Published March 27, 2006
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141,750 Literary Works • 675,679 Reviews
Gotcha.
Thanks for the help. I wrote this from my point of view, and when seeing the girl get bullied reminds me of what used to happen to me so all the way through its my point of view, it doesn't change.
For one, DO NOT introduce your works. It degrades your work. Imagine if you opened a novel, and the first page was a bunch of reasons the author gave for not publishing his book sooner, or excuses for why chapter four had curses in it, etc. It would be more than annoying. It would make you doubt the author, but even before that, and more importantly, it would attract your attention from the art to the artist, something you should not do.
The poem's problem is not anything truly technical, which is good. The problem comes form its content and its language. The first stanza is not pertinent to the rest of the poem and is misleading. It dissipates the reader's attention rather than grabbing it.
Watch the punctuation at the en dof your lines. In the second stanza, e.g., it should be a comma, not a period.
The POV (point of view) in this poem is not clearly defined, and seems to switch midstream. Tidy that up.
The point of the poem is either lost in the narrative, or nonexistent. It is very difficult to connect to it, because there is so little to connect to. Meet your readers, do not force them to come to you.
Could someone critique this please? I need help on changing this as I'm not any good at poetry.