WIll Never Fall again.

Hey, New!

This piece was well done. The rhyming was definitely good in the first stanza. I found the lack of structure a little odd, but I wonder if this is a sort of rap or blues song. Those tend to have a different structure than most styles.

In the first stanza, I was getting a little bored of the countless couplets. There wasn't much variety here typed up, so it might sound better when sung. It just looks like a... well, a block of text! Rhyming text.

The "why" in the middle did break it up a bit, and I actually liked how it broke it up. It was dramatic and meaningful at the same time.

So the second stanza I had most trouble with since it didn't rhyme like the first stanza. The consistency between both stanzas isn't really there. The second one follows its own, and I actually don't get the ending very well. So I think that could be worked on.

Looking at the ending itself, it doesn't really satisfy me as a reader or a listener. When the song finishes, it should leave a lasting impact on the audience. Make them think or make them feel some emotion, but don't make them go *headtilt*. Confusion isn't as fun as intrigue! And I didn't quite get where this was going. In fact, work in the song's message more with the ending. That might help leave a lasting impression.

It's a good piece, though. Most rhymes didn't even sound forced, so kudos to you on that. Look forward to more!

Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

Love it
very empowering and vocal. I guess I like it because I can relate to it and i'd say I'm not the only one but even if I didn't it's well written, the flows impeccable, it flows off the tongue! You kept the story going and didn't go off track, only wish it had been a little longer with maybe a more powerful ending there are spelling mistakes too but that's not all that relevant and I see someone has already taken care of that. Anyway good work and keep writing

Hi there!

I just have one thing I think you should fix.

The flow of this is great, but there's one line that doesn't really fit with it all: "Then they do everything to make it work in your favor." I think you should reword that line and say, 'Then they do whatever so it'll work in their favor.' That seems to work better with the flow.

emilybrodo seemed to cover everything else I'd review, so I guess I'm done here.

This is a really good song. I was singing it in my head while reading it. You've got great rhyming and and the verses are a good length. You don't have to change that one line like I suggested if you don't want to.

Keep writing!
Noelle

Hey, Em here with the review as requested,

Spelling and Grammar:

‘She doesnt fall for the sweet talking of any man’ ‘doesn’t’ needs and apostrophe: ‘doesn’t’.

’ Her standards are so high she doesnt see a selection’ again, ‘doesn’t’ needs and apostrophe.


‘Shes truely not heartless, her walls just too high’ ‘Shes’ needs an apostrophe: ‘’She’s’ and ‘truely’ is spelt ‘truly’. ‘walls’ needs to be ‘wall’s’.

‘She doesnt wanna believe or rely on no guy’ ‘doesn’t’ needs an apostrophe: ‘doesn’t’.

‘Because theyr all the same she says’ ‘theyr’ should be ‘they’re’ for they are.

‘Make you feel great til acouple months later’ ‘acouple’ you need a space her: ‘a couple’.

‘Then they do everything to make it work in theyr favor’ ‘theyr’ should be ‘they’re’.

‘You cator to theyr needs, eat all the bullshit they feed’ ‘cator’ is spelt ‘cater’, ‘theyr’ is ‘they’re’.

‘Get back less than what you should receive’ ‘recieve’ is spelt ‘receive’, I know, these ‘ie’ words are really confusing.

‘And in the end your the idiot who just believed’ ‘your’ should be ‘you’re’ as your saying ‘you are’.

‘but men are programmed to pass theyr seed around?’ ‘theyr’ is ‘they’re’.

‘People arent monagamus its a true contradictionOne sees one person and the other sees millions.’ ‘arent’ should be ‘aren’t’, ‘monagamus’ should be ‘monogamous’, ‘its’ should be ‘it’s’ and ‘contradictionOne’ should be ‘contradiction One’.

‘Ha please nothing lasts forever"’ I feel there should be a comma between ‘Ha’ and ‘(space)please’. I also don’t think the double quotation marks should be there after ‘forever’, you might have done a typo.

Likes: Your rhyming is really good, and cleverly used. Your flow is good too. You address the issues of boys and stuff well here, and I enjoyed reading this.

Advice: Practise your versing. I suggest typing your stuff into a word document so you can check for spelling and grammatical errors.

Now onto the second review.