Spark
I sit alone in the dark
All the people in the world burn and fight
Then you come to me, bringing a spark
In my heart, you remain pure and bright
I keep still, embracing the aching in my heart
I love you so much; it would kill me for us to split apart.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Spark. I like it. It's really nice. For a moment i had experienced that funny feeling in my chest and stomach which only can be my emotional response to your poem. I thought i knew you: it's as though you were speaking on behalf of someone i care for deeply, but whom i am not with. Your poem made my heart skip three beats. Thanks to you it now has to make up!
Anyway, once again, i loved it. Keep writting and don't be afraid to show your emotions.
Firstly i mist say when i read this it touched my heart, i love it bur i wad expecting more. you should have elaborate the way you felt a little more, give the readers something to read. secondly, i enjoyed reading it if that was a poem my bf gave me i would have been flattered.I encourage you to continue writing and sharing with the world your feelings i know its not really easy for boys to do those things.
Finally your poem was fantastic and short and i enjoyed reading it.
Keep up the good work!
Feel free to comment on my poem.
KaribbeanDiva.
Oh how I love love poems!!
This was short, but like said above, no matter how short it is still a poem! And this was very creative, you worded it just right to make everything flow just right.
I also enjoyed your small bit of rhyming you added. I am not a fan of the whole poem rhying, so I am pleased there was not too much into this piece.
Overall, theis poem was very well done, and I enjoyed reading it!
Keep up the good work!
-Kelsi
Well, I believe a poem is a poem no matter how small,
but I do believe you could have written a little more in
your poem.
One reason I think you should write more is because the
change in the mood of the poem is a little quick from the
first two lines to the rest of the poem.
I would also make the suggestion of making each stanza
have the same number of lines, so the poem would have
a better flow to it.
Overall the poem was very creative and pleasing to read
and I enjoyed the message of the poem. If you do take
the advice of expanding it, I look forward to reading the
rest.
Keep writing!
Hey there Nalyd! Welcome to YWS! You'll have great joy here.
So, about your poem. My first impression is that maybe you should change it to Lyric poetry. If you read the little description of Lyric poetry, you'll find that it would be best for it to be there.
This is really short. there's nothing much for my to review, y'know?
So, maybe expand it a little because I can't figure out the point of this in these few lines.
No grammar mistakes were found by me and the punctuation is ok too.
The rhythm is a bit messed up. The length of the lines doesn't match, so when the reader passes from the first line to the second there's a big difference. This fact eventually makes the reading odd, in a way that then the rhymes don't seem to rhyme. I hope I'm explaining myself in a way you can understand.
The ending isn't the best but it does its job.
PM me if you need any help!
*Kat*
P.S. I never said it wasn't a poem!