Young Writers Society

I really appreciated the way you used "Roll the cotton down" to bring meaning and rhythm to the story. I think having even a bit more commonality throughout would tie it together. There were a few grammatical changes that could be made to make it even better, but I really like this form of writing. I don't know if you have every read "Sold" by Patricia McCormick, but this reminds me a bit of her work (which I loved).
Keep writing- I love it!

the ending i cant understand. however he mid portion i truly liked .the way to explained that u r under the blazing sun people yell at u and make u work in the field. the line roll the cotton u have used too much i know u wanted to show that how frequent u were worked . but u should have used a fewer times or must have different approach to mean the same line then it would be less tedious, however the issue u caught is good when i read it in history even i felt angry for americans .was not the ending similar to the ending of uncle tom'scabin.

Hello there! Dropping in for a review :3

Starting with your positives, you captured the scene of what it was like to be a slave very well. From how hard they had to work, to how they were yelled at for doing just about anything, to how they often sang to pass time while they were working. All of this was very well played out and it's an interesting theme to take on for poetry!

Going with some of your weaker points, it would help to further distinguish the song you were using from the rest of your poem. Simply putting it in quotes muddles it together, and if you made the song lines bold or put them in italics, it would have been more obvious when the singing began and your writing ended.

There didn't seem to be any grammar mistakes, although with poetry grammar is something that I chalk up to more of a style than it being a must, but leaving the starting of some lines as lowercase if you want to continue a sentence would be something that I would recommend, especially in the beginning where I would like to see some punctuation to separate some of the events at breakfast for the main character, although again it's more of a personal nitpick so I digress~

Lastly, you could have made this a teeny bit longer with more description on certain events to paint a more vivid picture. I would have liked for some actions that only got one or two lines to be told more in-depth so the feeling of being a slave would be more prominent throughout the poem.

Overall, I'd say you did a fairly decent job! Keep working on your writing skills and you'll get better in no time! Hope this review helped you in some way, never give up writing!

~Despondence

Hi Naturesweetie!

The citation in this case isn't necessary; the song "Roll the Cotton Down" is an old sea shanty and probably was never under copyright to begin with. However, it would help a bunch if you were to italicize the song. As it stands now, it blends right in with the rest of the poem.