Under the elderberry tree,
you showed me the allure of trust.
That seductive voice
made me your captive.
Your lenient mind
projected us as equals at night,
while in your darker shadow
my essence was that of a child.
Your mature courtesy
was sufficient to dismiss
fire as nothing but the
opposite of water. As simple.
You didn't know then,
that fire consumes wood.
Unknowing that I was its doom
you revealed it. The elderberry tree.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hey there Firedancer here to review your work. Its funny how you say that english is your second language and you wrote this poem, because we had a foreign exchange student in our english class and she wrote something similar to this poem and there was a tree in it as well. A coincidence no doubt but I find that rather funny.
"Your mature courtesy
was sufficient to dismiss
fire as nothing but the
opposite of water. As simple." I think that you meant "Simple as that." Because As simple does not make any sense. Also I really like this part because of how you talk about fire and water as opposites. I personally am intrigued by opposites, and am always delighted when there is a need to incorporate it into a poem.
Taking into account that english is your second language I would like to point out that the last two lines of your poem are a bit confusing and is hard to understand. i don't know if that is because of the enigmatic style of the poem or simply because you didn't know how to put it.
Overall I liked this poem. Keep up the good work.
Hey Nightnotes! Well I thought this poem was definitely interesting, if not a little vague. Before I actually review though, can I ask what your first language is? Anyway, I'm terrible at foreign language and find the ability your ability to compose a poem in your second language rather impressive.
That being said, this poem could use a little work. The wording isn't great, and the rhythm is just a little "off" the entire time. I'm also not quite sure of the relevance of this specific type of tree; I know it's traditionally been used for medicine, but that's about all. In any case, since it's what you choose to end with, I feel as though there should be some relevance there.
In any case, this was a good poem, but the flow could have been a little less stiff. Keep writing, and best wishes. xxx
Hi, thanks for reading and commenting! This is sort if a rough draftfor this poem, and I appreciate any help I can get.
Swedish is my first language.
I'm actually not sure if what the significance of elderberry trees is. The type of tree isn't important for the poem, as it only simbolizes letting someone in and trusting them.