Chapter 1: Broken
As the sun arose crouching over the horizon like a dim flashlight low on juice. The air with tons of smoke clouding the rest of the sky, the light making it appear as a smog trapping it from illuminating the rest of the sky. The world has been without sunlight for a few decades ever since “The Great Deep'' took over the centalize castle of Life river. “The Great Deep'' was a plan by the greatest assassin teacher of Oathleim, Arslic. He wanted to take over all the great lands spanning across the great 9 planes of existence, chasing after the man who became the best that ever existed and created both the Red and Blue moons. Arslic was able to prophesize the futures by the dreams of the Night Walker council. As he was turning the gears of his plans, the political powers of Oathleim started to turn against each other by the use of democracy; the powers could not agree on what was truly affecting their people in a negative way. From the view of the Fukuno’s council they have always been around the land talking with the locals, taking care of their needs and keeping the peace among themselves. Never once have they faced a famine, Shortage of resources or supplies, the great lands were prosperous to say the least. Arslic was pandering to the Fourth head of the council trying to get him to see the flourishing land and giving him ideas to improve the living expenancy of the locals.
“Sir Ram, Please hear me If I may?”Arslic respectfully asks on bended knee with his head bowed toward the high council.
Sir Ram looked upon him and nodded with a disgusted look on his face.
“Raise up child, you are heard.” Sir Ram responded, Arslic began to stand on both feet in a low bowing position still toward the rest of the council in the oval podiums.
The council looked down at him acknowledging his presence and the words being spoken. All in unison, the Fukuno’s raised their right hand in agreement. If one didn’t t raise their hand then the council can disagree with not having him speak in the face of all the heads instead would have to make a letter to all the heads individually. Arslic arose as his head and his deep dead ocean cyan eyes met the gaze of them, he began to speak to the high council
“Our fellow high leaders, I stand before you all today with the proposition that it can be in the benefit of the people and bring better prosperity to the land. The new invention of tomorrow.” Arslic motions his hand toward himself and among the crowd there's a little girl pushing her way through to the front holding rolled up papers in her arms.
The little girl makes it up to Arslic, he kneels down to her level to look into her green eyes and smiles at her as he pats her on the top of her head then says,
“Thank you, De’ari.”
He looks toward the councilmen to say
“The invention of tomorrow is one that is for the science division. Sir Ram, what if i told you getting hurt is no longer a problem with the new break through the Night Walkers and I have found in the science hall we been cooking a remedy up that could heal the body and damaged cells almost instantly,” He reached toward littlel De’ari he grabbed the largest rolled paper in her arms to present the formula he came up with.
The look of determination on his face as he’s talking the more he speaks, the looks on their faces change from being stale and uninterested to intrigued the moment they see the purple galaxy looking serum in a glass vial.
“This Serum I call Taik-shu, the miracle juice of Gods also known as project Nectar. The formula is a secret that we can't reveal. But the main ingredient of this miracle juice is the crystal from the caves up in the north by the..” Arslic was interrupted by the Fifth Head in arousing anger as the third was curious.
The Third Head was looking toward the Fifth for the disruption of the speaker, being puzzled and seeing him putting his hand down and raising his left to speak respectfully.
“You may speak Sir Boar.” Lord First said to the Fifth head.
“Thank you Lord First, But there's no way we can accept this or fund the creation of this secret serum you speak of. Yes it has good prosperity but what are the side effects of such a creation? I want to get behind this but the caves in the north have been abandoned for years ever since the first 13 had sworn to never enter inside.”
“But why were they sworn off Sir?” Arslic asked out of turn, raising his voice to the council member.
“NOW YOU MAY NEVER JUST BLURT OUT IN AN EXCESSIVE TONE.” The first yelled at him for speaking out of turn to continue speaking.
“It’s all respect and safety here. We learned from our past to make a better future and if we see fit then we will make that decision but the exploration of the north caves doesn't seem right.”
“Right? Please Excuse me Lord first and the rest of council please hear me out there are healing ingredients in those caves, I understand if the first thirteen swore it off, now it’s a new millenia. Don’t we deserve to see what else is there as we make this useful by all the people to shorten times that one needs to recover? Isn't that enough evidence that we can go in and come back safely even if we get injured. We have a serum to heal people with no defects.” Arslic pleads to the council with his eyes cold and wide with passion, his eyebrows raised and firm.
“Sir Arslic, Listen, that's a violation of the second rule of the first noble 13; never enter the north mountains. And is punishable with 10 years in prison. Those in favor raise your right hand.”
The Fith asserted in the middle of the first raising his hand The Third raised his hand and began to speak,
“If I may say I’m Sir Snake the third Head of the Medical centers and Medicine I say we wait on the judgment. Him and the Night Walkers have brought useful material. Yes, it may have violated the primary rules but this, this here how can we punish it. It was a selfless act for medicine, for the people?”
