Published May 12, 2011
Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
Feeding my addiction,
All my affliction caused by you.
Don't show me a drink,
a pill,
or a party,
because everyone knows I'll be there.
Pulling out my hair,
But with drunken dignity I'll face my fears.
With no tears.
Press against me with pride,
Don't expect my feelings to hide,
I despise you, because you think your my love affair.
When really all you are is my despair.
Press against me with pride,
and I'm not your bride,
I hope you wash away in the tide.
Cry me a river,
the water wont make me shiver.
You're the reason my lips quiver.
Feeding my addiction,
All my affliction caused by you.
--NewFace
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,622 Literary Works • 672,630 Reviews
I really liked this, it had nice imagery, wording and descriptions. It painted a clear and vivid picture in my mind so great job on that. Anyways, wonderful job and good luck on future writes.
I enjoyed the rhythm of this poem if not some of the wording. "Intoxicate my liver" just doesn't even sound right I won't lie it was very abrupt and lacked the subtly other lines had.On the whole though the rhythm of the poem itself was intoxicating it should have been a song but makes for a great poem.
I'm not really sure what I think of this. It seems like it's all about getting drunk or high and doing some not so moral things while there drunks. Okay... It was written really well, though. Aside from the point of the poem, you did keep the flow and rhythm. Kudos for that!
Hey, Boo here!
Thats all. You need to work on making some of your lines not sound forced. Other then that I have nothing. Good job! I could really feel the emotion burning in the poem.
Any questions PM me or post on my wall!
- Boo
That was all I could find. Just remember the contractions for you're instead of your. That was all I could find gammarly wrong with it. I really liked third stanza a lot. Good luck Anyways I really liked this and I enjoyed reading it. It had nice description and meaning, in my opinion. Keep up the good work. Best of wishes and Happy Writing. Sayonara.
Soulkana<3