Published August 30, 2010
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This sentence makes no sense, and I think it may be missing a most crucial word. Did you mean "so you/both are lost..."?
I just had to say I adored this sentence. It's juxtaposition with the length of the previous sentence makes the simplicity and brevity all the more poetic.
How is this possible if you're lying face-down with your head buried in the crook of your arm? Where is the light coming from?
The "it" here is extremely ambiguous. Was this intentional?
Tense shift. I suggest starting a new paragraph.
"Nor" is more appropriate than "not" in this case, I believe.
I just love the image of clouds playing shadow-puppet across the sky. Love love love.
You did a good job of connecting seemingly unrelated details and tangents in a chaotically organized fashion until you came back full-circle. Aside from the parts I pointed out, this flowed very well, even with the introduction of all those details and tangents, and I really felt that the structure of this piece reinforced the theme of organized chaos and self-contradiction. Again, aside from what issues I pointed above, there's nothing I can see to critique.
If this is how you wrote before coming to YWS, I can't wait to see what other things you'll write in the future.
LOL. I have no idea how to review this, because it doesn't seem like a story, and it's, like, a whole bunch of ideas, plus there's no grammar wrong that i could find. Good job though, it was an interesting so Write on, and PM me for anything.

~ CF