Sir Snake mentioned and seemed very concerned for the Man's punishment.
As silence grew in the room all 10 sets of beedy eyes stared at Arslic for him to speak and await a sound. The council looked at each other then to the ceiling the Second head began to question,
“How do you think the Othineeian people would act with such a thing?”
“You can’t be serious? Sir Racoon second of the Publications this is still about the principle of the situation.
"The fourth interjected and raised his right hand in a jolt motion “I stand with Lord First.” he continued scoffing at the situation.
As silence grew a second time Sir Boar began to declare,
“I believe it is cut and dry here he broke the primary first set of rules he should be punished for breaking the rules.” then raised his right hand in agreement.
“Sir Ram for the Fate of science and the public we do deserve something that can push us to the maximum, this is the pinnacle of science and medicine we could oversee this project and see how it works.” Sir Snake tries to convince Sir Ram.
“I don’t know, the rules state that it is wrong to go into the mountains in the north, that it is wicked territory beyond there.” Sir Ram vocalized to the council and Aslic.
“I know I can be punished but for us to have a better tomorrow for all, i know we’re a prosperous land with plenty of life we can work prematurely on any disease that tries to become a pleage or a threat to us.” Arslic Expresses.
Sir Snake adds “Even if a rule was broken it was one rule that's broken for the progress and evolution for our people Arslic could overwatch the operation as if we oversight the entire project we can find the fountain of eternity this serum is the closest thing to the Truth.”
The forth rubs his chin and looks towards the ground and pondering what to do next. He believes it can work, they can keep it under control and find out if it is the closest thing they have to eternal life but healing instatly. No one believed this was possible or true until today. Before now they could only dream of something this profound, never thinking it can come true until he came and uttered the words he did today. The fourth is still in ah about the things he heard in today's meetings with it being his vote being the last to cast to break the two way tie. The council room was silent again a third time Lord First decided to disband the meeting for everything coming to gridlock.
“Okay Since we can’t come to a consensus on this meeting today, I believe we should conjurgate back here in a week. Those in favor say aiye.”
All Heads said in unison “Aiye.”
As Arslic looked around at the desk his papers were sprawled out on the desk in the council room he looked at De’ari, she looked up at him and smiling ear to ear squeezing her eyes in such happiness at her father. As his eyes looked at the delight of his own a wave of peace and tranquiality came over him. He could not control himself as he fell to his knees his hands began to shake. De’ari went over to him on all fours holding her fathers hand to get him back on his feet. As her body is filled with worry and concern for her father falling so suddenly.
“Are you okay dad?” she questions with her eyes trembling and concern written all over her face. He looked back at her while she's kneeling by his side trying to reassure him to stand again.
He thinks to himself, That’s what I do this for.
“Thank you De’ari. I’m okay, I got this Okay.” He said to her to reassure the small child that he was going to be in good condition.
He put his hand on the desk, De’ari stood back and gave him space to stand himself up and finish collecting his things off the desk.
“ Hey De'ari, did you grab my tote for all these papers?”
“I forgot to grab it from the car when you had me walk up here with your papers, but Why didn’t they fund your research father?” she asked.
“Well,” He looks away to find his words to explain what just happened for a six year old to comprehend and understand.
He starts grabbing his chin and then instead of answering her question he pivots the conversation back to about the forgotten tote. He then grabs his papers and as he’s clearing it he sees his formula notebook no bigger than the palm of his hand he passes the papers to De’ari to have her walk them outside. He picks it up and puts it in his back pocket. As they walk out the room he looks at her and asks her,
“What do you want to do today? We can get ice cream if you want, Little one?”
As they were talking and walking through the hall of the council De’ari stopped in her tracks to look at the wall of writing columns with old art etched into it. As she observed the carvings she rubbed her hand across them,
“Dad, what are these carvings for?” She asked, while keeping her hand on the wall looking fixated, almost hypnotized.
“Those markings are showing how our civilization came to be the primary source articles that show us from the beginning because we ourselves can’t go back to experience what was like here.” Arslic pointed to a mark on the wall of what looks like a man holding a stick and symbols on the right of it.
“The etched marking here is about the First man who was able to bear the first fruit of survival, known as a harvest for us to eat. Next to it is him giving thanks to the Heavens above for feeding him and giving him ways to survive.”
He walks a bit forward and ushers De’ari to take a look and show her the other markings and how they change from being etched into stone to being painted with different colors like Red, Brown, Grey and green.
“See, Here’s where things began to change. We went from keeping records in stone to then making colors for us to be more expressive, the record of fire was here.”
He pointed in the center of the wall and started to read from the symbols that described what they were looking at,
“It says here, in the year 300 was the first record of the goddess Alanda she introduced herself as the selfless she warned us of the Ice Weather that was coming so she gave us the ability to make fire to keep us warm and..”
