Together we sat on that makeshift swingset
composed of rusted chains, wooden boards,
and rope that gave our hands telltale calluses.
Our palms were left raw,
throbbing from the familiar ache.
Together, we faced oblivion as we swung
our legs back and forth as hard as we could,
stuck in constant limbo.
Our shadows stretched across the lawn most
at dusk, the sun retreating from the leaden sky.
If we had the technology, I am certain that you
would have been just like Icarus, ropes singed
and snapped over your shoulders, just like that.
That's so like you. Crashing down from the heavens
in an attempt to get higher than high, you felt divine--
that sure lasted long. A foreshadowing of what would
later come: bloody knees, gravel piercing into your hands,
and a mistake you swore off for the rest of your days.
Author's Note: A couple of questions for those who review the piece!
1.) Do you think the structure feels a little off to you?
2.) Does the flow run smoothly, or does it need some work?
3.) Is the brevity in imagery effective in this piece?