Published April 22, 2011
"Candle Light"
The scented Orchids float to the pearl's gate
Breaking sunshine elaborated the shades
Gravity put them into a maze
To change their ride to the unknown lands
Further to an endless ride
Slightly lost between the clouds of the skies
The waxing Moon shines his light
To guide them home that night
All they have been looking for a safe hide
Carelessly made their way to the gloom
Trembling, rumbling and crawling
Through the damp, dull faults
Made their way to the no man land
Hopefully to lose theirs as they can
Few rain drops sparkle the way
Have finally washed the "in vain"
Fought with the apathy to drain –them-
With the causing shame
Willingly they together fall into a cram
When the demons gave up and run away
A night whisperer called their name
Uncomprehending dreams catch the night lids
As the Impulsive moments appear to be
The candle light is lit in the broken heart
To commit to a never ending smile
To praise the timid voice of common sense
That made his way to ignite……….
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139,506 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Thanks, yeah i puzzle tenses sometimes.... I'll keep that n mind
thanks for reviewing OxJazzy 
I love the feel of this poem. Lovely imagery and you haven't overcomplicated the language. Some of the grammar is questionable. "All they have been looking for a safe hide" does that make sense? Perhaps you meant "All they have been looking for is a safe place to hide. And just a few issues with which tense you're using "When the demons gave up and run away". The word "gave" suggests past tense but then you say "run" which is future tense. Quite a few times you switch tenses so just check which tense you're writing it either the past, present or future.
I hope that makes sense and helps ^^ xXx
Still thinks it's very good
Thanks ADream!!!
Thank you guys for all the positive comments
This is really nice.
I loved it from beginning to the end. It's the kind of imaginary feel that I really like, something magical in everyday life.
"The candle is lit in a broken heart, to commit to a never ending smile" I love this line!
Good job!
Thanks, Dude!
lovely poem there realy imaginavite and has nice sweet touches and good luck with the work man
thank you guys!!!... yeah i thought that there could be other words to be replaced!
thank you again!!
The imagination in this poem is amazing and very creative. There isn't much you can fix, I don't think. But on some lines I think you need to add maybe an extra word or so, just so when people are reading it flows a bit more. But other than that it was pretty much perfect.
Very nice imagery! I like the feel of this and how well it flows. I can't see much you can fix, really, this is very well done. I'd say just watch your wording as sometimes there are better words to fit the part.
But other than that, great work!