He become puzzled as he was reading the dialect.
“What’s wrong, why did you stop?” De’ari queried looking at the wall of symbols making an effort to read the early Oathineeian language.
Arslic was trembling and looked around the hall and then glanced down toward His daughter and pulled his notebook out from his back pants pocket and opened it a quarter of the way then kept glancing back and forth between the wall and his palmsized notebook.
“It seems these marks are saying at the time the fire was introduced, the frost giants came to take our land for the duration of the ice period.”
Arslic begins to have the look of confusion cover his face questioning what it is that has met his gaze. He began enveloping an uneased feeling about what it was he was reading and decided to run to another end down the hall close to the entrance doors.
“That’s what all this was for.” Arslic then exited the building leaving behind his daughter with the papers scattered all over the council hall hallway.
De’ari standing alone in the middle of the hallway perplexed over what just happened. She didnt run after Arslic instead she stayed behind and picked up the rest of the papers on the floor. Arslic ran to the hover vehicle looking over his shoulders. The sensation of a thousand eyes puncsuring his soul sending a chill up his spine making him rush into the car. He reaches into his pockets with an itch of hesitation then rushes his key into the lock of his driver side door. As people pass him by unbothered, minding their own business on the cold streets with high traffic building up at the light. As he sits inside his car he lets out a breath but feels an unquenching worry. Arslic sighs and spaces out as he sits in the leather seats of his hover car,
“Why, just why?” he questions.
“Only for this to happen, after the frost giants took over Oathliem how can we truly be proud people?” As he took a couple minutes to himself staring into space being detached from reality in a limbo state of mind. De’ari walks up to the saide of the car and knocks on the window startling Arslic.
“Whao, when did you?”,Arslic was shaken and reached toward the locking mechanism then stepped out of the vehichle to open the door for her, seeing the papers in her hands.
He falls to his knees asking his daughter for her forgiveness for forgetting her inside the hallway of the council alone by herself.
“I didn’t mean to forget you back there.” he apologized as he stood up to open the back door of the vehicle.
As he was helping stack the papers in the back seat, he closed the door after keeping the papers in place so they would not fall. Arslic looked down toward the ground with an uneased gut wrenching look almost like he was holding in a poop that he couldn’t hold. He placed his hands with his fingers interlocked over his stomach, like he was attempting to get bad food out of his stomach. De’ari looked up toward him questioning what was going on with him, only to be silenced with his finger over her lips. He placed them to rub her lips ever so softly going back and forth then ceresting her face to grip it so firmly like he didn’t want to let go and lifted her face up to look him in his eyes to say
“you’re mine, and belong to me,” he continues as the six year old begins to go limp in his hands as a doll would as it’s being picked up.
His eyes begin to go from a dead deep cyan color to blue and purple swirls like a truck wheel spinning.
“ Repeat after me now youngling, My soul and body belong to..”
“My soul and body belong to..” De’ari repeated as drool began to slip out of her mouth to continue, “belong to Arslic the great.” She finishes
Arslic smiles as he lets go of her body and drops her on the pavement like a used toy, he lifts his index finger to extend his nail to a sharp point like a fresh blade to press down on his daughter’s shirt to cut open, only to be stopped by a bystander coming around the corner seeing the action take place.
“HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”the bystander yells.
In a haste Arslic turns around and gets in his hovercraft and begins to take off leaving nothing but a cloud of dust and debri in the air making the stranger cough and wheeze. That didn’t stop them from running to the child with her shirt almost cut off, as they wrapped her in their arms to keep her head elevated. Their hands began to get wet as it was on poor De’ari’s back. The stranger looked at their hands and saw she was bleeding badly from a deep wound from Arslic. The stranger couldn’t wait any longer and brought her to a car. As the stranger brought her to their green and white Hovercraft she sat in the back seat with the poor girl. Her husband looked in the rear view mirror and said
“who’s child is that?”
“I don’t know, I just had to protect her from this man who was trying to assault her.”
The lady responded, shaking, trying to keep her composure, not really sure why she wanted to protect the young girl or what from, the only thing she knew for certain was,
“I need to take this poor girl to the Central Gov. medical center.” The lady’s hands were covered in the young girl’s blood.
As the woman frantically tries to apply pressure as her hands keep slipping from the damaged area she couldn’t fight the tears no longer as she felt as if the girls life was fading from existence, the husband looks at the girls face and sees it turning a little pale he stomped on the gas pedal like it was spider. They were speeding down the main roads, everything passing like a blur of neon lights.
