Young Writers Society

Heyy stygianmoon17 here for a review

I'm in a mood to analyse tiny details, so sorry if I seem harsh, I just feel like analysing everything lol

So let's begin..

Your title was really catchy, and the sort of "resume" that's supposed to make us want to read your short, was really interesting. It was out of the ordinary, that's pretty clear, and it's so intriguing I immediately clicked on it the second I finished reading the whole thing. So props for you. No idea if this is your first short story, but your title and hook were impeccable to grab a reader's attention.



I just felt like sometimes, you misused certain words. Like when you say "Anthromorphs are furry beings," I literally saw a furry. Like I imagined that your new species was a furry. while it's more cat like, so maybe shapeshifters would be better. Or hybrids.

Other misused words I saw are:
-"There are many different races in the world," this sentence works, but races are more like "felines" and "arachnes" you know. So maybe a word like "species" would fit better here.

-also, "Their quiet existence, though, was shattered by humans' inquisitiveness and arrogance. " I know this is a sort of prologue, a narration before the actual story to fill us in on the setting's details; but the arrogance of humans would be better if shown. Like their arrogance led them to believe they could tame anthromorphs, which led to a war, or humans attacked one of their kind for no reason, or conducted experiments on one of them- you know. Giving more details. It's the "show don't tell rule", but it really helps.

- "a persian cat who has fur who is as white as snow and as fluffy as the pillow catches the beautiful girl's attention. The eyes of the cat who is as blue as the morning sky, made her heartfelt warmth as she looked at it.
"What a cute little kitty!" The girl named Anna exclaimed as she tried to hold the cat with both hands. The cat supposedly welcomes her with a warm meow turns out to scratch her soft skin with it's claw."
THIS is what bugged me. The way you switched from two totally different voices. From past to present I think, I'm terrible at grammar lol, but it still felt wrong to read. The tiny bit I listed above, should be, in a correct tense:

"a Persian cat who had fur as white as snow and as fluffy as a pillow caught the beautiful girl's attention. The eyes of the cat as blue as the morning sky, made her heart feel warm as she looked at it.
"What a cute little kitty!" The girl named Anna exclaimed as she tried to hold the cat with both hands. The cat who supposedly welcomed her with a warm meow turned around to scratch her soft skin with its claw."
(I corrected one or two typos)
See, it flows better and it is in line with the tense you use all along the rest of the text. The only way to know if you have a correct voice in a short, well, apart for having it checked by an English teacher, is to read it out loud. sometimes speaking out loud something makes you hear out what's off about it.

That was your prologue, but after there's not much to critique. Maybe except for a typo here and there and a few misused tenses.
I thought the story was really interesting, and if I'm not wrong, this is the first short you've ever published, so good for you ! It's a really great story overall, and I hope you're planning on continuing it <3

Hi Nanashi,
I'm here with a review. You have a very interesting story and I'm glad I get to review it.
I liked the idea of these creatures that are human and animal. Where did you get the idea? I liked as well that there is a lesson at the end.
There are a few things that I think you could improve.
First of all, you should tell us more about these creatures. Where are they from? Were they created? Can normal human beings become like them? I would have liked to have more info about their backstory while reading.
Second of all is that this phrase is a little hard to understand:
"Their quiet existence, though, was shattered by humans'"
You could say they were living quietly or peacefully.
The third thing is that the story seems a little rushed. We start by learning about these creatures than Anna, the cat, and suddenly you tell us about their heartbreaking past and a kind of underworld for this race. My advice, is to take time to describe what's happening. What does Anna look like, what does the ally looks like, how does Anna look when she is traped? It would also be nice if you told us more about the power of emotions. Do they change forms because of emotions? Was Anna relieved that Haven saved her? Happy that he came after her?
One more thing, as far as I understood, a few days passed before Haven saved her was she in this cat form all along? In the beginning, you said: "have animal characteristics like cats, dogs, snake or any common species that existed in this world." It's a pity we only see cat characters.
I hope my review helped you and it didn't offend you in any way,
MoonIris.