It's been ten years since you
Left us,
And I miss you more than
You'll ever know.
I was only five, a little girl
Without a care in the world.
You were gone before I had a
Chance to know you well.
But that doesn't mean I don't
Love you.
Because I DO.
I love you with the pure, innocent
Love of a child
For her grandpa.
My love is untainted by the passing years,
Forever preserved in the part of my
Heart
Reserved for the loves of my childhood.
Someday, sometime, I'll see you again,
Whether it be a hundred years into the future,
Or whether it be in the next minute.
I can hardly wait,
And I know Grandma feels the same way.
She misses you,
Just like we all do.
I love you, Grandpa.
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
Hi,
This poem is just so sad, cute and raw. Seriously, I can feel you.
**
The words or rather your diction here is quite simpler and yet, so nice. You really maximize the honesty on this poem., but that doesn't mean that this poem could go wrong if you use subtle words sometimes.
Your way of telling the poem is so raw. Seriously, I can't search for another words to describe your poem, but sad, cute and raw. (I'm lacking words, help me!) Ignore the thing in the parenthesis.
**
Going into the meat:
I know it's simple and that's why all people could understand this poem and getting all the feelings because this poem is that only that, simple. The above quoted lines are the starting and I really am strict at writing starting for anything like poem or short story or essay because it is basically the first thing that the readers read after the title. (By the way, I love the title so much. It's just so fitting.)
I think this four lines are weak as starting. And I particularly dislike the idea of firstly addressing "grandpa" with "you" because it's so misunderstanding. It would be better if you hinted something that related to "the grandpa" when you firstly introduce him because I don't think that's a proper way to do it. You can use descriptions here and plus, you can put some descriptions in your whole poem because this poem is lacking that. However, don't overuse descriptions, because they are a beautiful-but-unknownly-dangerous thing, so keep it in your mind.
Another thing regarding the first four lines are the "ten years" part. This is my another thought, but I think it would be really interesting to read the differences between the ten years. Although you did put the "abstract" (aka feelings and stuff like that) contradictions, but I would love some concrete mixed with abstract because they would make a lovely couple.
***
Overall, I had personally written something like this before, but it was about my little brother. This poem already has powers. What powers? You are able to put your feelings in this and I can feel that. And plus, your poem has power to develop. Try erasing and adding something new every time because you every art has unlimited potentials.
Keep writing.
~memo
Aww, I love this! I honestly don't see anything wrong with it. It flows like silk! I like how it's so pure and simple.
I can relate to you because my grandpa died as well. I didn't know him all that well, and at his funeral, the only reason why I cried was because the music was so sad and people were crying. He died from a brain tumor.
Thank you.
I don't remember him much, but I do remember walking past his casket at the funeral, with my Grandma. I distinctly remember her saying to me, "Look, it's Grandpa." And then I cried.
Hey Hey!
How are you? Ready for a review?
So first of all: Goosebumps. yep I had them. Be proud!
Second of all, even though I can't personally relate to you, I understand you! Which is very important because you will never find an audience who completely relates to you, but if you can get your readers to understand, then you're going places!
As for the poem on itself, the structure is a little shaky, but in my opinion, the message is more important than the length of the verse, so...
Punctuation: No need to mention. It's great!
Overall thoughts: I like this a lot! Great going!
Love,
Lau
Thanks! I wasn't quite sure about the structure. It's free verse, obviously, but the structure is kinda iffy.
It is still a a beautiful poem!
HEELLO Queen of Narnia,
A poem about a loved one you barely even knew. Touching and full of Love. Cancer is a rare, but terrible terrible thing. I'm so sorry. You were only 5 then.
We all wish cancer will be curable soon. Scientists are trying billions of times, with the weight of life upon life on their shoulders. All we can do right now is keep trying.
You're grandfather was a great man. A man with hope. Hope that he passed on to you.
Keep hoping.
And know that you'll see him someday.
Hope,
Night Kaizer
Thank you. I only remember him slightly, but that does not in any way dim my love for him. And I KNOW I'll see him someday
Keep hoping
This is so beautiful.... :')
Thank you
Really truly inspiring my grandfather died when I was only six years old. I understand how you feel that you never got to know him well because I feel the same way. Thank you!
Your welcome, and also thank you for taking the time to actually comment
Of course it was totally worth it. Your writing is commendable!