Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The sun was shining in the sky; birds were singing; the sky was brighter than blue paint. Basically, a perfect morning.

Not for Jane Clarke, it wasn’t. She had been dead for forty-six hours and her body still hadn’t been recovered.

Jane had been nothing special: an average girl, just out of an average school, working in an average office around average people in an average city. She hadn’t been particularly intelligent, but nor was she a bully. She was just average Jane Clarke.

The police were ripping their hair out at the fact she had just disappeared. Her mother claimed that she had been talking to her daughter mere hours before her disappearance, and there was nothing different about the girl. The only thing she had commented on was the fact she was going to visit a long-term friend.

The press, meanwhile, were lapping up the fact that this ordinary girl had gone missing and no-one knew where she was. Scandalous headlines fluttered across the newspapers faster than falling paper, and the population was urged to give any information on where Jane had disappeared to.

“Where do you think she’s gone?” a builder asked another as they lounged around during their morning break.

“Lord alone knows,” the other sighed, sipping his coffee very daintily. “I just hope she’s not dead.”

“Me neither,” the other agreed solemnly.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes until both their coffees were finished. Then they stood up and began to work on the back-garden of a highly important client. They pulled up weeds, planted flowers and knocked down the old shed. In fact, when they knocked down the aforementioned shed -

There was a stream of curse words, and then the name “JANE CLARKE!” was screamed.

Jane Clarke had been found.

MysteriousMagic wrote:I don't know if this is the right rating. This doesn't contain any serious gore, but it does mention death, so I thought I'd be careful. xD

This is joint-written with my friend Cleo. She's too young to join, so I'm posting it.

--Introduction--
The sun was shining in the sky; birds were singing; the sky was brighter than blue paint. Basically, a perfect morning. #BF0000 ">(I'm thinking it would be better to put commas here: The sun was shining in the sky [color=#40BF00 ],birds were singing #40BF00 ">and the sky was brighter than blue paint. [/color]
Not for Jane Clarke, it wasn’t. She had been dead for forty-six hours and her body still hadn’t been recovered. #408000 "> I like that! Recovered from death? Interesting.
Jane had been nothing special: an average girl, just out of an average school, working in an average office around average people in an average city. She hadn’t been particularly intelligent, but#BF0000 "> (I think it would be better if we omit the 'but') nor was she a bully.
#BF0000 ">(Better as a new paragraph, I think)She was just average Jane Clarke.
The police were ripping their hair out at the fact she had just disappeared. Her mother claimed that she had been talking to her daughter mere hours before her disappearance, and there was nothing different about the girl. The only thing she had commented on was the fact she was going to visit a long-term friend.
The press, meanwhile, were lapping up the fact that this ordinary girl had gone missing and no-one #BF0000 ">(Just say 'no one')knew where she was. Scandalous headlines fluttered across the newspapers faster than falling paper#BF0000 ">(Falling paper doesn't really fall fast. Maybe you could pick a more literary and imaginary way to describe the rapidity), and the population was urged to give any information on where Jane had disappeared to #BF0000 ">(Some people say that an author shouldn't end his or her sentence with a preposition).
“Where do you think she’s gone?” a builder asked another as they lounged around during their morning break.
“Lord alone knows,” the other sighed, sipping his coffee very daintily. “I just hope she’s not dead.”
“Me neither,” the other agreed solemnly.
They sat in a #BF0000 ">('a' isn't necessary, i guess. Just, comfortable silence)comfortable silence for a few minutes until both their coffees were finished. Then they stood up and began to work on the back-garden of a highly important client. They pulled up weeds, planted flowers and knocked down the old shed. In fact, when they knocked down the aforementioned shed - #BF0000 ">(I don't think it's a good idea to cut the sentence off like that. I was confused and the importance of the next sentence was wasted in my head)
There was a stream of curse words, and then the name “JANE CLARKE!” was screamed.
Jane Clarke had been found.