Chapter 2: Arrival
As she awoke in a grey room with plain walls as bare as can be with an uncomfortable feeling as she lay in a bed. As the sun shines through the window at high noon with the birds flying by, with a view of the emerald grass glimmering with the shine. As she sits up in the hospital bed looking toward the window seeing the streets filled with hovercrafts, the grass shining in the sunlight the way the branches sway in the wind with a few leaves blowing off into the wind on a journey on their own. She reached toward her upper back almost to the middle near her spine feeling the several stitches that were placed in her, feeling the pain as she lightly grazed over them. As the bare stitches were exposed the feeling of the simple touch made her flitch back, she looked around for a bed remote to call a nurse to her bedside. She sighs before picking the remote up, looking at her arm seeing that it is wrapped in bandages not sure what had happened to her. She tapped the nurse call button on the remote. As the Nurse saw the look toward the screen as it began to flash orage signaling a patient had awakened.
“Who’s awake now?” the nurse questioned as she turned her head looking at the blinking screen.
Her jaw dropped and ran to the phone and frantically made a phone call to report that the girl had woken up. The stranger who found her on the sidewalk was sleeping in the Main office on a set of chairs waiting for De’ari to wake. The woman was worried about her well being and wanted to make sure she got there in time with her life intact. Hours before the moment of De’ari’s wake, The woman was distraught about her undying will to stay with the girl after she brought her to the central medical center. Her husband ran in after his wife wanting to watch over her but at the front desk the reseptionace was stopping them to ask them questions about the situation,
“what had happened to the Girl?”
“I don’t know what happened to her.” The Woman answered, shaking with De’ari bleeding in her arms. Her face timited and low looking at a young girl, her eyes swelling with tears.
“Ma’am, what’s her name and date of birth?” The receptionist was questioning again, looking down at her computer with the sound of typing with acrylic nails.
She begins peeking up through her eyebrows with one raised and arched like a mountain range. Her crystal-like eyes glaring at the woman in question.
“ I know how this looks but I don’t know anything about..” the woman was speaking but getting choked up in the process interrupting herself with her own tears flowing down her face as she tried to wipe them away but got blood on herself instead of drying them off.
Her husband tries to comfort her by putting his arm around her, but she shakes him off, wanting the receptionist to take the girl from her arms and treet her.
“All I know is isa this little girl on the ground passed out and wanted to help her out. I saw this man but he drove off leaving her behind.and the rest was just us getting here.” The woman continued as the lady at the front desk kept typing away reciting everything she was just told.
Then the receptionist had lifted one finger and pointed her toward a seat and continued,
“A nurse will be out in a moment to assist you and the matter at hand but for now please take a seat.” The Woman felt offended and was disturbed by what she just heard,
“EXSCUSE ME, i have a dying child in my arms.” she explained wanting to alert the severity of the situation but the office didn’t respond to her to actions.
Everyone that was around just sat there with their heads low with red stained bandages looking as if they were blood bags for transfusion. A man in the distance stood up with a cruch to balance himself to walk down a hallway. He slightly turned his head to see the commotion that was happening, his bandaged arm raised to scratch his head crimson colored liquid started to pour out like a river with droplets of blood seeping through the cracks of the already over used bandage wraps on his body and half his head that was covered by the shadows. The man couldn’t walk far before collapsing on the ground with a pool of blood surrounding him,
“Help that man needs medical attention.” the woman says.
“Ma’am what’s your name for the record of this?” the receptionist said with a dull and monotonous expression.
“Are you going to help this girl, yes or no?” she stated before answering, “ I need to know because i'm not sure she’ll make it she needs imminent attention, please!” The woman pleaded with such sorrow, her voice became high pitched and ristarical.
“For the sake of keeping things to the book of what you say, our names are Thomas and Nova Mcreed.” The husband stated with a sturn voice, making eye contact with the Lady.
Thomas was staring down at the receptionist with his chocolate brown eyes, a scar over his left eye with an eyepatch over the other. He said with a scowl,
“Now this little girl needs your assistance before she becomes deceased.” He slams his hands on the desk With a demanding tone making the lady feel anxious and type faster, motioning her hand for assistance from the other receptionists around her.
To the right of her one of them picks up the phone and starts dialing a number, Thomas turns his head toward the sound of the dialing phone, peering to be visibly upset the one holding the phone toward their ear looking to him as well as looking back back down toward the carpeted ground. He stood to wait holding Nova his wife close with De,ari slowly losing her breath and almost cold to the touch losing so much blood. Nova’s long sleeve yellow button up shirt soaked from the mid section to her mid part of her blue jeans almost like she was mauled by some animal with how much the blood spread around De’ari’s body. Nova dropped to her knees never letting go of her but couldn’t fight any longer with her tears truly running down her face never stopping, Tears turning pink mixed with the blood on her face. Thomas kneels down by Nova’s side holding her face in his palms, having her looking up at him as he takes his thumbs wiping her tears from her face. As the dim light settled on her shiny face from the dried trail of tears from her husband trying to wipe them away. After thirty minutes had passed a doctor came rushing into the main waiting room sweating looking around as if he lost something of importance. The way he ran in the room with his lab coat floating behind him like a superhero cape in the wind with black and grey scuffs, red blood smudges that were splattered across the chest of the jacket. As he stopped in the middle of the room his skinny toned build towering over the people in the room standing over 6 feet tall his pupils no bigger than a ballpoint pen as if he’s seen horrifying things behind the doors he has just walked through. Nova looked up at the doctor, seeing his eyes his essence alone made her drop De’ari on the ground and cover her face like she saw a ghost,
“Who are you?” she bit asked meekly.
