The Past

by Nikko
  • April 6, 2012
  • Poetry
If life had a restart button,
I would surely press it,
so I can enjoy life's gluttons,
while also making myself fit.

I live in the past, 
in the days of regret,
overcoming this will never be fast,
happiness will be hard to get.

But even in the darkest nights,
morning will always come,
and so I continue hoping,
that you will come one day;
to take my regret away.

(I'm kinda new to poetry, so please do give me some reviews, I'd appreciate it.! )

Comments & reviews · 3
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DukeofWonderland
Review
DukeofWonderland wrote a review · Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:14 am

Hello Nikko ^_^
So here's some tiny changes I'd do in the first para:

If life had a restart button,
I would surely press it ;
so that I can could enjoy life's gluttons,
while also making myself fit.

I really don't understand the last statement though, you mean like 'While perfecting myself' ?

Similar to that now, you don't want to be putting commas at the end of each sentence, okay? And you need to know that poetry doesn't always rhyme that strictly, it doesn't need to. Write poetry the way you'd write anything else, structure your sentences like usual ones and punctuate them the same.

2nd stanza, 3rd line:
overcoming this will never be fast

You would never really say this, would you? So let's change this up and say something more natural like 'This'll be a challenge to overcome' or something similar.

Last stanza, first line: "even after the darkest nights" works better, although it's so overheard and cliche.

Basically Nikko, you want poetry to be a new way to look at something- mash up your words and create a innovative way of saying something. It always helps to add imagery, as it is one of the easiest ways to add that hint of uniqueness to your piece.

Also, don't hold back or think while writing poetry: in your first draft, just let your mind bleed and express itself. Then, just pull some ribbons around while editing to package your piece up for presentation and understanding of the readers. That seems to help more than thinking out very carefully while you're typing, as is evident in your piece here.

Hope this helps,
~Duke

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unsocialbutterfly
Review
unsocialbutterfly wrote a review · Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:25 pm

Nikko! It's nice to see you writing poetry for a change (even though I love your pictures) just to see what's behind your camera instead of in front of it :) Anyway I like your poem a lot and please, please, please keep posting your poems and pictures!

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Keenanocity Comment
Keenanocity commented · Sat Apr 07, 2012 5:10 am

I <3'd it
I know it's not a review, and it's not really a comment...
But that was all I could manage to say.
Sorry *goes back in corner*



We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
— Arthur O'Shaughnessy