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Remember

by NastyMajesty


Remember when…
We used to gaze at the stars,
when we didn’t have to worry
about all these wars?

Remember?
We used to climb the tallest of trees…
We were so free

Can you remember
when we would walk together
hand in hand?
Now it’s all crumbled away like sand

Remember when
we used to jump over and chase the waves
before it all vanished in this sickly haze?

Remember
when we used to pick those flowers?
Oh, what I would give
just to have back a few hours

Can you remember?
Remember it all?
Before we were enclosed in these lonely walls

Remember it
before everything went down in fire?
It seems so far away, like I'm standing on a wire

Remember the hugs I used to give?
When we used to be able to live…
When we used to laugh and smile
God, it’s been awhile

All these happy moments
Now faded away to memory

Remember when we were kids?
When all these things would last?
Now we’ve aged too much
Too fast.

Remember?
Seems like just yesterday
we were having the time of our lives.
Now we can’t even have dry eyes.

It hurts to remember when...
I just hope
that we’ll be able to do it all again


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Mon Dec 21, 2020 6:12 pm
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AndyS6 wrote a review...



The poem is well written and it seems to have a few different deeper meanings that can be applied to many different situations. Allows the reader to apply the poem to their own life in multiple ways giving it much more meaning to it.

I love the imagery you used. It gives a clear picture of what you are writing about.

It is a really good poem. :))




NastyMajesty says...


Thanks for the review!



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Sun Dec 20, 2020 2:32 am
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FireEyes wrote a review...



Eyy incoming review and this is different than some of your other poems. It has a much more melancholy tone to it. Some of your poems are depressing but this one gives a sadness the reader can experience with a notable cause. The causes of sadness are also general enough that your reader can identify with you but the way you write makes it seem like you really miss your time doing these things with friends if you did at all. I don't know everything in your personal life. the only complaint I have that's noteworthy of maybe having a correction is in your first stanza. It was a little bit choppy in my opinion. And I'm also not so keen on rhyming Stars with wars. That's just my opinion. But overall this reminds me of the last pages of The Outsiders when Ponyboy was remembering Bob, Johnny, and Dally after trying not to remember them. He didn't want to remember them for fear of feeling pain of their loss. But then he remembers those kids and this time, not feeling the pain of the loss. But the difference between you and Pony is that its still hurts for you to remember. Maybe one day the pain of memory will become the joy of reliving. Great Poem Honey! Keep it up and I mean it. okay byeeeeee! <3




NastyMajesty says...


let's just pretend as if I didn't know you were gonna write this
TANK YUUUUUUUUUUUUU <3<3<3



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Sat Dec 19, 2020 12:58 pm
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Very nice!




NastyMajesty says...


Thank youuuuu <3 (:



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Sat Dec 19, 2020 9:52 am
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anne27 wrote a review...



Hi NastyMajesty! Anne here for a review.

First of all, this is a very relatable poem during these times and the feelings are expressed in a awesome manner. Let's get to the details now

Remember when…
We used to gaze at the stars,
when we didn’t have to worry
about all these wars?

Remember?
We used to climb the tallest of trees…
We were so free

Love the concept here but I'm not sure it captures that feeling well. For me, personally, it's more like people around me are wanting me to worry over the wars and all, but I don't want to do it, worrying is up to me. So I don't get why you wrote, when we didn't have to worry about the wars. It could be like we didn't feel like ignorant earlier when we didn't know the news, but now everybody treats such people as if they're idiots. Because some people have nothing in their lives than to worry about their future in a negative way.

Just a personal opinion.
Also the rhymes in the poem other than the quoted section are put of the world....the rhythm is amazing .
However in these lines it looks a bit forced :?
I don't know why but they don't have that flow.

Anyway, the other rhymes are perfect. I fell in love with the metaphors and similes
Now it’s all crumbled away like sand

Especially this, because it says a lot and also this line expresses the whole idea of the poem- how everything we had earlier is now unavailable to us and furthermore, the sand is still below us but we can't hold it which can mean, everything is where it should be, but we can't go there. So to me this line was really special.

Coming to my favourite part :D
Now we’ve aged too much
Too fast.

Remember?
Seems like just yesterday
we were having the time of our lives.
Now we can’t even have dry eyes.


