Thought & Feeling

Wow that was really good. I like how you kind of use the words to lead the reader into a certain direction and leave the rest to the imagination lol that's really good. I love the last stanza most of all. Great ending. =) Keep it up

I don't need to do grammar, because Sadie is a real stickler for grammar and I trust she's got everything squared, but I will actually take a look at the content....

To what do I owe this feeling?
Whom do I appreciate?
A gentle whisper of words so delicate
They could break the very souls of men

Comment: Yes, this is nice, sounds poetic, doesn't it? I've got one problem though. What is the feeling? For a poem that is entitled "Thought & Feelings" you never once describe the feeling. Love? Passion? Lust? Since i read the poem through it feels like something of the sort, but you never clarify. If you entitled the poem with the feeling, it would make more sense, because then we know, but as a reader, I thought I would be seeing some feelings and listening to some thoughts.

One touch of your heart
One glimpse into your eyes
I fear that I have become infected
By nothing more than a pure thought

Comment: And the thought is....? Tip of my tongue! tip of my tongue! I want to assume it "I love you" maybe, because I'm thinking as a sap, but some dude in KY could be like "I betcha she's gonna ask for his beer." To each his own? You can leave the reader kind of guessing, but eh...if you keep use guessing the whole way through we my end up in a place you don't want us to go.

Be it as it may
This thought…
Has awakened my very being
I want to feel you

Comment: "Alright! The thoughts about sex!" That's totally what I was thinking here. Totally a perv and I will totally admit it. If it's not about sex, you might wanna edit. If it's about love, you may still wanna edit, because I was like "heck yeah, dudes gonna get some." I'm just being honest.

I need to be captivated
Immersed in passion
Bring yourself into me
Seduction is no longer a game

Comment: Heck yeah, sex sex sex.

It seems that I have brought about a silence
A mere thought
Waits patiently
Only now for exploration

Comment: So I am guessing this stanza happened AFTER the sex? but the last lines tripping me, exploring what, souls, bodies....sex AGAIN?

Yeah, so I am thinking this whole poem is about sex, because that was my feeling and it correlated with your thoughts. If it wasn't, oops, you better be more specific and describe the feeling.


Ciao and thanks for the read.
YATTA!


P.S. I actually did enjoy this poem. I hope you know that. I mean...it was about sex. AWESOME.

Hello NavysLittleReject,

Let me see...


To what do I owe this feeling?

Whom do I appreciate?

A gentle whisper of words so delicate

They could break the very souls of men. (Put a period after this line)


One touch of your heart, (comma)

One glimpse into your eyes, (Period)

I fear that I have become infected

By nothing more than a pure thought. (Period)


Be it as it may, (comma)

This thought… (comma instead of the dots)

Has awakened my very being. (Period)

I want to feel you. (Period)


I need to be captivated, (Comma)

Immersed in passion. (Period)

Bring yourself into me, (Comma)

Seduction is no longer a game. (Period)


It seems that I have brought about a silence. (Period)

A mere thought

Waits patiently, (Comma)

Only now for exploration. (Period)

Besides these few punctuation mistakes, this was very good.

-Sadie

Hmm, I see you don't have any reviews. I just thought I'd let you know that the rules of this site state that you should post reviews on two other stories before you post one of your own, and that you should maintain that ratio forever. Happy reviewing!