“Ma’am I’m here to help, I promise I’ll take care of your daughter.” The doctor said approaching De’ari passed out lying limp on the ground. He continued “My name is Doctor Pannelle.”
He continued putting his hand underneath her head and legs lifting her up, staring to carry her toward the revolving doors he walked out of but before he walked through. He looked toward the front desk at the receptionist glaring at them and spitts on the ground behind the desk and says
“Clear my schedule this is major.” he does not look away from them staring them down, eyes fixated on them not breaking eye contact to continue, “Next time there is an emergency like this do not I repeat,” his voice raises, “ DO NOT MAKE ME STEP IN TO A SITUATION LIKE THIS AGAIN, YOU ALL KNOW THE PROTOCALL!” He said with a sturn voice continuing, “We save lives and help the people.” he says with conviction easing the feeling of the married couple.
Nova’s eyes widen looking at his back seeing the great symbol of hope the land stands for. Doctor Pannelle turns his head peering over his shoulder seeing the look of hope in Nova's eyes, turning back to face the door,
“Open the door,” he demands. As the doors unlock and open for him to walk through He askes for the married couples name.
“ We’re Thomas and Nova Mcreed Sir.” Thomas answered.
“Well then Mr and Mrs Thomas thank you for bringing her here. I promise she’ll be cared for.” Pannelle said thankfully with a smile.
Thomas held his wife closely as Doctor Pannelle walked through the revolving doors. Nova gripped Thomas’s arms as they lay against her chest as they sat on the dinghy floor with crumbs and rats running along the floorboards,holes in almost every wall where bugs and other rodents travel freely. As three hours go by, Nova gets off the floor going to the receptionist’s desk asking
“Is the girl going to make it through?”
The lady at the desk looks down toward her computer,
“ She’s still in surgery.”
“How much longer till she’s in recovery?” she questioned.
“Ma’am i can not tell you that i am not in there with them.” the receptionist says with a sassy tone, like she was being bothered by the question Nova asked her.
She continued typing away and started popping her bubble gum
“Is there anything else you need while you’re still standing there?” she shooed her away by motioning her hand away from the desk like she was fanning dust off it.
Nova stood there in disbelief from the actions the receptionist displayed from her questions,
“Why do you act as if I’m bothering you or stopping your job?”
“Cause you are Lady, Don’t you see me typing here.” She responded with a scowl and refused to look at Nova as she was staring at her with an eyebrow raised.
Then hands clenched on top of the desk in view of her with her fingers interlocked. Her chocolate eyes locked on the lady receptionist gripping her hands tighter talking herself down from wanting to act harm upon the lady for her tone of voice and tries to say in a calm but threatening tone
“Lady I’m just,” she swallows her spit and coughs into her arm before speaking again,
“I’m just trying to check on the child I brought in here that you weren’t trying to assist and making things difficult for you. So may you give me an update on her well being.” the Lady looked up from her computer seeing the look of malice intent in the lady’s face.
Her eyes saw the danger that came from such a skinny and beautiful woman that was crying and weeping about a girl she knew nothing about. As the lady tried to begin to speak but was interrupted by Nova
“If the next words out your mouth ain’t something I want to hear I will yank that tongue of yours out your mouth and hang you with it Ma’am.'' She tilted her head, not breaking eye contact, only releasing her hands from eachother and grabbing the edge of the blue wooden desk with a brown trim. The receptionist swallowed her spit and loosened her collared shirt around her neck undoing a few buttons before speaking to an aggressive Nova, “Ms. Nova was it,” she nodded in aggreeance to the question.
The lady looked back down at her computer then looked back up toward Her and continued in a more appropreate tone of voice
“I don’t have that answer at this point in time but,” she was interrupted again as Nova then said “ Thank you that’ll be all”
She walked away from the desk and grabbed another empty chair after someone had been called to go back behind the revolving doors. She put her tan and black boots on top of the chair as she sat down in a chair next to her husband as he layed his head supported by her legs as a beam to rest against. As time went by the waiting room was being cleared one by one as every patient was leaving through those doors. Nova and Thomas both sitting in chairs, one man came into the hospital wearing a Police outfit with a shireff badge, his slick black hair with coffee bean brown highlights that were shown as the light hit it he walked up to the desk. Him and the receptionist talked for about a few minutes and kept pointing in the area of Nova and her husband Thomas sleeping in the chairs by the plain walls where you can see the outside through the window next to them. As the conversation finishes between the Cop and the receptionist he walks toward the couple to politely taps Thomas’s shoulder to get his attention and not startle him from his sleep, yet as he wakes up he looked toward the officer through one eye his brown eye scared the officer as he stepped back and reached for his waist. Thomas picked his head up fully instantly seeing where his hand was reaching
“whao” he says in shock not sure what is going on as he wakes in a daze.
