it fails, the thought process is deep. The way that you describe the blood on her wrist, makes it seem as though it is old blood because of the way it's described as stains. I do, however, love how you wrote in there that the character never thought they'd get to that point. It describes, simply, that most people who are depressed and have thoughts of loneliness and sadness, never think that they're going to get to that point. During the rest of the story, I'm realizing that your character has taken her life using multiple items...pills and by slitting her wrists, I'm assuming. To me, it seems like the only reason is because of something her dad did and her boyfriend leaking photos. I would have liked more description as to why she did this. Kissing death was in interesting twist. I'm assuming that it's more of a metaphor of leaving earth and going into heaven/hell. I like the thoughts of regret that passes threw her when she realizes that it's too late(or so it seems to me). And the anger that she has towards everything. Thanks so much for sharing :)




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Fri Aug 29, 2014 5:36 pm
KingLucifer wrote a review...



I'm Avalon and I'll be your reviewer.

Praise:

This was interesting, it could be easily made into a novel with this as a Prologue and follow Alexandra as the new Angel of Darkness. It could take on either a superhero kind of story or a more realistic look at life and tell it though Alexandra. We don't know much about her, but what we've seen just now is extremely interesting and you could relate to her extremely well. But this concludes my praise as my criticism almost outweighs my praise.

Criticism:

I don't feel it's horror, maybe if you built up Alexandra's death I could say so but right out the gate no. Horror in my opinion is subtly: drop hints, give feelings, the character suspicions, details that would indicate immoral behavior. This felt more like a cheap jump scare out of no where and you really shouldn't do that. Moreover, this felt rushed and very sudden what you could have done is draw it out a bit show us what is happening in Alexandra's life, not just tell us right as she is going to kill herself.

Details, this goes with horror as I've said earlier, give us a grotesque monster, give us a beautiful girl who's on the edge of insanity, give us darkness within light. Give us a bloodied bathroom, a neat freaks perfectly cleaned room, a slobs mess. Environment, characteristics, details, paint a mental picture of what Alexandra and this Angel look like.

Question:

Will you continue work on this? I for one, would love to read more and see where the story leads. If you are I will be willing to read and review the work as you publish it!

Overall:

This was good and can be expanded upon and made better with subtly and details of what's going on rather than just telling us what is going on with Alexandra. I would love to see more of what's in store for our main character, Alexandra.

The Kiss of Death receives a 6/10 (Decent)

I'm Avalon and this has been your review.




NinaRowan says...


Thank you so much! Yes, I will be adding more and I get what you mean, I will edit it a bit later and fix it up. Again, thank you :)




The brain is wider than the sky.
— Emily Dickenson