Published November 24, 2009
You may cry and bleed ,Take joy in deceipt.
Find happiness and pain in all that you do.
Will you ever be understood. were you made to be understood.
Is that what creation stands for?
Breaking down and depicting humanity.
Just because you find the reasoning for somthing,
does that mean you understand ?
Are you the same.
Shared the same experiences and past.
the same love and fear,
have you imagined the same way.
If not. then how can you begin.
begin to understand how people take a view on the world.
When the whole world is different in the eyes of others.
Full of different colours.
Full of different people.
Full of a different view in all.
That is why we can't understand.
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Canary word: Present
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139,486 Literary Works • 672,577 Reviews
I believe this is the one you asked for a review on last night, m'dear? Well, I'm no poetry critic, but I'll give it a shot.
Why the capital T, and deceit, not deceipt.
Happiness and pain?
These are questions, and should be punctuated as such.
Creation depicts humanity?
Again with the question mark.
What is why. You give no real reason.
Okay, firstly I want to address your punctuation. Sometimes people think that with poetry you can go ga-ga with punctuation. And you can, sort of. But you've still got to obey rules. You have some capital letters and some small, full stops in bizarre places, and half of your questions are just sentences. It's just unsavoury. Try and follow some sort of pattern. Yes, you have some freedom, but don't go too crazy.
Secondly, you have a lot of interesting images and ideas here, but they don't really connect. Try to make them do so. Don't just throw them at us randomly. If one of your ideas doesn't fit the way it should, either make it, or get rid of it. Save it for something else.
Overall, though, I like your choice of theme and it was an interesting read
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
I thought this poem was so very true, in that, it is difficult for us to understand each other as human beings, when our pasts and experiences are so varied. However, at the same time, there is always something that we can find in our fellow mankind that connects us. At the core, aren't we all the same? Don't we all seek a purpose in life, something that defines us, makes us important to this world? Don't we all want the approval of others, even if we deny that we seek such approval?
My major critique is that it appears that you did not do any spelling or punctuation check before you posted this piece. Please, before you post anything, read over your piece, looking for small grammatical errors, that way, your reviewers don't get caught up in the minor details, when we should be focusing on the big picture. Good job, keep writing!
FIRST OFF:
You MUST make a review of at least 2-3 works BEFORE posting your own. Otherwise your works will get unnoticed. I'm just doing this because I think you may have missed that part of the introduction. I'm not supposed to be reviewing this either but I feel like it anyway. So please, upon reading this, review, review, review!
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REVIEW:
it's "deceit"
lacks "?" marks. and I think it would be better if you put the 2nd line below the first. You're not following any measures anyway, and surely an extra line or two won't hurt your work
I think it's better this way (I think)
I like the flow of the "Full"s but this one kind of ruined the pacing. You can keep it but you may also like to consider "Full of different perspectives" or if you decide to keep the "view" try this "A different view in all". You're not rhyming any word anyway