Superiors

by NYCnightowl007

Published May 6, 2010

In Poetry

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This originally was a homework assignment, but I liked it so much that I thought I'd share it with you all. I hope you like it. :)

we keep a certain pace
put others in their place
and though we are feared
we try not to hear

the effects of what we're doing
this idea we keep perusing
we think of it as a game
and it will always stay the same

Comments & reviews · 2
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BondGirl007
Review
BondGirl007 wrote a review Review · May 6, 2010

Greetings fellow 007! Bond here to review your poem!

So first of, capitalize! In poetry you follow pretty much the same rules as when writing stories. Capitalize the beginnings of sentences, put periods when you want a full stop, etc.

The next thing is that I don't get much out of this poem, it doesn't make me think, and it doesn't make me feel anything. Because I don't really know what this poem's supposed to mean. So next time, add some feeling into it, make it a little longer and make sure it's a good original subject.

Good luck, and keep writing!

~Hope

NinjaCookieMonster wrote a review Review · May 6, 2010

Cool poem. What was the assignment?

Nitpick time! Capitalization, first of all, was nonexistent. In line 6, did you mean 'pursuing'? 'Twas a bit short; a continuation would have been lovely. I did like the message of this-well not LIKE, but understood and cared about. Nicely done, other than nitpicks!



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