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My love, Must I?

by Myers


Must I go through these long cold nights?

Along I spend such moments of would be intimacy.

And what of you? Where do hast gone?

A sight for my sore eyes!

These eyes have seen enough of confinement,

To become darker than darkest.

Am I to witness one of such ironies?

That a voiceless man singing a confession,

And a blind one seeing the truth underneath.

Or I to see you one last time,

Does irony hast yet another role?

You’d rather spare the agonized soul,

Than yourself becoming a romantic lore.

And like this for ages, and for more,

Must I go through these long cold nights?


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117 Reviews


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Sat May 04, 2019 5:15 pm
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello,

This is really nicely written! I like the language that your used to makes this sound really poetic. Each line flowed smoothly and I could see what you were trying to get at. I really like how u used the same line at the beginning and at the end. Using that line at the end sort of made a cycle and it tied it all up really well. Those ironies that you mentioned really portrayed this characters emotions, and I think they fit in perfectly. To me, it really shows the while irony of their relationship.

Anyway, that's all from me. This is really gokd and I hope to rwad more of your work!

Keep Writing. :)




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Sat May 04, 2019 5:08 pm
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CaptainJack wrote a review...



Hey there Myers.

The first thing front and center to the reader is the formatting and structure. I'm going to start with the usual suggestion of finding yourself some stanzas and better spacing. I'll put those suggested stanza splits in the next section when we get to talking about the content matter. I'm just a touch put off by the centering of your lines because I don't see a specific reasoning for it being this way? Maybe to balance out your line lengths, which are alternating between three different places at the moment, but it doesn't feel all that necessary. Which makes me wonder if there is a specific reasoning, if it's just done stylistically, or if it's done with no regard to the rest of the formatting.

This might seem rather picky to some readers but I have found that most people choose the alignment of their text for specific reasons. Sometimes centrally located poems that involve romance are all about this person being the center of their life. Or the text is initially centered with lines off to the right or left to allow for the side ways thoughts of the speaker, or the other person involved in the relationship.

-

Context wise, let's start by taking a look at that title and the first line, and then by default of repetition, the last line.

I usually don't care for the first line and last lines being such a parallel but with your specific choices in wording I found myself enjoying this part. The speaker manages to come full circle after taking the long way around with the questions they are asking to their lover. There is quite a bit covered in that loop and I wonder if you chose those words with the knowledge of how the speaker seems almost distracted. I say distracted because they are explaining so much detail into the question being asked, going down all of these roads and then suddenly snapping back up to ask the question again.

You do a good job of letting the reader wander around in the speaker's troubles.

Must I go through these long cold nights?

Along I spend such moments of would be intimacy.
And what of you? Where do hast gone?

A sight for my sore eyes!
These eyes have seen enough of confinement,
To become darker than darkest.

Am I to witness one of such ironies?

That a voiceless man singing a confession,
And a blind one seeing the truth underneath.
Or I to see you one last time,

Does irony hast yet another role?

You’d rather spare the agonized soul,
Than yourself becoming a romantic lore.
And like this for ages, and for more,

Must I go through these long cold nights?


I must admit that the stanza splits I chose were rather unorthodox and may not fit for the style that you are trying to keep with. Just a little touch experimental.

I think it would be best if you separated the different questions from the rest of the content. Making a visible gap between the questions and the relevant explanation gives off a certain dramatic effect. I've found that separated these pieces will bring more emphasis to the questions themselves. With what your speaker is asking to the subject of their love, you don't want those questions getting lost in the rest of the mix.

The wording itself is a bit heavy but I can see where you were going with it. The mixture is of a more classic wording along with some modern words. This needs a slight decision to be made here with what tone and sound you want to follow. It's not really going to change the formality to clean up the rough edges, just make the effect clearer to the reader. If that makes sense to you.

I think you might have made a slip with the word "do" in line 3, which may have been intended as "thou"? I know there's some variation of that with a similar sound that does start with a d, but I can't think of the particular word at the current moment.

-

I think that's about all I have to put into this review. If you have any questions about this review or anything else, feel free to PM me.
Have a nice day and good job on this poem.
- Jack




Myers says...


Jack, thank you for taking the time.

I've now realized that separating the questions feels a lot better as it applies the stress that I intended.

Issues with styling, formatting and wording are due to my being a non-native English speaker without any formal understanding of English poetry.

That said, I am eager to learn and improve myself because I love writing.



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Sat May 04, 2019 2:16 am
Anma wrote a review...



Hello Myers!

This is really good!!

It reminds me of shake spear honestly...
The message poem is good. I like the fact you repeated your first line on your last. It makes the reader know exactly what your trying to get at. Your question. The way you explained it was good to. I could understand what it meant. And your words flowed freely, and well. I feel this is a really good. I like it very much.

Keep up the good work!

Hope to read more!!

Sincerely
Anma




Myers says...


Thank you Anma!

It is really pleasing to know when your poetry is taken for what it is. I have other poems in my profile. I'd love to have your say on them as well.



Anma says...


Okay, I will when I have time. No!!




"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."
— George Orwell, 1984