This is awe-inspiring. Seriously. Now we've aged too much....so true and so relatable. In two ways, first , we don't know where this year went. We didn't enjoy it fully. Secondly, it FEELS we've aged as we're sitting I one place the whole day, as if we were unable to move.

And then you talk about crying.!(please be happy)
Frustration is the prime feeling in lockdown isn't it. And I like how you didn't write about the feeling but the tears only..it fit perfectly and also gave a different charisma.

It hurts to remember when

This part sounds a bit incomplete.
It hurts to remember when- what? When we used to play, when we used to gaze at the stars, or when we could do everything? So this just sounds a little vague to me.

But its okay because the ending was so good. A perfect summary of what you were trying to say .

All in all, I loved your poem. It can be improved a bit, but wouldn't matter even if you don't change. As the imperfections always make the poetry perfect.

Looking forward for more. Keep writing because you're fabulous at it...:D




NastyMajesty says...


Aaah thank you so much! Also the last stanza I did intend for it to be like when we did it all and stuff but I wasn%u2019t sure how to phrase that because I really wanted to make the last line %u201CI hope we can do it all again%u201D lol. Anyways thanks for the review hope you have a great day/night <3



anne27 says...


No problem.' How about it hurts to imagine when/ this pain will finally wane...'



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Fri Dec 18, 2020 10:23 pm
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LordMomo says...



Nice!




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Fri Dec 18, 2020 10:21 pm
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Yoshikrab wrote a review...



WOOOO I'm here! Wow! This is a very good poem! So, hi NastyMajesty; I'm here for your review!

First - Love the rhymes. Perfect, perfect, perfect. Although if there was a specific meter or rhythm, it would have been nicer.

I won't delve into the technical stuff like rhyming, meter, rhythm, punctuation, etc. but I do want to say this: There are some places where you put punctuation in correct places, but there are other places where you didn't. This is a common mistake and is usually hard to notice, so I have no big problem with it. But obviously, it's better to be consistent.

Now, to the actual plot of the poem--

Wow. Wow. Wow. This is certainly a very dramatic poem. It doesn't have the power of an epic poem, but it has its own special twinge to it. This poem seems to punch the reader in the gut with emotions, and describe many different things with abstract metaphors.

Remember when…
We used to gaze at the stars,
when we didn’t have to worry
about all these wars?


Not the rhyme that I would have chose, but the concept fits perfectly well with this poem's theme. Of course, when I make poems, I like to start simple but powerful, to get the reader attached-- THEN I start to write complex.

Remember?
We used to climb the tallest of trees…
We were so free


This is about the point when the reader starts to get confused with the rhythm. For a poem like this, you don't necessarily need to get your point completely across, but it should be easy to read and have a pretty consistent meter. I like this message though.

Can you remember
when we would walk together
hand in hand?
Now it’s all crumbled away like sand


See-- now we have another rhythm for a stanza. the first stanza was 4-7-8-5, the second stanza is 3-9-4, and now we have a 5-7-3-9. These are very different meters. I'm not saying that your meter should be completely perfect where each stanza has a completely identical beat and rhythm, but like said before, you should keep it pretty consistent. Also, you start each poem with a line containing "Remember". You should either keep them all the same-- like starting with "Remember when" or making them completely different.

Dang it. I think I just talked about Rhythm the entire time.

SORRY

Okay, well, I'm going to seriously talk about my interpretation and feeling from the plot here. So it seems like this is talking about the pandemic and similar things? That's what I think it says. And the part where it says "Before we were enclosed in these lonely walls" gives me serious Quarantine vibes. The entire poem's theme stays the same, which is very important for an abstract poem like this. I like how the entire poem goes where the narrator is saying "Remember" and "Can you remember" and stuff like that, but ends with:

It hurts to remember when
I just hope
that we’ll be able to do it all again


That, ladies and gentlemen, is the climax of this poem. (Yeah, most poems' climaxes are at the very end.)

Well, I don't have much to say more about this poem. It's awesome!

Bon Voyage!

-y0sH!




NastyMajesty says...


Ah thanks yoshi! Yeah I kinda wrote this because i was so over COVID and not being able to do anything with any of my loved ones so I didn't put that much effort into the rhyme scheme xD



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Fri Dec 18, 2020 9:52 pm
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NastyMajesty says...



tannk u for reading <3





"I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul."
— Pablo Neruda