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125,003 Literary Works • 672,791 Reviews
Beutafull poem. I think it is very inspireing. keep writing these awesome poems. I think, that this could be an amazing role model for people who feel bad about themeelfs. also, have you tried writing hakius? you know, 5 7 5? they are almost as effective as poems like these. I would love to see one. keep up the great work
Beutafull poem. I think it is very inspireing. keep writing these awesome poems. I think, that this could be an amazing role model for people who feel bad about themeelfs. also, have you tried writing hakius? you know, 5 7 5? they are almost as effective as poems like these. I would love to see one. keep up the great work
I love it! I'm just going to reveiw this for you :3
I'm Sweet Secrets, and I'm new. But I've been reading a lot of poetry and I really like this one! It's really nice and outspoken. You have true talent. It kind of scares me a bit, well ya know, the ending. But other than that, its breathe taking. I wish I had your talent. I can only dream!
Hello there! I'm Rose, and I'm here to review this piece for you today.
First, welcome to YWS. I hope that you like it here as much as I do. There are tons of extremely talented and just plain awesome people on here who are always willing to lend a hand when it comes to helping other writers out. If you have any questions at all, feel free to ask me or any of them and we'll help you out, okay? Cool. And now, on to the review.
In my opinion, the best element of this piece is the emotion behind it. You - or your main character, if this piece is fictional - was having issues and managed to overcome them. Overcoming problems is something most people can identify with. By choosing to write about something others can identify with, you've found a way to connect with your readers, something that is extremely important. Good job.
On the downside, choosing a topic that so many other authors have written about and then creating your own unique take on it is not always easy. In order to distinguish your work, your work must be memorable. In order to be memorable, it must be unique.
"I sat there, letting the darkness swallow my every hope and dream
I sat there, thinking my life was nothing and there was not a thing going for me"
I feel like I've read these sentences many times before, especially on this site. Feelings of worthlessness are common among teenage writers. We're unique. We're artists. Our thoughts and emotions don't always fit with what's expected of us. In the process of understanding that that's a good thing, it's easy to feel worthless. Because it's something that so many authors write about, you must take special care to inject your work with personality. I don't feel that you did that.
"So hold that head up high
just like I do
Let the light shine down
Don't let the dark swallow you"
It is a cute piece, though.
Overall, nice work! If you disagree with my criticism, feel free to disregard it. At the end of the day, your opinion concerning your work is paramount. If you like what you've written, don't change a thing.
Always keep writing!
-Rose
Thank you for your insight. It's very much appreciated and I will take every word into consideration next time I write a piece. Thank you!(:
This is a beautiful poem. I will be copying this, and giving it to my friend in school who feels very badly about himself, because he has a bad genes and that causes him to be severely overweight. I almost cried while reading this, but I cant really place why. I think it would be a great idea to share this poem with many people. just reading it made me feel better about myself. keep up the good work!
Thank you! And please, share it with him and whomever else you think it could help. That's my main goal when writing: to be able to connect with others.