No. It does not contain an 'F' or 'C'
A 'U', 'N','K' nor 'T'.
Yet the moment it penetrates
Silence transfigures the roughest Atlantic seas.
Fierce- with elongated vowels,
Self-indulgently; it lingers- impatiently
It commands, inflammatory howls
From stagnant ears. Too naive to acknowledge
The coming of age.
New undressed concepts of this;
Four lettered word- does not infiltrate.
Its essence awoken from vestal state.
Loyalty no longer a requirement,
Ostentation, assumed prevalence. Substance it disregards
Vows of a red rose, a satin heart.
Except it takes what it wants-then deliver facades.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Was expecting something a bit vulgar after the first stanza, but by the end this is darn near eloquent. Creative use of acrostic blend - I wonder if that could be incorporated into some of the previous stanzas too. It looks like there's a few plays with rhyme scheme in this, but I'm not sure if it quite ended up having one. Overall I like this piece, it's fresh and word choice takes it over the top. Thanks for sharing.
no need to fear the poetry
-metrophobia
Also I think for the title you meant "worst" rather than "worse" -- whoops!
Brilliant, absolutely loved it!
I enjoyed how it felt like a puzzle a rather difficult puzzle. My favourite part is how the letters 'It does not contain' spell two rather crude expletives, well done.
Though, hm, I do find my self slightly agreeing with previous comment a tiny contradiction on the idea of love at time. Maybe I'm just not totally on the same wave length in regards to what love is.
Keep writing I'd love to read more of your poems.
Ah thank you that was much appreciated !
Wow. I am speechless. That was one of the most beautiful poems I have EVER read. Wow. I had a feeling it was love ever since you said it has no T's. Then you had the
L~~~~~~~~~
O~~~~~~~~~
V~~~~~~~~~
E~~~~~~~~
so I knew what it was but you still didn't blantly give us the word. Bravo! *Applause*
~Jasmine Bells~
I was illustrating how love is the worst, due to its ability to promise so much yet then take it all away. Its an expectation and disappointment theme.
Thanks
xx
Brilliant! Love! I cannot believe I missed that! I knew it was like a puzzle that I just could not solve.
Warm Regards,
-Elitehusky
Oh my God!!! I was right! (As in: I am 99% certain I know what the word is
).
But first, I want to say I enjoyed this. It's sharp, told with a distinct ambiguity that has me curious till the last words - and even then, you do not reveal the word but instead leave it pounding in our heads - all the little clues, the little descriptions that drive us crazy. I love it when I read poems that have to be read and reread and reread to figure out the meaning of - I like some intellectual stimulation. And this has certainly provided that.
The word is an easily guessable word, one that I immediately jumped to after you said it wasn't the swear words. But I wonder why you say it is worse than these other four letter words - see, that's the thing I'm loving here - the continued mental stimulation even after I know I know the word:
The combination of the 'rose' and the acrostic was what gave it away, while still leaving me feeling good about myself at having figured it out.
So...why is it worse?
In the first stanza you say it silences the roughest Atlantic sea. Fine. You're making the point that with love, everything changes. Maybe even saying the warmth of love can quieten the coldest sea - but I may be stretching it. In the second stanza, love is fierce, self-indulgent, and is something 'too naive to acknowledge the coming of age' - i.e. it bypasses all age boundaries - or maybe it results in a person 'coming of age'? The parts I did not understand here were why it 'commands inflammatory howls from stagnant ears' - this is not only a mouthful, but also seems like it tries too hard to be cryptic, unlike the rest of the poem which seems self-consciuosly commanding, but not trying too hard. Hypothesis: love is frustrating is what this means. I don't know. Third stanza goes on to say it's seen in different ways. The last couple of lines there - 'it does not infiltrate it's essence awoken from vestal state' make little sense. I think love DOES infiltrate, actually - it takes over everything (as point out by first stanza).
Anyway, I will keep thinking. I do not why love is worse, when you have so clearly glorified it. Maybe the title needs changing.
I like this, it bring out that terrible four letter word's cruel indifference. I don't know if it's the heat stroke talking or what but i think those four letters should be as big as the rest of the text, almost like they are hiding, and the reader must find them. That probably sounds stupid but *shrugs*.
I like how at the beginning you put what the word doesn't start with... i don't know why i just do! You managed to keep a rythemactic flow. Every great poem should have one, it makes it more enjoyable to read so... Thumbs up!
I love this line
It's really pretty; makes me think of a rose with a letter tied to it (or vice versa?) and all the romanticism... but then there's still the underlying bitterness of the poem beneath the surface. Really lovely!
(Although I did like the moon line that was there before aswell, though I doubt there's any way to work it in with the mnuemonic that you have now, and that's more important...
Maybe this could work - 'Except to promise the moon - then deliver facades'? Not sure how that affects rhythym or anything
If I have time I will review more of your writings, but the oven has just beeped which means it's time for CAKE. Bye!
~Dashka
After re-reading it my self I totally agree the last lines were rather bemusing. I've also edited it a touche to try to make the 'four lettered word' less ambiguous.
Thanks
x
I do like this, though I am still slightly bemused of what the word is (Is it love?) Although you describe it's importance and impact beautifully, I think you could clarify which word it is by also describing the emotions it causes - for example if it is love then you could address the ideas of false hope or betrayal etc. (Or the building up of feelings, putting all faith in someone... describing the good bits then the bad would increase the impact maybe?)
I'm also not sure about the enjambment at the end. I understand that by having jarred and broken sentences you (probably) intend to carry the emotions of betrayal, brokenhearted etc, but it left me feeling quite confused and I had to reread the last few lines several times - particularly this bit:
I really like the words there, they are super emotive
But, overall I LOVE it, (and I have just noticed the subtle rhymes and adore it even more because in-your-face rhyme schemes seriously annoy me, and your rhymes are really effortless and flow-y
Very interesting, however in all honestly I still did not grasp the four-letter word you were hinting at.
Two things here. Firstly unless you meant to say "It is essence..." I would remove the punctuation mark before the s. Secondly "no-longer" should just be "no longer".
I found the start of this piece very passionate. Passion is good, very good, but at the end I struggled to understand what was going on and what role the Moon played delivering "facades". Ultimately I felt as if you were unpacking too much using encrypted English. Encrypted English, and yes I just made that term up, is when you pick the longest most unusual synonym for an otherwise clear and common word. I am not accusing you of doing such, as that would imply you are just making this confusing on purpose. On the contrary, I enjoyed reading this. I just felt as if the four-letter word and your ideas concerning it, were masked by language such as "pulchritude assumed prevalence. Substance it disregards."
For those reading this later: pulchritude essentially means great physical beauty.
I enjoyed this "flowery" language, as I often use it myself, but I believe the clarity
of this piece needs improvement.
Sincerely,
-Elitehusky