The officer shows his hands as realizing he had moved too fast then looking at the situation
“Mr. Thomas, can you step outside with me, Sir?” the officer asked him politely ushering toward the door.
Thomas shook his head as he looked at the officers waist seeing he has a taser pistol on his left but on the right he has a dual fusion cannon,
“Officer, if I can ask why, ask me to step out when you have such heat on your waist.” The officer looked confused tilted his head at the question.
“Let me explain this to you, you have a light taser on your left for apprehending a suspect and if things get serious you have a heavy duty dual fusion cannon that only works with Fire, rift ascend users, so why reach for something when a man and his wife are sleeping none less in a hospital?”
The officer puzzled from the detail the man gave for his weapons he carried, before he spoke he rubbed his chin then spoke
“Because i was told you were a violent individual,”
“Let me stop you there. What was it?” Thomas interrupted and questioned the officer again.
“Shierff Calico,” He was interrupted again by Thomas
“See how you fucked up again that’s strike two almost three the only reason you get two instead of three. You atleast addressed me as Sir and been polite since you fucked yourself,” he says calmly before finshing with a slight aggressive tone
“Officer.”
“Mr.Thomas you know it’s sheriff, but if i may speak can you come outside to speak about the reason you're here tonight?” Sheriff Calico asked Thomas again, pointing to the door for them to go out of.
Thomas resisted again to point to his wife stating,
“She's the reason I’m here, to support her, and for your concern I’m minding my business I don’t see why we can’t talk here instead of going out there.”
The sheriff looked puzzled then looked to Thomas’s right and saw his wife’s head lying on his shoulder, the sheriff’s eyes widen seeing his mistake,
“I’m sorry i didn’t realize she was next to you sir.” he said apologizing only to start laughing after saying it like he didn’t care.
Only to pull his phone out of his pocket to see if he had gotten anything just to put it back in then laughs again as he looks at Thomas to ask him
“ Do you know Ke’thswell Joswelln.” then smirked as Thomas’s face went pale and nudged his wife’s head off his shoulder to get her to rest on her own.
“What is it you want, Calico, was it right?” After carefully standing to not wake her.
He dug into his pockets for a coin and left it by his wife’s head.
“Now are you going outside or are we going to discuss it here?” Calico questioned reaching toward his waist again.
Grabbing his cannon pointing it toward Thomas’s back pushing him toward the outside doors to get him out of the waiting room to the cold brisk air blowing hard pushing the leaves around in the air. As Thomas got in the car they stood outside as Calico pointed his gun at his head and waved it to the car,
“Get in, you're driving too.”
Thomas gets in on the left driver side of the midnight indigo car with no license plates, calico slams the door as he gets in keeping his gun up toward Thomas
“Go up the street and Left, we're not going far, just need to ask a couple questions.” He says while snickering, putting his feet on the dashboard and reaching for his officer hat in the back.
Nova wakes again swiveling her head side to side anxiously wondering where Thomas went. She reached for her purse looking for her phone only to find both of them inside. Feeling distrough, there was only one other option to find out where her husband went. She went back up to the front desk to the lady
“Have you seen my husband?”
The lady came from around the corner eating an everything bagel with cream cheese and Everything Sprinkles. She continues chewing, putting up one finger signaling her to give her a moment, she swallows her food
“What was your question again?”
“Have you seen my husband at all?” she asks again leaning inward trying to stabilize herself from freshly waking feeling dizzy.
Nova rubbed the crust from her eyes. The lady stated,
“The police came and took him outside last I saw.”
Nova, shocked at what her ears have just heard covering her mouth from letting out a sound, never once has Thomas been in trouble with the law. She questioned herself on why a police officer would want Thomas but she just walked away from the desk. Before she could get back to her seat she saw the sun starting to break the night sky, looking through the window from the middle of the waiting room. She hangs her head low whispering to herself a prayer
“May the heavens watch over that child, keep her life intact and may her life be filled with love, peace and tranquility having it be part of her. She’s fought hard while in that room Lord give this child peace and a sense of wisdom lord please, Amen.”
The receptionist stared at her and began to get an aching feeling in her stomach like she ate something bad yet it was only from seeing how the woman felt for a child she never even met and just wanted to do anything just to care for her.
“How did you meet this kid?” the receptionist inquired genuinely because of the strange feeling she got from seeing the woman with her head low.
