“Sanctuary”

I really liked this poem, and think it's great as it is . The only critiques I have are:

The silver moon shone his light

to an endless infinite ride Ride, what ride? Where are you riding? Always explain if possible

Shall the ride follow his guide

For Swift dazzling time

to the thousands of miles

shall no clouds get in the horizon

If the clouds and dust dared to appear in sight

they would freeze glaring in surprise

as the moon reflection sparks on the ocean tides

let the night sparkles and ignites I know this rhymes, but it doesn't make sense, it is grammatically incorrect. Maybe try, "Let the night sparkle and ignite" ? Because that is the grammatically correct terminology.

While the roses over the shore intertwinedAre intertwined*

Yet, the roses petals thrive insight.

As the tides flood on the shore

let the gardens grow, may islands show

Twinkling stars elaborate the sky

beside the silver moon shines

cooing waves float to the rhyme

As the sanctuary harmonize to the exquisite scented signs.


Other than that, the only critique I can give you is that it doesn't make 100% sense.....It's a great poem, with a great meaning, but you don't do a very good job of explaining. I'm sure it makes perfect sense in your head, but you have to write so that other heads can understand as well. Try to elaborate, and explain what ride the reader is on, where the narrator is going, why he's going that direction, and where they were to begin with. Remember: What, When, Where, Why, How?

I liked this poem and I think it's still not done. It actually reminded me of a freestyle poem when the speaker just goes on and on and on but you still manage to stay interested and I think you could have gone on and on with this poem and still be able to keep someones attention. Good job. Keep writing.