“I only met this girl cause i was walking down the sidewalk and saw her laying on the pavement unconscious, she looked as if she had just been left there and forgotten about.” The lady was speechless.
The only thing she could do was gasp and stare as Nova continued,
“She seemed as if she had gone through alot before I even got to her. When I had picked her up she was limp and wet like soaked in her own blood I would soon realise, I had a short time to get her here to take care of her. To get her back on her feet or back to good health atleast.” Nova takes a breath to calm down feeling her emotions rising again.
Her crystal chocolate eyes once filled with malice only having hope for the young girl. The receptionist wants to comfort her by reaching her hand out only stopping herself in the process. She stands, walks out from behind the desk lifting the top blue desk gate allowing a walkway for her to walk through toward Nova to be closer to her feeling compelled to do so just by hearing her story of how she found the young girl. The receptionist’s long white scaly tentacles with a strip of olive green tin legs as her humanoid body of that of a deep sea green ocean tint with a face of a beautiful woman with a lushes bob cut of blonde hair to her pointed ears. She‘s no taller than five feet and a couple inches not much taller than Nova standing. she walks over Nova to croutch to her height while she’s on her knees,realising looking into her eyes she was a truly broken woman inside,
“I’m sorry, I know this sounds repetitive but what drove you to truly help her?” she questions as she breaks eye contact to sit next to her, hoping to get an answer from her but understanding if she gets cold and not wanting to answer. Nova, confused looking at the ground unsure as to why this woman wants to know so much about her, she responds
“You want to go out and have a smoke, since my husband isn’t here right now I can indulge into one of guilty pleasures.” She smiles as she turns to look at the receptionist. She nods
“I know a spot out back we can have privacy totalk without being interrupted or seen if you want.”
“That sounds great, let me grab my purse.” She walks back to her chairs by the window looking out seeing the sun breaking the night dark sky for the sunrise.
The sky went from a dark indigo purple with a swirl of black undertones and stars seemingly peering as god poked holes through the sky with a pen and shining light through it. Now breaking the night sky into an Orangish teal tone like an explosion frozen in resin spreading through the sky mixing colors like an artist tray with left paint. Nova follows the receptionist through the front doors of the main waiting office to the outside, walking around the corner of the medical center under a tree behind a fence. From the outside it seems like there’s no one there, only being seen from behind the line of the metal cross hatched fence. Nova pulls her purse infront of her from her side looking through it for her pack of cigarettes. From looking through it she crotches down digging through it now dumping the contents out on to the lovely kept grass, as her things fell out such as her wallet, car key fob, a pink U shaped intena with one side being as skinny like a old telephone intena and the other being big and wide shaped like a key fob, a black lighter falls out and then she looks back inside seeing other zippers on the side and a pocket protruding out in a rectangular shape. She looks embarrassed for pouring all of her things out of purse onto the grass to finally stuff everything back in except her lighter and pulls out her black and grey box of smokes.
“So before I start you know my name but you never told me Your’s.” Nova said as she put a ciggarette in her mouth before lighting it, putting her box of cigarettes in her back pocket.
“The name’s Gigi and if you wouldn’t mind, could I bum a smoke from you” Nova laughs as she reaches into her back pocket again. Gigi was confused as to why she suddenly broke into laughter at her name
“Are you laughing cause I asked for a smoke?”
As she already had a second one in hand to pass to her.
“It’s funny your name reminded me of someone I knew once before… long ago.” Nova said while smiling.
Nova and Gigi shared a laugh; they both had sat undereath the tree as the sunlight shines through the holes that are made by the space of the leaves moving in the wind. Nova stares off in the distance as she lights her first cigarette and breathes in the smoke, feeling it fill her mouth as if she took a breath of steam from a fresh cup of tea from the stove. As she took her first inhale her mind filled with alot of thoughts from Gigi’s question about why she wanted to help the girl she brought in and knew nothing about. As she exhaled, all her thoughts in her head came quiet as she took a fresh breath of air to start speaking,
“I wasn’t always a caring person when I was a kid growing up, if you were to tell younger me that I would be in this position I would think you were talking to the wrong kid.”
Gigi took a few puffs of her cigarette but looked at her and thought of the woman who was on her knees crying about a child she only knew for mere moments, to think that this character trait wasn’t with her for her whole life. Gigi looked at her with a very confused look on her face for what she had to say,
“What do you mean you weren’t like this you know that you were in tears when you brought that girl in here.” she said with a small chuckle.
“Well it reminded me of when no one cared for me. I had been unconscious in the middle of public but no one stopped for me to check if I was okay, the only difference was, I was dehydrated. I was a runaway from home. My mom wasn’t home working several jobs to support the house and supply my father’s and her addictions, never once actually attending to me and my two other siblings at the time.” As she took another puff she felt her hands tence up from the memories.
Her eyes began to lose light in them like nothing was behind them only leaving a dismile brown tint to them as she began to exhale, her breath became shaky. As Nova lifted the cigarette out of her mouth to take another breath of fresh air she clenched her chest at the thought of talking about her parents and family, how her past made her who she was today thinking about the actions that had to be made.
“You okay Nova?” Gigi questioned her reaching for her hand on the ground.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hai :3
This story has so much going on, and I am loving the worldbuilding here!! The whole setup with “The Great Deep,” Oathleim, and Arslic's council speech is so cool!! It feels so immersive, and I’m instantly curious about all these layers of political drama and secret plans. There's such a unique, old-world fantasy feel mixed with a sci-fi vibe, especially with the hovercrafts and the serum ~~ Like, that's so many interesting elements you have to play around with!! The lore is vast!!
The idea of Oathleim and the Great Deep is super intriguing especially!! I've always loved worldbuilding!! You've set up a world that feels lived-in, with history and complexity. I really want to know more about this history!! Like, when you mention the "first 13" and the forbidden mountains for example. Maybe you could sprinkle in a little more about why the mountains are forbidden earlier on though, to build up that tension before Arslic challenges the rules? Food for thought!!
I love how this humanizes his character!! The sudden peace Arslic feels when he sees his daughter is a fantastic moment, but I think you could emphasize the emotional whiplash. I wonder if there's any way you could show that his daughter has a calming influence on him, just before it all goes dark with his actions later. He must be feeling some kind of guilt ~~ Like, does he feel any sense of regret? How can you show his deeper emotions through his actions? He's still capable of feeling things, after all.
There’s something fascinating about a guy willing to break ancient laws to push for progress!! I feel like we could dig even deeper into his motivations though. I had a few questions when I read: does he truly believe in the serum's power to heal, or is there something darker he's hiding, maybe for his own gain? Arslic is coming across as a mix of an ambitious inventor and a shady manipulator, and I'm starting to wonder where he truly falls on the spectrum. He's not very black-and-white!!
^^^ How did his daughter feel? If you lean even more into the emotional twist, you could make this a real gut-punch. I wish you showed us how much De'ari trusted her dad right before he betrayed her. It had to have been a hard realization to face!!
Aaa, this sentence really got me!! I feel for Nova!!
This is such an exciting story with so many cool, layered elements!! The ending especially is a great twist!! It feels more like the culmination of a growing threat rather than a sudden shift. This looming, almost apocalyptic vibe is just perfect for what happened. The suspense here is great, and I want to know what happens next. I'd love to see more from this story!! Good job!! ^_^
- Payton
Thank you. I appreciate you for reading the story, there's more to The story.
That is a very
Good write
Please write more
Thank you
Hi friend for only chapter1 posting this review
The narrative you’ve presented has intriguing elements but requires refinement for clarity and coherence. Here’s a breakdown of key aspects that need attention:
1. Clarity and Consistency:
The opening scene is confusing due to its fragmented imagery and inconsistent descriptions. For example, "The sun arose crouching over the horizon like a dim flashlight low on juice" and "the air with tons of smoke clouding the rest of the sky" could be simplified and clarified.
Ensure the historical and political context is consistent throughout. For instance, details about “The Great Deep,” the Night Walkers, and the rules of the First Noble 13 are not clearly connected, making it difficult for readers to follow the plot.
2. Character Development:
Arslic’s motivations and characteristics are somewhat unclear. His shift from passionate inventor to a villainous figure needs more build-up to be convincing. The transition from his plea to the council to his violent actions with his daughter feels abrupt.
De’ari’s role is more passive. Giving her more agency or insight into her thoughts and feelings could strengthen her character.
3. Dialogue and Pacing:
Dialogue often feels stilted and formal. For instance, phrases like “Sir Ram, Please hear me If I may?” and “NOW YOU MAY NEVER JUST BLURT OUT IN AN EXCESSIVE TONE” could be rephrased for natural flow.
The pacing is uneven, with long stretches of dialogue followed by sudden dramatic shifts. Balancing dialogue with narrative description can improve the flow.
4. Grammar and Style:
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, “The world has been without sunlight for a few decades ever since ‘The Great Deep’’ took over the centalize castle of Life river” could be revised for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
Consistent use of punctuation and proper sentence structure is essential for readability.
5. Plot Development:
The plot has potential, but some elements feel underdeveloped or confusing. For instance, the significance of the ancient markings and their connection to the frost giants could be explained more thoroughly.
The abrupt end with the bystander’s intervention and De’ari’s injury seems sudden. Building up to this climax with more foreshadowing and detail would make it more impactful.
Overall, focus on streamlining the narrative, developing characters more fully, and ensuring clarity in both dialogue and description. With these improvements, the story can become more engaging and coherent.
Thank you for your input. I do appreciate your time in reading the story.
you are very welcome